Honestly - what are your plans for housing when you get older?

[Chicchicchicchiclana]

Slightly inspired by another thread but not a TAAT.

I see so many threads on Mumsnet where elderly parents do not want to move out of a house or home that is no longer suitable for them. My own 90 year old mother is in this situation. Although she lives in a bungalow it has front and back gardens that she hasn't been able to maintain for about 10 years and if anything goes wrong in the house either my brother or I have to sort it for her. She needs her bathroom converting now. We've overseen a new boiler and kitchen refurb, sourcing all the materials and workmen and keeping her company while work is going on - even though we both live quite a distance away.

The time for her to have moved to sheltered accommodation would have been about 5 years ago, but she didn't want to do it "because of the effort/stress".

My pledge to my children I make here and now is that I will face facts and do the right thing re. downsizing before I get too old for it.

Why don't some of the older generation get it? I know it's a form of denial and I know people can passionately love their houses and all the memories they represent, but why didn't they think about it before?

I don't mean to sound heartless and unkind. But have you thought about it (maybe 60ish plus) and what are your plans?

@DishingOutDone

watching with interest; I want to split with my H, we are now late 50s/early 60s, not enough equity in our house for us to buy something each, what can we do - also still have on teen at home with SEN unlikely to be independent any time soon, plus the dog! Many people on here talk about having choices, I think that's the ideal isn't it - have a choice - I wish I have one!

You do have choices.

1. Rent
2. Speak to a solicitor about legally getting your husband to leave, you and SN child stay in the home.
3. Speak to council to see whether there's anything they can do about housing SN child (and you with them presuming you're primary carer).

There might be other options that's just what I thought of. I'm not saying any of these choices are easy or that you'd prefer them to your current circumstances, but you do have choices.

This is a bugbear of mine. MIL lives in a really unsuitable house - middle of nowhere, too big, old, cold so awful for her arthritis, needs huge repairs. But she has a ridiculous list of demands for a potential new house, so she won’t move and DH gets lumped with having to help with repairs when he already has a demanding job.

My own DP are semi-hoarders and really need to start doing some clearing before they get more infirm. And they need to accept getting a cleaner because it just isn’t hygienic. My mum had to go through clearing her parents house which was an absolute state, and she found it really traumatic, but doesn’t seem to make the connection that this is going to be left to me to do the same for them at some point. They do at least have a home that could be made more suitable and is on a busy road near bus routes etc for when they can’t drive.

@LimitIsUp

www.audleyvillages.co.uk/our-villages/stanbridge-earls#

I have my eye on this ^^

lovely, but a million near enough for a one bedder, not exactly for the likes of normal folk:( nice things for rich people who were always going to be sitting pretty anyway we need proper homes for normal people

@Fnib

I just had a look at rightmove for my local area, and there are several nice little 2 bed bungalows with amenities suitable for ageing in. They are in a new small estate for 'retirement living'. You have to be over 60. There is parking plus a little garden, is easily accessible and has a wet room. It's not a million miles from the rest of civilisation, and actually I could see us living there. It's also up for less than my 2 bed house, so we could buy it and be mortgage free. I could be very tempted buy it in 10 years time, or sooner if one of us were to be windowed or become disabled. It's the first time I have seen anything we could afford.

If you want to leave your children any kind of inheritance leave well alone as they're almost impossible to sell on. At the moment at least. There's one block of 30 in our town (or The Twilight Zone as we call it) which has 15 unoccupied flats for sale. And that service charge keeps racking up...

And as for the ones with equity release mortgages, well their families are getting nothing. Actually I think equity release should be illegal on retirement flats.

If you have no children, fill your boots.

Oh that's interesting @StCharlotte.Thanks for the heads up!

It'll be interesting to see if/how the market picks up once the pandemic is truly over.

Those of you who are thinking of selling larger properties to buy somewhere smaller for your self and gift money to your children - it's not just the needing to live 7 years to avoid inheritance tax that you need to consider. It's also that it can still be seen as deprivation of assets if you need care, and there is no time limit as far as I know.

@AloneInTheRoom

Those of you who are thinking of selling larger properties to buy somewhere smaller for your self and gift money to your children - it's not just the needing to live 7 years to avoid inheritance tax that you need to consider. It's also that it can still be seen as deprivation of assets if you need care, and there is no time limit as far as I know.

As far as I understand it's only if you have an expectation of care at the time you deprive yourself of the assets!

