Small things that are big tells

[SisterAgatha]

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature.

I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too.

Anyone else spot these little things?

@BalloonSlayer

If you hear more than one piece of ultra-scandalous gossip off the same person they are probably a malicious gossip who makes stuff up.

I wish I had realised this 20 years ago.

Especially if they preface it with "You haven't heard this from me..."!

People who tell you what another person has been saying about you ‘because they thought you’d want to know’ are usually doing it because they’re on a massive power trip and can enjoy the drama while getting off on your pain.

A true friend will defend and protect you, not pass on nastiness to upset you.

If someone tells you that they “call a spade a spade”, while looking pleased with themselves, they will probably reveal themselves to be a bit of a twat.

If someone tells you a seemingly pointless fib about one of their personal details, e.g. age, job title or living arrangements, then that’s likely to be the tip of an iceberg of lies. Big lies, small lies and utterly random WTF lies.

People who say I just tell it how it is... mouthy gob shites who are extremely rude
Same as those who shout instead of talking at a normal volume

I,ve known three people who would constantly tell you that they were ‘too good for their own good’ and ‘would do anything for anybody’. They were some of the biggest gossips and self absorbed people I’ve known and thrived in other people’s drama. I find that people who are genuinely kind don’t need to constantly tell people about it. Others will just see how caring they genuinely are. I am a bit suspicious of people who tell me how kind they are. Kind people just tend to do kind things without announcing it to the world

@LunaNorth
People who whip out a calculator at the end of a shared dinner are invariably tightarses, and usually the wealthiest at the table

Yes

I used to have a boss who was really ineffective and disorganised. Whenever her superiors pulled her up on it, she would come to us in the team and say "But do you remember when I told you to do...xyz"???? because she was incapable of admitting that she could do any wrong.

People who can't face up to their own mistakes honestly are just poison.

Also, my current boss is incapable of making any kind of decision. He's paralysed by the fear of what his boss (who sought him out to hire him!), will make of his decisions. So, he gets around it by not making any and leaving me to figure out solutions to all the day to day stuff.

So yeah. Owning your own mess, and not being so much of a coward thay you're scared to make a decision. If you meet anyone with either trait, head for the hills.

Knew someone who would tell you in utmost seriousness what a nice person she was, and how everybody liked her. She was an incredibly selfish nasty gossip.

@EssexLioness...seconded on people who tell you how kind they are. If they have to tell everyone, it's because it's not true.

Completely agree with those that are big users of #BeKind are anything I but kind.

Same goes for 'I've got to be honest and true.'

And don't forget 'of course, people can do what they want but..' who then say negative things about that person/group.

Also, when someone always seems to have a drama with someone. This trait always seems to extend to every area of life. For context, I worked with someone who claimed unfair treatment/people didnt like her etc. I was new and didnt have any context of her or her situation at work so was totally bought in to it. Then it came to light this happened everywhere she worked. She was a difficult and manipulative person. She taught me not to take anything at face value.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene this is so true !! (Sorry can't quote it !) time after time I've seen it

Ultra competitive people that always have to go one up or compare v

I have a cousin who always goes on about how fit she is and how slim she is. We are a bunch of fatties so it makes us feel great!! She does it constantly.

I don't have a dog but honestly do believe that dogs can sense good people. Best test of character? Introduce them to your dog

If a bloke has no sense of rhythm and is generally uncoordinated you can guarantee they're going to be crap in bed.

^

God. Yes.

Totally random connection to this but if a guy refuses to eat meat off the bone I. E a lovely fatty pork chop, you can guarantee he'll be shit in bed. A bloke knawing a bone like an excited dog? Great oral

Gossips. If they gossip to me they don't get anything out of me.

When people profess themselves to be ‘like Marmite - you either love me or you hate me,’ rest assured that they love themselves, but everyone else hates them.

‘I’m mad, me’ - boring bastard.

@LunaNorth

‘I’m mad, me’ - boring bastard.

so true!

From my experience

Anyone who uses the phrase "I'm honest to a fault", definitely has a fault and it definitely isn't honesty.
"I did soooo much for them" when talking about another person they've fallen out with.
"I'm a good person" genuinely good people don't say this. They have no need to.
Taking pictures of themselves donating to food banks/homeless people/any charity.
The one uppers, those who have done everything you've done, been everywhere you've been, only better, with bells on.
Entitlement/rudeness to service workers. That's a HUGE one. See also, not tipping.
Not holding a door open for you/the next person.
How someone reacts when you say "no". Potentially the most important. A no should be accepted, not manipulated into a yes or the catalyst for a guilt trip.
I echo what previous posters have said, if they're bitching to you, they're bitching about you. Especially if they're showing you screenshots of conversations you're not privy to the context of or other peculiar behaviour.

There's probably more, I've learned the long & hard way. I'm currently building myself some boundaries!

@Susannahmoody

I don't have a dog but honestly do believe that dogs can sense good people. Best test of character? Introduce them to your dog

Hang on , I'm a good person but I'm scared of dogs. Where does that leave me?

Trust me.

I have known people who I swear just watch your face while you speak, so they know the exact moment your sentence is finished and they can jump in.

So I second all the pp who reference not listening as a red flag.

There's a variation on this one as well. I had a bf for a while who would listen...up to a point. When he would butt in with his opinion about what I should do about my problems.

Either listen to the end mate, or don't participate! He couldn't imagine I could maybe solve my own problems if he was just willing to be a sounding board. Had to jump in and be The White Knight. I know his intentions were good, but it made him unbearable after a couple of years.

‘What am I like?’

A cunt, that’s what.

‘What are you like?’

Less of an arse than you.

People who are rude to wait staff or people serving them, biiiiig red flag.