The OW is miserable with him

[BadgerHair]

Split with ex about 6 years ago. I found out he had cheated for the 2nd time (2nd time that I knew about, there could have been more). The end of my relationship and his new relationship overlapped by 3 months. He is still with the OW.

3 months later I met my lovely DP, kind of recycled as we went out with each other at school. We are still together.

Friend met OW through a hobby. Friend assumed OW knew who she was but was just keeping quiet for the sake of peace in the group. However, it appears that OW hasn't clicked that her new hobby friend is a long standing friend of mine. OW has been confiding in friend - her partner / my ex cheats. He also compares her unfavourably to me all the time. Her appearance, career, cooking (and I'm a shit cook), everything. He also tells her that he could get back with me if he wanted to 😂😂😂. No chance of that, he's a dick.

Normally I'd feel sorry for a woman in this situation. But I see her as equally responsible as him for what happened - my life was suddenly turned upside down, I had to move house, was suddenly single, went on a holiday booked for me and ex by myself. It worked out well for me in the end but initially it was turmoil. I feel her actions caused her own misery.

Just wanted to vent 😃.

@Peppapeg

You sound nice OP.

Nicer than the OW and the ex though.

OP hasn't actively gone out of her way to hurt either of them. OW and OP's ex did actively go out of their way to hurt OP.

Marriage is the conventional way of showing that a relationship is committed. With no ring on his finger, he was fair game for OW, in my opinion.

Every time I think this thread can't get weirder, it does. You consider it alright to poach other women's boyfriends and partners up until they get a ring on their finger, then it's hands off? That's the most upside down set of standards I've ever heard of.

It's nearly as bad as To be clear, he still chose her over you.

OP I think you know yourself a bit of schadenfreude is harmless, as long as you don't dwell on it. But I think you also know that posting on mumsnet is an invitation for a brawl!

@StoneColdBitch

I would see it as a pretty big red flag if I'd been with a man for 3 years and we weren't at least engaged, unless you were both very young indeed when you met.

Marriage is the conventional way of showing that a relationship is committed. With no ring on his finger, he was fair game for OW, in my opinion.

But I can see from the responses on this thread that that is a minority view.

I don't agree with you about the 'not married, fair game' but I agree that there just are degrees (for want of a better word) of wrongness for sure. The OP and her then boyfriend were together 3 years, living together but I'm surmising pretty young. Not all relationships last and sometimes other people are involved in the ending but this is simply not the same thing as a couple of very long standing (whether married or not) and especially so if they had children. And as always, regardless of context, the primary person to blame is the one in the relationship, nobody can steal someone elses spouse and getting involved with someone in a relationship with someone else is not a good or nice thing to do but it is not a crime, is only one of many, many ways we humans can hurt one another and is something that many, perhaps even most people have done at some stage in their lives

The OW didn't actually murder anyone this is true.

There wasn't a marriage, perhaps the people were involved were young, no kids, whatever, whatever, whatever. ( obvs feelings don't actually count in certain situations...)

But in my book OW was a bitch. Not as much I grant you, as the cunt of an ex.

So OP is probably not a little bit gloaty that the all is not happy in paradise for either of these two.

But OP never asked or wanted this situation.

They did.

But OP never asked or wanted this situation. They did.

Yes, the OW's situation is entirely of her own making.

@StoneColdBitch

I would see it as a pretty big red flag if I'd been with a man for 3 years and we weren't at least engaged, unless you were both very young indeed when you met.

Marriage is the conventional way of showing that a relationship is committed. With no ring on his finger, he was fair game for OW, in my opinion.

But I can see from the responses on this thread that that is a minority view.

God, you're odd.

You all sound like horrible people.

@IAmFleshIAmBone

I think the OW and OP's ex are the horrible people.

I think the OW and OP's ex are the horrible people.

OK cool. I think they're all horrible people.

Also don't '@' me, I'm on the thread already.

@IAmFleshIAmBone

It was so that you knew the comment was directed at you.

It was so that you knew the comment was directed at you.

Right you are. It's really important for me to be notified by email every time someone has a differing opinion to me on mumsnet

Right you are. It's really important for me to be notified by email every time someone has a differing opinion to me on mumsnet

Err you run the settings. 🤷‍♀️

Err you run the settings. 🤷‍♀️

Sure, left on because there are times where it IS important that I see someone's post. Most people know when it's appropriate. But "look at me! Over here! Having a different opinion!" is not one of those times. Luckily most people on here are aware of this etiquette and have the good manners not do it after being asked not to.

🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyway sorry to derail the OP's lovely celebratory thread gloating about the OW being in an abusive relationship.

It's perfectly normal to tag people in response to a comment, stop being so precious IAmFleshIAmBone

You can always change your settings so you don't get the emails.

Sure, left on because there are times where it IS important that I see someone's post. Most people know when it's appropriate

Hilarious. Posters should know when you think it's important. Give over.
"most people ". yeah right.

Do you know the OP is in an abusive relationship?

"OW"

Any news OP, has the OW dumped your shitbag ex yet?