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Original poster

The OW is miserable with him

342 replies

BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 18:43

Split with ex about 6 years ago. I found out he had cheated for the 2nd time (2nd time that I knew about, there could have been more). The end of my relationship and his new relationship overlapped by 3 months. He is still with the OW.

3 months later I met my lovely DP, kind of recycled as we went out with each other at school. We are still together.

Friend met OW through a hobby. Friend assumed OW knew who she was but was just keeping quiet for the sake of peace in the group. However, it appears that OW hasn't clicked that her new hobby friend is a long standing friend of mine. OW has been confiding in friend - her partner / my ex cheats. He also compares her unfavourably to me all the time. Her appearance, career, cooking (and I'm a shit cook), everything. He also tells her that he could get back with me if he wanted to 😂😂😂. No chance of that, he's a dick.

Normally I'd feel sorry for a woman in this situation. But I see her as equally responsible as him for what happened - my life was suddenly turned upside down, I had to move house, was suddenly single, went on a holiday booked for me and ex by myself. It worked out well for me in the end but initially it was turmoil. I feel her actions caused her own misery.

Just wanted to vent 😃.

OP posts:
slashlover · 29/05/2021 21:02

@3Britnee

*From what the op described, the ow is now in an emotionally abusive relationship with the ex. And many, many posters have gloated at that, revelled in it, virtually rubbed their hands with glee and uttered phrases like ‘you reap what you sow’ etc and mocked this woman.*

But you do reap what you sow 🤷‍♀️

For the avoidance of any doubt, I don’t think the ow is blameless, but nor would I take any joy in what she is experiencing now.

I would laugh and laugh. And then laugh some more.

Just desserts aren't always that nice.

To clarify, you think there are some behaviours where you think that a woman deserves to be in an abusive relationship? That someone being abused is funny?
sunglassesonthetable · 29/05/2021 21:05

To clarify, you think there are some behaviours where you think that a woman deserves to be in an abusive relationship? That someone being abused is funny?

Slash have you read the thread?

slashlover · 29/05/2021 21:19

Slash have you read the thread?

Yes. OW is potentially being emotionally used and PP are saying "karma", "you read what you sow" and in the post I quoted "I would laugh and laugh. And then laugh some more."

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Jubilate · 29/05/2021 21:24

I don't think you can judge someone for not taking a moral high ground, proceed to not take the moral high ground yourself and then get annoyed that people are pointing it out.

ElderMillennial · 29/05/2021 21:30

I think you sound a bit nasty OP but I can understand why you would feel that way

I think your friend should be honest with your ex's partner so she knows she's confiding in a friend of yours and that it's all getting back to you.

Blueskytoday06 · 29/05/2021 21:37

Boo hoo....karmas a bitch 😂😂😂

SaturdayRocks · 29/05/2021 22:15

Where are people getting that the OW is being abused?

Because he’s cheating on her?

BorderlineHappy · 29/05/2021 22:17

What did the ow expect though.
She went with him knowing he was a cheat.
And I'm sure he wasn't very complimentary about the op.

It's not like she didn't know what he was like.

StoneColdBitch · 30/05/2021 09:05

Given that OP wasn't married and they didn't have kids together, I don't think her partner's infidelity was that big a deal. He hadn't said vows. If I were OW I wouldn't think breaking up a cohabiting relationship with no marriage or kids was a big deal - after all, if they were that committed to each other they'd have got married...

Ijsbear · 30/05/2021 09:14

goodness, sunglassesonthetable Sammy could you get a room?

sunglassesonthetable · 30/05/2021 09:16

goodness, sunglassesonthetable Sammy could you get a room?

👍🏻

sunglassesonthetable · 30/05/2021 09:17

Given that OP wasn't married and they didn't have kids together, I don't think her partner's infidelity was that big a deal. He hadn't said vows. If I were OW I wouldn't think breaking up a cohabiting relationship with no marriage or kids was a big deal - after all, if they were that committed to each other they'd have got married...

wow 😳

littlepattilou · 30/05/2021 10:07

@StoneColdBitch

Given that OP wasn't married and they didn't have kids together, I don't think her partner's infidelity was that big a deal. He hadn't said vows. If I were OW I wouldn't think breaking up a cohabiting relationship with no marriage or kids was a big deal - after all, if they were that committed to each other they'd have got married...
Bit harsh. I do agree with the sentiment a bit though.

I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and can't fathom why a couple stay together for many years, and never get married. I do wonder if it's one of them is waiting for someone better to come along.

Especially as I have known some couples who have been together 8 to 10 years or more, who have split up, and within 2 years, one of them (usually the man,) is married. So it's not that he didn't want to get married, he just didn't want to marry HER...

