Honestly - what are your plans for housing when you get older?

[Chicchicchicchiclana]

Slightly inspired by another thread but not a TAAT.

I see so many threads on Mumsnet where elderly parents do not want to move out of a house or home that is no longer suitable for them. My own 90 year old mother is in this situation. Although she lives in a bungalow it has front and back gardens that she hasn't been able to maintain for about 10 years and if anything goes wrong in the house either my brother or I have to sort it for her. She needs her bathroom converting now. We've overseen a new boiler and kitchen refurb, sourcing all the materials and workmen and keeping her company while work is going on - even though we both live quite a distance away.

The time for her to have moved to sheltered accommodation would have been about 5 years ago, but she didn't want to do it "because of the effort/stress".

My pledge to my children I make here and now is that I will face facts and do the right thing re. downsizing before I get too old for it.

Why don't some of the older generation get it? I know it's a form of denial and I know people can passionately love their houses and all the memories they represent, but why didn't they think about it before?

I don't mean to sound heartless and unkind. But have you thought about it (maybe 60ish plus) and what are your plans?

Yes possibly. I'm thinking a flat because although I'm not desperately attached to the house, I'm passionate about the area, and it's perfect for the Third Age as it's a quiet area tucked away near a city centre. So I'd like to stay local and there are flats here but no bungalows.

My darling MIL (87) is moving in with us so we are buying a 4 bed with a granny annexe. It’s lovely. At some point in the future, probably long after MIL dies 😥 we’ll sell up, move to a Bungalow and give the rest of the money to DD to buy a house. We’ve got it all planned out - fast approaching 60 now (I’m 57 and DP is 3 weeks off of 59). We won’t want stairs in 20 years time.

My next house I will be thinking about this!
Also have a plan B if a bunch of my friends and I end up widows - we're going to be like the golden girls and house share.

I don’t know but I would like DS not to be worrying about paying £2-4,000 a month on nursing home fees.

My plan is to downsize in 5-10 years, gift part of the proceeds of the house to DS and pray for an early death.

Mt grandma was just like this. My mother swore inside out that she would never do the same, never put us through the worry and hassle of trying to keep her in a house she couldn’t look after. Would move into sheltered housing at the first sign of being unable to cope, would never expect us to look after her.

I think you can guess the rest.

Also I loathe gardening

Karma - I have a detailed Advanced Directive in my GP notes refusing all life prolonging treatment after a certain age if I lose mental capacity. Rather than praying, you could do the same.

The house i live in now is a converted Bungalow, we made a big master up stairs with en-suite, and another spare bedroom, we then made sure that we had another bathroom and another bedroom downstairs, we did this when we were in our early 50’s. Unfortunately my DH parents, never did this so my father in law ended spending the last few months of his life in his upstairs bedroom, I can’t tell you how many times we asked them to move in there 70,s & 80,s, Would not listen to us, now mil is on her own and still refusing to move!!

I know that at least when we are old and can’t manage the stairs that we have everything we need down stairs, but I will miss my big master upstairs!! So will try and get up those stairs for as long as I can.

I have a large house with a large garden, it is expensive to run. Whilst my children were born and brought up in it, I have no intention of staying here when I get older. I want the money out (to help DCs), I want a smaller, cheaper to run house in a more retirement friendly location.

I am planning to downsize when not working in the town any more which is likely to be anywhere between 60 if I lose my job and don't get a decent full time one again and 67 when I can retire. It will be a wrench as been here over 30 years so far and a small place will be no good for my daughter's and their families to stay but I can't be old here. Too many stairs and way too much upkeep for an old duck. The logistics and expense of actually moving fills me with dread though.

We have a bungalow and our bedroom and bathroom are on the ground floor in their own sort of annex (seperate hall the the main one) then the kids are upstairs with their own shower room so technically we could easily stay here (we are around the corner from the village green which has everything we need and it is all flat around here).

My parents are late 70s and have been thinking about moving out of the large family home for years. ATM they are still very much enjoying their large garden (as are their beighbours on their 90s). There's not a set date when you suddenly can't manage it anymore.

My dad argues that the more housebound they become, the more space they'll need at home. I.e. it's better to be confined to 3 rooms than one.

