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The OW is miserable with him

342 replies

BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 18:43

Split with ex about 6 years ago. I found out he had cheated for the 2nd time (2nd time that I knew about, there could have been more). The end of my relationship and his new relationship overlapped by 3 months. He is still with the OW.

3 months later I met my lovely DP, kind of recycled as we went out with each other at school. We are still together.

Friend met OW through a hobby. Friend assumed OW knew who she was but was just keeping quiet for the sake of peace in the group. However, it appears that OW hasn't clicked that her new hobby friend is a long standing friend of mine. OW has been confiding in friend - her partner / my ex cheats. He also compares her unfavourably to me all the time. Her appearance, career, cooking (and I'm a shit cook), everything. He also tells her that he could get back with me if he wanted to 😂😂😂. No chance of that, he's a dick.

Normally I'd feel sorry for a woman in this situation. But I see her as equally responsible as him for what happened - my life was suddenly turned upside down, I had to move house, was suddenly single, went on a holiday booked for me and ex by myself. It worked out well for me in the end but initially it was turmoil. I feel her actions caused her own misery.

Just wanted to vent 😃.

OP posts:
GammyLeg · 28/05/2021 20:32

Posters saying this is “bullying” or “vengeance” wtf?! She hasn’t had any contact with the bloody woman!

Enjoy your gloaty moment OP. Schadenfreude is a human response. Glad you are in a happy relationship now.

BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 20:32

@Crazycatlady83

I'd enjoy the moment of smugness OP and be thankful that ex and OW found each other - if not, you could have ended up with him forever! Being the "bigger person" is all well and good, but I doubt IRL many could manage it to the extent being spouted on here!
Thank you. I'm a bit surprised by the finger wagging, guess I've touched a nerve.
OP posts:
LemmysAceCard · 28/05/2021 20:32

Nah, I would be happy she was so miserable, she got involved with a cheat, what does she expect? That she was different? He wouldn’t do it to her?

OP is doing nothing wrong, she is not causing or doing any harm to the OW, just thinks “ serves you right” and why shouldn’t she

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

inmyslippers · 28/05/2021 20:34

Ooh thats such satisfying karma

PeriMisabastard · 28/05/2021 20:35

What goes around comes around. Enjoy your moment.

If his behaviour towards OW is abusive then that’s nothing for OP to concern herself with, at this stage it’s hearsay, she owes the ow nothing.

The mutual friend being the sounding post is the one who is behaving questionably by sharing this ‘gossip’ with the OP. The OPs reaction is entirely normal and one I would expect anyone on the planet to have in her situation.

slashlover · 28/05/2021 20:36

Friend is in a group. It's not her fault that this woman has turned up and started moaning about her relationship to anyone who will listen. Why should my friend have to leave the group because of this woman?

PP never said your friend should leave the group, she shouldn't be passing on personal details of this woman's life.

Meowchickameowmeow · 28/05/2021 20:36

Friend is in a group. It's not her fault that this woman has turned up and started moaning about her relationship to anyone who will listen. Why should my friend have to leave the group because of this woman?

Where did I say she should leave the group? She's choosing to share what this woman is saying with you, she could very easily not do that.

Lachimolala · 28/05/2021 20:38

Friend is in a group. It's not her fault that this woman has turned up and started moaning about her relationship to anyone who will listen. Why should my friend have to leave the group because of this woman?
Who says she has to leave? The keeping quiet about your friendship and scurrying off back to you to tell you everything OW has said is really disgusting bitchy behaviour. Why doesn’t she just say you two are friends and she doesn’t want to hear it? OW will stop talking to her and around her then which sounds like what your friend apparently wants, people don’t ‘latch on’ to unfriendly people so I’m betting your friend isn’t being all that honest with you either. It’s all very disingenuous OP.

Cushionsnotpillows · 28/05/2021 20:38

This ridiculous level of saintliness is another stupid expectation to pile onto women and it can feck right off.

Couldn't have put it better myself. Women are socialised into being "nice" at all times. Even nice to an OW?

Nope, I'd be quietly thinking they got what they deserved too. She knew he was a cheat. She can leave too if she isn't happy and sounds like she should do so!

ScrollingLeaves · 28/05/2021 20:38

“BadgerHair

I'm not doing anything to her.

She chose him, knowing he was in a long term relationship with someone else, and went for it anyway. She got what she wanted - a relationship with him.“

Yes, and by getting him she was self-evidently getting a possible cheater.

Though perhaps not necessarily as sometimes married people are just not suited and one might have got carried away with someone who turned out to be a real love of their life - not that ending by cheating is ever anything but horrible.

What is so lovely is that it all turned out to be a favour to you as you are now with someone lovely.💐💐💐

What an extraordinary coincidence that your friend has heard all this!

