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Original poster

The OW is miserable with him

342 replies

BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 18:43

Split with ex about 6 years ago. I found out he had cheated for the 2nd time (2nd time that I knew about, there could have been more). The end of my relationship and his new relationship overlapped by 3 months. He is still with the OW.

3 months later I met my lovely DP, kind of recycled as we went out with each other at school. We are still together.

Friend met OW through a hobby. Friend assumed OW knew who she was but was just keeping quiet for the sake of peace in the group. However, it appears that OW hasn't clicked that her new hobby friend is a long standing friend of mine. OW has been confiding in friend - her partner / my ex cheats. He also compares her unfavourably to me all the time. Her appearance, career, cooking (and I'm a shit cook), everything. He also tells her that he could get back with me if he wanted to 😂😂😂. No chance of that, he's a dick.

Normally I'd feel sorry for a woman in this situation. But I see her as equally responsible as him for what happened - my life was suddenly turned upside down, I had to move house, was suddenly single, went on a holiday booked for me and ex by myself. It worked out well for me in the end but initially it was turmoil. I feel her actions caused her own misery.

Just wanted to vent 😃.

OP posts:
NoNever · 28/05/2021 20:01

@Potteringshed

No, sorry, I still think your "friend" is acting in a deeply unpleasant manner. If OW "latched on", your friend could distance herself or change the subject when OW started talking about her ex. At the very least she is capable of not passing all this information on for your entertainment. She isn't obliged to breach confidence for shits and giggles. She's choosing to. And it's not ok.
The OW doesn’t deserve confidence from the friends of the woman she hurt by knowingly having an affair with her partner.
BlackSwan · 28/05/2021 20:02

I love a happy ending. Everyone got what they deserved.

BigHeadBertha · 28/05/2021 20:02

I'm sure your ex is correct that she's not nearly as good as you are. If she was, she'd not likely have slimed around with him behind his wife's back in the first place.

And you have a much better guy now. So everyone got what they deserved, done. And I'd leave that ickiness far behind and ask your friend to stop giving you updates about them.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
RickiTarr · 28/05/2021 20:03

The OW doesn’t deserve confidence from the friends of the woman she hurt by knowingly having an affair with her partner.

How do you know it was “knowingly”?

Posters are filling in their own backstories here. At least four people have insisted OP was married to the nasty ex. She has said she wasn’t.

Original poster
BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 20:03

@NoNever

She made her bed knowing she shared it with a cheating jerk. If she chooses to keep lying in it, I see no reason why anyone should feel bad for her. She went into that one eyes wide open and didn’t care that she was hurting someone else when she did it.
Yes, if you are the OW, surely it's obvious that you are entering into a relationship with a cheater Hmm
OP posts:
littlepattilou · 28/05/2021 20:04

@Potteringshed

No, sorry, I still think your "friend" is acting in a deeply unpleasant manner. If OW "latched on", your friend could distance herself or change the subject when OW started talking about her ex. At the very least she is capable of not passing all this information on for your entertainment. She isn't obliged to breach confidence for shits and giggles. She's choosing to. And it's not ok.
This. ^

It's natural - and acceptable IMO - to feel a bit smug if your partner had an affair and left you, and it all went a bit wrong, and now both him and the OW are miserable.

However, there is something about all this that just leaves a bit of a bad taste in the mouth. It's all very 'childish-schoolgirl.' And there is something about the whole tale that's a bit odd.

So a woman (in this case the OW,) meets a stranger in a new social group, and tells her all about her personal life, her shit relationship, how awful her man treats her, and how he has said his ex is so much better, and he could get back with her at any time?

I wouldn't share this information with people I have known for YEARS, let alone a perfect stranger.

Can't quite put my finger on it, but something is just a bit 'off' with all of this.

Original poster
BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 20:04

We weren't married. He was the first boyfriend I lived with.

She did know about me. I went through his phone and saw the messages.