I especially don't get why women agree to not getting married, especially, as they ALWAYS sacrifice more than the man in the relationship, especially if they have children with him. (So she will be worse off if/when they split up.) I definitely don't get why a woman has children with a man she is not married to.

And I agree that if their partner really meant a lot to them, they would get married.

I still don't think someone deserves to be cheated on though, not when they're in an exclusive relationship. And I don't regard a couple who are not married, as not serious, and not genuinely in love.

I do however, struggle to take the relationship of an unmarried couple, as seriously as a married couple. And so does the law. You aren't entitled to ANYthing if you're not married, nope not even if you have children together. Even your workplace won't take you seriously. If your 'partner' dies, you just try getting compassionate leave.

Original poster
BadgerHair · 30/05/2021 10:25

@StoneColdBitch

Given that OP wasn't married and they didn't have kids together, I don't think her partner's infidelity was that big a deal. He hadn't said vows. If I were OW I wouldn't think breaking up a cohabiting relationship with no marriage or kids was a big deal - after all, if they were that committed to each other they'd have got married...
It's about respect. If you commit to someone for 3 years and live with them, that person isn't just a random person you met in the street. You do owe that something. Even if you want to end the relationship then you should do it decently.
OP posts:
Sakura7 · 30/05/2021 10:30

That's an appalling comment StoneColdBitch

It's the norm for relationships to be exclusive unless the people involved decide otherwise, i.e. choose an open relationship.

Your view sounds like something from the 1950s. The idea that it's impossible to have a committed relationship outside of marriage is bizarre.

Ginger1982 · 30/05/2021 10:50

@StoneColdBitch

Given that OP wasn't married and they didn't have kids together, I don't think her partner's infidelity was that big a deal. He hadn't said vows. If I were OW I wouldn't think breaking up a cohabiting relationship with no marriage or kids was a big deal - after all, if they were that committed to each other they'd have got married...
Your username is pretty apt.
Blossomtoes · 30/05/2021 11:25

@StoneColdBitch

Given that OP wasn't married and they didn't have kids together, I don't think her partner's infidelity was that big a deal. He hadn't said vows. If I were OW I wouldn't think breaking up a cohabiting relationship with no marriage or kids was a big deal - after all, if they were that committed to each other they'd have got married...
Jesus wept. Seriously?
GlitterBombing · 30/05/2021 11:38

And after all the OP did not wish that on the OW, the OW put herself in that postIon AGAINST the OP's wishes. OP DID NOT WANT the OW in that RELATIONSHIP. THat's the point.

Well said. The OW put herself in the situation she is in now - she knowingly got into a relationship with a cheater. Maybe I'm missing something but I don't understand what the OP did wrong in this situation.

Gingerwhinger01 · 30/05/2021 11:57

Maybe I'm missing something but I don't understand what the OP did wrong in this situation.
Apparently feeling a little smug about someone getting their comeuppance is very bad. The op should be crying for the poor love and maybe go round and give her a big hug. Said by people who have likely never experienced the pain of infidelity and haven't got a fucking clue.

GlitterBombing · 30/05/2021 12:00

@Gingerwhinger01

Yes. The OP hasn't actively gone out of her way to hurt the OW. Unlike the OW and OP's ex who did actively go out of their way to hurt OP. All OP is doing is enjoying a bit of karma, that she heard about on the grapevine.

StoneColdBitch · 30/05/2021 13:04

I would see it as a pretty big red flag if I'd been with a man for 3 years and we weren't at least engaged, unless you were both very young indeed when you met.

Marriage is the conventional way of showing that a relationship is committed. With no ring on his finger, he was fair game for OW, in my opinion.

But I can see from the responses on this thread that that is a minority view.

Blossomtoes · 30/05/2021 13:09

@StoneColdBitch

I would see it as a pretty big red flag if I'd been with a man for 3 years and we weren't at least engaged, unless you were both very young indeed when you met.

Marriage is the conventional way of showing that a relationship is committed. With no ring on his finger, he was fair game for OW, in my opinion.

But I can see from the responses on this thread that that is a minority view.

I think it’s a huge understatement to say it’s a minority view. It’s absolutely bonkers. And I say that as someone who’s a proponent of marriage.
GlitterBombing · 30/05/2021 13:19

With no ring on his finger, he was fair game for OW, in my opinion.

Bonkers.

sunglassesonthetable · 30/05/2021 13:28

With no ring on his finger, he was fair game for OW, in my opinion.

Seeing it all on this thread😳

Peppapeg · 30/05/2021 13:31

You sound nice OP.

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