Honestly - what are your plans for housing when you get older?

[Chicchicchicchiclana]

Slightly inspired by another thread but not a TAAT.

I see so many threads on Mumsnet where elderly parents do not want to move out of a house or home that is no longer suitable for them. My own 90 year old mother is in this situation. Although she lives in a bungalow it has front and back gardens that she hasn't been able to maintain for about 10 years and if anything goes wrong in the house either my brother or I have to sort it for her. She needs her bathroom converting now. We've overseen a new boiler and kitchen refurb, sourcing all the materials and workmen and keeping her company while work is going on - even though we both live quite a distance away.

The time for her to have moved to sheltered accommodation would have been about 5 years ago, but she didn't want to do it "because of the effort/stress".

My pledge to my children I make here and now is that I will face facts and do the right thing re. downsizing before I get too old for it.

Why don't some of the older generation get it? I know it's a form of denial and I know people can passionately love their houses and all the memories they represent, but why didn't they think about it before?

I don't mean to sound heartless and unkind. But have you thought about it (maybe 60ish plus) and what are your plans?

We are in our 30's and have already discussed the fact that we will definitely downsize from our current family home when the time is right. We currently have an "upside down" 3 storey townhouse, so not even possible to avoid the stairs as kitchen is on a separate floor to the living quarters. Hopefully one day once the mortgage is paid, and the children are grown, we will start to think aboutovimf somewhere more suitable for old age, and free up some equity to help the kids (and potential grandkids) out. I would never want my kids to rely on looking after me into old age, and I will make it clear to them that their needs will always trump mine. If I need care, out me in a home. Don't want them to ever feel like they need to put their lives on hold to look after me, as my mum has also made clear to me.

All the retirement accomodation Ive seen is either extortionate(really ridiculous maintenance fees), the size of a shoebox or stuck in the middle of nowhere with no bus service nearby. In my area, all they seem to be building are 4 and 5 bedroomed houses. Why should I pay dearer to live in retirement accomodation, when I have worked for everything I have and paid a mortgage? If the accomodation was there ie 1 or 2 bedrooms, I think people would downsize. What do you do, when you plan to downsize, then your adult children lose their job, then home due to the Pandemic and return home to you, do we just put them out on the street? Many people would love to downsize, but it's impossible if you still have adult family, who, for whatever reason, need to return to the family home.

@Gothichouse40. I see your point, but do adult children really expect to move home once they’re past their 20’s at least? It’s never occurred to me to do that, but then my Dad sold the family home in my late 20’s so the option’s not been there anyway.😂 I can see the logic up to a point, but expecting someone in their 70’s or 80’s to maintain a family-sized house in case their adult children ever want to move back seems a big ask. Many people just can’t do it.

Hopefully one day once the mortgage is paid, and the children are grown, we will start to think aboutovimf somewhere more suitable for old age, and free up some equity to help the kids (and potential grandkids) out. I would never want my kids to rely on looking after me into old age, and I will make it clear to them that their needs will always trump mine. If I need care, out me in a home

How are you going to pay for your care if you’ve given your money away? If you’re in your 30s it’s lunacy to even think about old age now.

Cameleon, Im talking adult children who have lost home and job. So do you just tell them sorry, my life is sorted. Sorry you have lost your home and job, but you cannot move back in as Im downsizing.

Sorry wrong thread! 🍷

@Gothichouse40. If you’re still in the family home, fair enough. But I wouldn’t expect a frail parent in their 80’s to hang onto a large house in case that happened, IYSWIM. My Dad and SM (80’s) find their bungalow a lot to manage now, despite having a cleaner, gardener, etc. They couldn’t possibly manage a larger place.

No perhaps not Cameleon. For me personally, I just feel there are not many choices to downsize to.

Yes, that's definitely a problem. I know DH and I will have to move from our terrace house at some point in the future, because it's not practical for older people, too many levels! Great with teenagers, though, they can get away from us.