OP posts:
Milliepossum · 28/05/2021 20:05

The OWs character is bad, I would expect her complaints are selective and whether true or not are designed to manipulate the hiking group. She’s fundamentally as deceitful as he is so I think they probably deserve each other.

Bluntness100 · 28/05/2021 20:07

Gosh, I hope you’re enjoying your gloating and thinking youre all that and a bag of chips. He still cheated on you op.

Gingerwhinger01 · 28/05/2021 20:10

Was she quite young when she got with your ex op ?
I can understand that its satisfying that she's got her karma, just a shame that your ex seems to be leaving a trail of destruction in his path and seems to be getting off scot free.

Eviethyme · 28/05/2021 20:10

OW fault. She doesn't have to stay with him - _-

Lachimolala · 28/05/2021 20:10

It sounds like possible emotional abuse from him to her, no matter how I thought I’d been wronged I really just don’t think I could revel in that.

I’d feel concern for her.

Oh and don’t trust that nasty snake whose feeding back to you, which is pretty deplorable in itself actually.

NoNever · 28/05/2021 20:10

@Bluntness100

Gosh, I hope you’re enjoying your gloating and thinking youre all that and a bag of chips. He still cheated on you op.
Which says a lot about the cheating ex and the OW, but nothing at all about the OP.
GlitterBombing · 28/05/2021 20:11

@Bluntness100

Gosh, I hope you’re enjoying your gloating and thinking youre all that and a bag of chips. He still cheated on you op.
He's cheating on his current DP too. Doesn't sound like the cheating is a reflection on OP.
dontdoubtyourself · 28/05/2021 20:11

I'm with you op.
Bluntness.. Wtaf. Huge life trauma happened where op has picked herself up but still let's poijt out she's not all that as someone cheated on her.. No one makes anyone cheat. That's a reflection of their shitty character. Not op.

Chalcroft · 28/05/2021 20:11

Your vengeance is directed at the wrong person

Bluntness100 · 28/05/2021 20:12

@Lachimolala

It sounds like possible emotional abuse from him to her, no matter how I thought I’d been wronged I really just don’t think I could revel in that.

I’d feel concern for her.

Oh and don’t trust that nasty snake whose feeding back to you, which is pretty deplorable in itself actually.

And the snake is probably egging it up to make the op feel good. Telling her why she wants to hear and the op is lapping it up.
Colouringaddict · 28/05/2021 20:12

My gran used to say “God pays his debts without money and if you’re really lucky, you will get to see it”

You have been lucky!

GucciJackie · 28/05/2021 20:12

Id be suspicious. How can she not know you're friends. You're being trolled or dragged in to soap opera but you are not a fly on the wall

Original poster
BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 20:13

@Chalcroft

Your vengeance is directed at the wrong person
No vengeance here. Just a bit of a gloat that someone who helped turn my life upside down is unhappy.
OP posts:
littlepattilou · 28/05/2021 20:14

@Bluntness100

Gosh, I hope you’re enjoying your gloating and thinking youre all that and a bag of chips. He still cheated on you op.
This. ^ As I say, it's natural to feel a tad smug in a situation similar to this, but there is just something very childish and quite gleefully spiteful about it all. The OP, and her 'friend' who is bringing this information back - supposedly - sound very unpleasant.
Original poster
BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 20:14

@Colouringaddict

My gran used to say “God pays his debts without money and if you’re really lucky, you will get to see it”

You have been lucky!

I've never heard that saying before but I like it 😁.
OP posts:
GlitterBombing · 28/05/2021 20:15

Why do I think a group of OW have found this thread?

Lorw · 28/05/2021 20:17

Karma at its finest.

She made her bed and now she gets to lie in it. If she’s so unhappy of course she could just leave, instead of telling everyone how shit her life is, you can’t heal a burn with your hand still in the fire as they say.

lceniWarrior · 28/05/2021 20:17

Some of the things your friend has describe fit the description of emotional abuse. No idea why people would gloat over that.

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