Winederlust · 28/05/2021 20:38

@RickiTarr

You keel saw she’s “moaning” OP, but that suggests she’s complaining about something trivial. Psychological abuse from a partner isn’t trivial, and she doesn’t deserve it because she has done things wrong in the past.
Hmm, whilst I agree in principle, this women clearly knew what she was getting herself into when she took up with OP's ex. It doesn't excuse what the ex is doing but she can hardly be surprised can she?!

I don't see anything wrong in the OP feeling a little self-satisfaction on hearing that what goes around comes around. It's not like she's dancing on this woman's grave...

GlitterBombing · 28/05/2021 20:39

I think friend is getting a hard time too. Friend has been friends with OP since school and was probably there for the fall out this woman was partially responsible for.

Why should friend or the OP have any loyalty or sympathy for this woman?

(Although they could always thank her for taking a prize twat out of their lives)

RickiTarr · 28/05/2021 20:39

@GlitterBombing

Why do I think a group of OW have found this thread?
I washing the opposite. Some women seem to become very embittered after being cheated on. Threads about OW on MN always go a bit bonkers.
littlepattilou · 28/05/2021 20:41

I don't know about some OW being on this thread, but there sure are a bunch of women who have been cheated on, and are bitter and angry about it. And they are the ones supporting the behaviour of the OP and her 'friend.' Wink

spotcheck · 28/05/2021 20:42

The other woman learned a valuable lesson the hard way.

Your friend, however.....

She is being a snake

RickiTarr · 28/05/2021 20:43

Hmm, whilst I agree in principle, this women clearly knew what she was getting herself into when she took up with OP's ex. It doesn't excuse what the ex is doing but she can hardly be surprised can she?!

Is it clear that she knew? He sounds a very manipulative man. We don’t know anything other than what OP is telling us and she sounds just a bit too gleeful to be a reliable source. The only two “OW” I’ve ever met were below average intelligence and very malleable.

BorderlineHappy · 28/05/2021 20:43

To be clear, he still chose her over you.
@Bluntness100 that comment makes you sound about 10.

Bluntness100 · 28/05/2021 20:43

Hmm, whilst I agree in principle, this women clearly knew what she was getting herself into when she took up with OP's ex

How do you know this? How do you know what he told this woman? Very few women get involved wirh a man who says “ fuck me I really love and fancy my partner”

I’d guess this woman is saying no such thing as the ops being told. But rhe friend is bullshitting the op to make her feel good.

And its worked. I mean cmon, the girlfriend turns up, just happens to meet the ops mate and goes on about how he compares her to the op and prefers the op? Even though he cheated on the op with her?

Aye that’s happening.

Winederlust · 28/05/2021 20:46

@Bluntness100

No vengeance here. Just a bit of a gloat that someone who helped turn my life upside down is unhappy.

Yeah that’s not nice. And says something about you that’s unpleasant.

To be clear, he still chose her over you.

Wow, you're pleasant aren't you Hmm
RunningFromInsanity · 28/05/2021 20:47

To be clear, he still chose her over you.

Presumably because he realised the Op wasn’t the meek woman he wanted/needed to abuse?

I don’t think the OW is a ‘winner’ in this..

NewLifeInTheSouth · 28/05/2021 20:48

OW hasn't clicked that her new hobby friend is a long standing friend of mine. OW has been confiding in friend - her partner / my ex cheats. He also compares her unfavourably to me all the time. Her appearance, career, cooking (and I'm a shit cook), everything. He also tells her that he could get back with me if he wanted to

Your friend knows the OW well enough to hear to this amount of intimate detail about their relationship and yet your friend still hasn't been straight with her about being good friends with you? Hmm

This is going to go very, very wrong for your friend. At some point she's going to have to dig herself out of this hole and she won't come out of it looking well.

BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 20:49

I've said it a few times, when I was suspicious that he was cheating (as he had done it before), I started looking for evidence. I went through his phone and there were several messages showing that she knew about me. Including them arranging for her to come and stay at our house, when I was away for the weekend.

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 28/05/2021 20:50

She made her bed. Anyone who says they’d feel sorry for her is saintlier than me.

Winederlust · 28/05/2021 20:51

@RickiTarr

Hmm, whilst I agree in principle, this women clearly knew what she was getting herself into when she took up with OP's ex. It doesn't excuse what the ex is doing but she can hardly be surprised can she?!

Is it clear that she knew? He sounds a very manipulative man. We don’t know anything other than what OP is telling us and she sounds just a bit too gleeful to be a reliable source. The only two “OW” I’ve ever met were below average intelligence and very malleable.

OK so because that's your experience that's what must happen in every situation?

My mum left my dad for another man. The other man subsequently cheated on her and left her. I love my mum and sympathised with her but I also thought she got her karma.

It is possible to feel both things at the same time.

inmyslippers · 28/05/2021 20:51

If it was my friend, I'd expect her to get the goss