Fit and heathy at 65 - no expectation I would expect.

If I'm wrong would like to know. And what the 'cut off' would be...

Re the retirement flats: the service charges are a major issue, particularly once one partner dies and pension income is halved. But some blocks sell pretty well - they tend to be the posher ones. What i would say is, look at them in reality before you start planning around them. I've looked at a lot over the past 4 years and most are deeply depressing little boxes.

leave well alone as they're almost impossible to sell on. At the moment at least. There's one block of 30 in our town (or The Twilight Zone as we call it) which has 15 unoccupied flats for sale
but why? How can it be that our housing market is toxic and dysfunctional, how is it that our housing stock is not fit for purpose?
Why is it all so shit?

Because housing developers have paid successive governing parties of this country vast amounts of money in order to make billions. They control supply, they get regulations removed, they get requirements for 'affordable housing' [hah!] slashed.

the housing market is run to the detriment of the people that it is supposed to serve, they get rich as the country declines, where will they flee to with all their money as we crumble?
Off to another planet with Jeff bezos and the other billionaire lizards who predate upon the human species

@KarmaNoMore, at least around here, the ‘obsession with extending’ is because it’s usually quite a lot cheaper to do that, than to move from (say) a 3 to a 4 bed house. Ditto a 2 to a 3 bed.

Many older properties around here have extended into the loft, plus a kitchen extension at the back - the gardens are usually big enough to take it.

(I have said to DH that I can't face clearing out the loft so we can never move, and the kids will have to sort it out when we are dead.)

I guess your remark is somewhat tongue in cheek, but this is a horrible thing to do to your children.

but this is a horrible thing to do to your children
or does she mean she cant face getting rid of things that she's attached to but her children will just hire a house clearance firm and get rid of it with no qualms?

We live in a flat with no lift so, while once you're in it's a great layout with everything on one level, it wouldn't take a lot to be trapped inside when stairs became a struggle.

We'll move when the dcs leave probably. Likely another flat but ground floor.

I have said to DH that I can't face clearing out the loft so we can never move

I would pay someone who was prepared to help me declutter my home.
There's quite a gap in the market for it I think.
I've said it on here before, and someone has linked to a company that have set up to do just that, but they are incredibly expensive.
I just want someone affordable that would take stuff out of my house that I say I don't need anymore, and sort out what might sell at auction / on e-bay / at a boot sale, then do that boot sale.

My hoarding is based on not wanting to put stuff in landfill that someone else could use. I give a lot away on Freecycle type sites. Lots of stuff I'd be happy to give to families that could use it, or to charity shops, but there are odd things that are probably worth enough to make it worth selling, but it is time consuming. I can't just hire a skip and chuck things in that I know are still perfectly useable.
Plus, if I were paying someone to help me declutter for a few hours each week, it would focus my mind to stay on task and not get distracted by the million other things I also need to do.

@BackforGood out of interest what would you pay?
I was planning on setting up this business pre covid and am considering again now. I'm interested to know what would be a reasonable cost for the service.

Someone I know is trying to sell her deceased father’s retirement flat. Nightmare as no one is interested. People want to buy new because the developers provide huge incentives, sell your house for you and cover your legal fees. Sad thing is the father left a % to a niece who is under 16 so as part of probate the niece is represented by a solicitor who has final say as to if the price can be dropped.

Well, my cleaner charges £10 an hour. I'd say it is probably similar type of job?
In that it is the sort of thing where you could just work in school hours, and flexibly for looking at prices on-line etc. doesn't need a specific training, but needs honesty and a little bit of initiative. But it would be regular work over quite a long time.
I guess it does depend a bit on where you are in the country.

@BackforGood thanks. Yes I suppose it is a similar service. I'm Home Counties. But I would need to earn more to quit my day job.

Yes, I can see that. I think it is the difference between someone wanting to earn some money for a few hours work a week, vs people needing a full salary to live off.

When I struggle with stairs I would probably switch to a bungalow. I already have a cleaner twice a week but I'd pay carers to come and help me dress and shower if I needed to and a gardener to keep garden tidy too. I would rather go into a home than be a burden on my kids.

I would rather go into a home than be a burden on my kids
People say this and they speak if they are at liberty to choose between these two options, what if the children live too far away or are unable to do the work because they have too many other commitments?

We have a large house and we love it, it's definitely our forever home. So if we had to live downstairs in the future there is plenty of space and it would still work for us. I don't see the problem with that.