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Original poster

Honestly - what are your plans for housing when you get older?

385 replies

Chicchicchicchiclana · 28/05/2021 19:52

Slightly inspired by another thread but not a TAAT.

I see so many threads on Mumsnet where elderly parents do not want to move out of a house or home that is no longer suitable for them. My own 90 year old mother is in this situation. Although she lives in a bungalow it has front and back gardens that she hasn't been able to maintain for about 10 years and if anything goes wrong in the house either my brother or I have to sort it for her. She needs her bathroom converting now. We've overseen a new boiler and kitchen refurb, sourcing all the materials and workmen and keeping her company while work is going on - even though we both live quite a distance away.

The time for her to have moved to sheltered accommodation would have been about 5 years ago, but she didn't want to do it "because of the effort/stress".

My pledge to my children I make here and now is that I will face facts and do the right thing re. downsizing before I get too old for it.

Why don't some of the older generation get it? I know it's a form of denial and I know people can passionately love their houses and all the memories they represent, but why didn't they think about it before?

I don't mean to sound heartless and unkind. But have you thought about it (maybe 60ish plus) and what are your plans?

OP posts:
KarmaNoMore · 28/05/2021 20:40

Staying out not out, obviously Grin

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2021 20:41

I would like to live in one of those over 55 places in an apartment. The ones with the restaurant/gym/pool in the basement. I do not want to be worrying about external repairs or gardening when I am elderly.

KarmaNoMore · 28/05/2021 20:41

Damn the autocorrect! PUT not out.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Dementia & alzheimer's
RandomMess · 28/05/2021 20:42

My parents did the right thing moved to a bungalow in their early 60s. Now my Mum has died my Dad 80 is relocating to near my brother and presumably to a smaller property/smaller garden/easier to maintain.

We have a chalet bungalow with a basement conversion. We could use it as a true bungalow again when it's just us if we didn't move for other reasons.

A lot of family homes can have a downstairs room converted to a bedroom and a downstairs WC extended into a shower room.

I remember a MN poster had 2 live in carers for her DP - sort of like enhanced au pairs so not a huge wage as their bed and board was included.

KarmaNoMore · 28/05/2021 20:43

sort of like enhanced au pairs so not a huge wage as their bed and board was included.

That sounds like a good plan

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 28/05/2021 20:43

I downsized at 54 and now just have room enough for adult DC to visit. When I get my state pension I’ll re-evaluate whether to stay here and spend money on the house or go somewhere else.

Whenwillitmakesense · 28/05/2021 20:43

I plan to move nearer to things (shops, restaurants, coffee shops) and live in a flat with a balcony (not in the uk so that’s easier to get here). I want to be on one floor with a lift, balcony to sit out of and have a few plants, to be able to walk to the shops or to go for a coffee with friends.

AppleDumplin · 28/05/2021 20:45

We'll be downsizing massively once the kids are living independently.

Something that needs no maintenance so thinking modern, courtyard or small garden, 2 bedrooms, town centre so I don't have to drive etc.

Can't wait!

PlanDeRaccordement · 28/05/2021 20:45

I have a pact with best friend to join a nunnery when our DHs pass away.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 28/05/2021 20:45

On the one hand I think it's good for elderly people to downsize, after all, we supposedly have a housing crisis so it's a bit silly for a couple or single person to be living in a 4 or 5 bedroom house.

However, doctors now say you should stay in a house with stairs for as long as you can, as it's not good to move to a bungalow too soon. And I've said this on another thread, sheltered flats are a con, don't do it.

What we need are more two bed bungalows, but there's not enough money to be made out of them. We should certainly stop any more of them being turned into houses though.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 28/05/2021 20:46

@dementedma

We're in our late 50s and in an upstairs flat. Already thinking about what will happen when we cant manage the stairs. Still got a mortgage though so stuck really
In your late 50s? You will probably be able to manage the stairs for another 30 years, certainly 20!
MildredPuppy · 28/05/2021 20:47

Ive been lucky, my grandparents moved to a nice two bed flat in a large village, next to the doctors, library and local shop all when young enough to sort themselves in. My mum has done the same thing - plenty young enough to sort it all out. Plus she now has savings she can quickky access for cleaners or care if she needs it instead of it being tied up in a bigger property she cant keep.

