The OW is miserable with him

[BadgerHair]

Split with ex about 6 years ago. I found out he had cheated for the 2nd time (2nd time that I knew about, there could have been more). The end of my relationship and his new relationship overlapped by 3 months. He is still with the OW.

3 months later I met my lovely DP, kind of recycled as we went out with each other at school. We are still together.

Friend met OW through a hobby. Friend assumed OW knew who she was but was just keeping quiet for the sake of peace in the group. However, it appears that OW hasn't clicked that her new hobby friend is a long standing friend of mine. OW has been confiding in friend - her partner / my ex cheats. He also compares her unfavourably to me all the time. Her appearance, career, cooking (and I'm a shit cook), everything. He also tells her that he could get back with me if he wanted to 😂😂😂. No chance of that, he's a dick.

Normally I'd feel sorry for a woman in this situation. But I see her as equally responsible as him for what happened - my life was suddenly turned upside down, I had to move house, was suddenly single, went on a holiday booked for me and ex by myself. It worked out well for me in the end but initially it was turmoil. I feel her actions caused her own misery.

Just wanted to vent 😃.

@hauntedcomputer

Oh, who cares about being "nice" to the OW? Seriously? I wouldn't feel sorry for her. Not one little bit. She made her choices, and now she's living with the consequences. OP clearly disdains her piece-of-crap ex, so it's not as though she's pinned all the blame on the OW. Both of them were horrible, and it's amusing when people who have wronged get a little slap from karma.

Agree!

Some of the OW support group members here are projecting massively onto the OP.

She's clearly not hung up on her ex, or wishing disability or stillbirth or abuse on anyone. Pull your heads in for Christs sake.

That would make my day

@SaturdayRocks

There really are some tedious (and deeply childish) people on this thread.

OP - it’s great that you’ve moved on and met someone much better suited to you. Also great that you have an old friend in your life who’s loyalty is to you.

Sometimes things happen in life which are ostensibly awful, but are actually a way of breaking a circuit, and opening the way for better times ahead.

Onwards and upwards for you and your DP.

Yes 100% this.

I get no sense from the OP that she's spent years thinking about her breakup with this ex, and her 'revelry' is nothing more than a bit of natural schadenfreude.

Re the friend, if it was my long term friend I can see how it might be awkward for her...her primary loyalty is to OP so to not tell her what OW (who she's only just met) has said is greater treachery than telling OP all. I can see that in her position you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

My ex cheated with a few different OW. Only one (possibly OW2) seemed a decent person with morals - she had no idea about me - the rest all knew about me and our family. After we split he cheated on his new girlfriend/one of the OW (NGF/OW1) with someone else (OW2?). She assumed he was cheating on her with me so sent me lots of verbal abuse and threats of violence. I was completely out of the picture.

Ex ended up with someone else who is a fairly decent sort. NGF/OW1 still hates me intensely and I have no idea why. She was the one to chase someone who should have been unavailable. I don't understand why it isn't my ex she hates. She seems to think he was led by his dick and that excuses him for cheating on her.

I don't care about my ex's relationships anymore. For my daughter's sake I want stability for him. I still feel a lot of anger towards NG1/OW1. I am angry my ex even introduced her to my daughter and could consider her as a potential step parent to our child. I think she is a vile human being.

I wonder what my ex told people. He is the most responsible yet seems the most unscathed by it.

I see your point @GlitterBombing but I agree with pp that considering the OW now being in an abusive relationship as 'karma' is quite shitty. She could really put the boot in by getting friend, who OW has been publicly confiding in at their hobby, to reveal she knows OP all along. OW will be so ashamed/embarassed she will leave the ladies walking group and loose any hope of support from those ladies. Yay karma.

While it takes two to tango the ow never owed anything to op, and given her current situation obviously has boundary issues. If ex was miserable then sure I would understand but actually it looks like he is doing just fine!