There is a massive shortage of bungalows in my area and detached ones are often snapped up by builders who covert them into 4 bed homes so decreasing the supply further.

I think also if you are a retired couple, used to having separate work lives then suddenly being under each other’s feet in a small bungalow puts a lot of strain on the relationship.
So couples delay and then one, usually the woman, is left with the big house and either hasn’t the energy to move or doesn’t want to lose their last connection to their partner.

Flat living in the UK is shit. Not a freehold, build like a cardboard box, inconsiderate cunts for neighbours and little recourse to deal with their noise and aggression, no parking or outdoor space/courtyard with them, so many BTLs and AirB&Bs mean you can find yourself surrounded by total cunts.

So it's understandable people stay put in their houses.

Lurker. Signed up for reply to this
Can’t wait to leave our costly, high maintenance family home with two large gardens behind in the next 5 years or so and swap for a modern, low maintenance rooftop terrace flat. Only limitation will be size of the living and outside space.
We want to downsize in terms of number of rooms but don’t want to live in a rabbit hutch. So many 2/3 bed flats have tiny living spaces and no outside space at all. As a gardener, a decent balcony or terrace is essential for my well-being and my husband, who will continue to work part time for as long as he can, will need a workable office.

We’ll need to pay a premium I think.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Flat living in the UK is shit. Not a freehold, build like a cardboard box, inconsiderate cunts for neighbours and little recourse to deal with their noise and aggression, no parking or outdoor space/courtyard with them, so many BTLs and AirB&Bs mean you can find yourself surrounded by total cunts.

So it's understandable people stay put in their houses.

Yes, I love the idea of a small designer flat but it needs to be detached

@Beamur

My next house I will be thinking about this! Also have a plan B if a bunch of my friends and I end up widows - we're going to be like the golden girls and house share.

Dont want to put a dampner on that idea, but what happens if one of you becomes iller quicker or worse, than others?

@DeepNorthFarmGardening

I've said for a long time that as a housing policy it would make much more sense to give financial incentives to the over 70s to downsize than it does to support 'first time buyers' into new builds.

Yeah, but any talk of a big council tax increase on big properties or underoccuppied properties and people are up in arms. I'm not sure why this quite privileged group of people who own their houses outright should be given financial help over people who are struggling.

OH and I are in our late sixties atm and live in a shared-ownership house but only own 25% of the equity - soon after we moved in (after OH left the military), house prices started soaring, and we've never been able to afford to buy any more equity. I suppose we shall stay here and have a stairlift installed!

I'm in a 2 bed bungalow now late 40's.
It's not massive neither is it tiny. I will just stay here. I'm in walking distance of shops and drive for 2 cars and semi detached. More ideal in 20 years time than it is now really with 2 DD

I considered selling my big house and go mortgage free, then realised that the council tax + flat grounds maintenance fees were, combined, more than what I pay at my bigger house. Couldn’t find a bungalow that I loved or didn’t need a lot of expensive work. So I am staying out, probably would move downstairs eventually once I find a place to add a small shower room in the ground floor.

I sort of have the opposite problem to the op.
I live in the ideal place now. Trouble is, DH doesnt necessarily agree. Plus our kids live miles away.
The house is ideal. Location not necessarily so.

I’m 65, and I have thought about it, but my house has a spare downstairs shower room/loo and a second reception room that would easily convert to a bedroom. The house is about 30 yards from a bus stop and 150 yards from the village Spar.

I have lived here for nearly 40 years, raised my DDs here, buried my DH in the village churchyard. I would hate to move.
I had a foretaste of elderly life last year when I was very disabled by long covid. I had to hire a gardener and get my weekly Sainsbugs order delivered. But I managed.
My plan is to keep as fit as possible, and recuperate as much as I can from the covid, to remain independent as long as possible.
Pre covid, I used to be regularly thrashed at table tennis by a couple of 85 year old ladies in our club, so I hope a similarly long active life is achievable!
If I got beyond that, I would pay for carers to come in to my home, rather than go into residential care. I have told my DDs I would rather die with my boots on than end up dribbling and demented in a nursing home.

We're in our late 50s and in an upstairs flat. Already thinking about what will happen when we cant manage the stairs. Still got a mortgage though so stuck really