I am planning the same - a nice central flat before i get too old.

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2021 20:48

However, doctors now say you should stay in a house with stairs for as long as you can, as it's not good to move to a bungalow too soon

Do they? What about people who have always lived in a flat or bungalow?

OrangePowder · 28/05/2021 20:49

@AppleDumplin

We'll be downsizing massively once the kids are living independently.

Something that needs no maintenance so thinking modern, courtyard or small garden, 2 bedrooms, town centre so I don't have to drive etc.

Can't wait!

Where are these places though? I can't think of any in my medium sized town.
FindingMeno · 28/05/2021 20:51

I want somewhere very small with minimal possessions. I'm not that attached to things, and I don't expect my dc's to want my random 'treasures'. When/ if it comes to it, I also expect to go into a home.
I want people, family, community around me rather than things.

Nicklebox · 28/05/2021 20:52

I'm just 60 and don't feel anywhere near ready to downsize yet. none of the children have bought their own homes yet so we need the space so they can all still visit together. We hope they will all settle in the same area eventually and will move to be nearer them when that happens. However this thread has made me think about what size house and garden we should look for when that time comes, we had been thinking of going for a bigger garden but now I'm not so sure. Also by giving equity from your house to your children you wont have money to pay for care homes when the time comes and there won't necessarily be any support from the state in future years.

Deadringer · 28/05/2021 20:52

We plan to downsize to a small bungleow or an apartment when our mortgage is finished, by which time we will be in our mid 60s. I want to do it long before we 'have' to do it. My main criteria is a nearby pub, bus stop, and shop, in that order, and hopefully the dc will live reasonably nearby.

Chocolatepeanuts · 28/05/2021 20:54

I live in a 3 bed bungalow, mid 30s and would love to stay here for the rest of my life. We have amazing views but it's a little too rural, 2 miles akong country roads and hills to the nearest busstop, 5 miles to nearest town. So if it came to it that i couldn't drive anymore or perhaps cycle, I suppose I would have to move or end up quite isolated.

Deadringer · 28/05/2021 20:54

Meant to say ideally we can buy 2 apartments, live in one and rent one out so we will have an income.

Original poster
Chicchicchicchiclana · 28/05/2021 20:55

Nickelbox - I'm not talking about downsizing at 60. I'm talking about thinking about and planning for downsizing at some point in the future from 60.

I'm 58 and still have a child living at home Grin. But that is in itself part of the reason why I find my 90 year old mother's intransigent position quite difficult. I am one of the hundreds of thousands, maybe millions, in the sandwich generation.

OP posts:
pinkhousesarebest · 28/05/2021 20:57

This is very depressing. I have only just got to living in my dream home and I am 58. I am not going anywhere for many years, I really hope. I love my garden too much.

bigfloweryblouse · 28/05/2021 20:58

I'm in my 50s in a big house. We will definitely downsize to release equity for the DCs homes. The reality I gave is that I think my DH would be a terrible career if I ever became incapacitated. He either wouldn't notice or would get irritated. I've told him I'll check myself into a care home! I actually don't mind the idea of a really nice care home. I will never be a burden on my DCs

DreamingNow · 28/05/2021 20:59

I havent thought about it. I feel too young at 50yo and have many other plans befire that.

My parents (mid 70) have. Their plan is to stay in their house as lomg as possible and actually to never move out. They have planned finances to have carers coming in, a cleaner etc...
Planning for okder life doesn't mean automatically shetered accomodation etc....

Fwiw, I have two grand parents who died young (in their 60s). The other two lived well over 90yo. My grand dad died at 98yo, still living at home with his partner (of the same age).
They never had any help from their dcs (complex family story but basically both my dad and his sister lived abroad so no chance they could just 'pop round').
So it is possible.

bigfloweryblouse · 28/05/2021 20:59

Carer not career lol

DreamingNow · 28/05/2021 21:02

As for downsizing ....
My parents had a two bedroom house when I was growing up (single child).
When they move back to europe from overseas to be closer to me, they bought a 4 bed house on the ground they wanted me and the dgcs to be able to stay over.
Basically they went the other way around Grin

Id say it was the right choice because it's allowing them to have what is the most important thing for them - a place where the whole family can stay over.