My ex screwed over the OW eventually and she handled it in a very undignified manner, 😁 he's not even happy with OW number two 😁.

If it's closure. Tell your friend to stop repeating her misery to you?

It's very bitchy and immature. If you're so happy with your DP not sure why you'd made a thread about the OW and still talk about your ex but okay...

She could really put the boot in by getting friend, who OW has been publicly confiding in at their hobby, to reveal she knows OP all along. OW will be so ashamed/embarassed she will leave the ladies walking group and loose any hope of support from those ladies.

OP posted below that she has no intention of letting OW know that friend is friends with OP. It sounds like friend is distancing herself from OW as much as she can, without leaving the group.

This is very funny, if l was you then l would be killing myself laughing. My husband ran off with someone else, married her and from what l have heard isn’t happy. Probably compounded by the fact he wanted kids, told he was leaving me to marry her and have children. Problem is they can’t have children. Aaah karma is a bitch!

@MerryChristmasToYou exactly!

@EL8888

This is very funny, if l was you then l would be killing myself laughing. My husband ran off with someone else, married her and from what l have heard isn’t happy. Probably compounded by the fact he wanted kids, told he was leaving me to marry her and have children. Problem is they can’t have children. Aaah karma is a bitch!

Yes , fertility troubles are just hilarious. I am sure he did run off....

I’d feel the same as you OP. All the do gooders saying ‘that’s mean’ 🙄 what’s mean? That you aren’t sad that the women that had an affair with your ex isn’t happy with him...

Of course you can feel a bit ‘What goes around comes around’ with a little smirk.

Ignore those that would invite the OW for a coffee and sympathy.... 🤯

@theleafandnotthetree what can l say, him cheating on me and trying to rip me off in the divorce didn’t endear him to me. Fertility troubles are hardly a bundle of laughs no, my 2nd round of IVF has just failed. OW was an alleged friend of mine so she did know me and know l existed

good enough for her, you reap what you sow. Of course in this woke world everyone is a victim as shown by many of the 'poor her' comments above. Personal responsibility seems to be no longer a thing. I'd be laughing OP and feeling pretty good and you didn't even have to do a thing. Score.

So much false equivalency going on.

Sounds like you're more happy she's suffering than your cheating , scumbag ex.

I'd tell your friend she needs to find another hobby instead of laughing at someone else's misery.

No seriously, I'd let the OW know..she needs to get out and dump that idiot.

No seriously, I'd let the OW know..she needs to get out and dump that idiot.

Let her know what? That he’s a cheater? I think she’s privy to that information....

Its karma

Two dishonest people got together and caused havoc for others in the process. Can't say I feel sorry for either of them. OP, you have every right to enjoy watching them get everything they thought they wanted .

@BadgerHair
He is probably rubbing his hands with glee that you are just as unhappy with your life now,he is probably regretting every move he made in cheating on you.He is probably thinking about you all of the time and wishing he could turn back the clock.He is probably doing all of the things you are doing...NOT
Because he is him
And the partners in his life don’t call him out.
He will never suffer for it.
So leave him to it.

@AlternativePerspective

And to be honest when I see posts from women gloating about domestic abuse or stillbirth or disability I think that it’s not actually that hard to see why their partners cheated on them.

Absolutely this.

I believe that partners cheat because they are cheaters.
Or don’t have the ability to discuss honestly their feelings about a relationship they once committed to.
Nothing to do with how the cheated- on partner reacts afterwards.

@AlternativePerspective

And to be honest when I see posts from women gloating about domestic abuse or stillbirth or disability I think that it’s not actually that hard to see why their partners cheated on them.

I agree there.

Thinking "Well, you wanted him. You got him" and moving on, is different from taking pleasure in another person's distress. That is horrible!

This man doubtless lied and schemed to get into this woman's knickers, and she, knowing that he was in a relationship let herself be persuaded. I'd probably think "Serves her right." but depending on what sort of person she was (naive? or manipulative?) would have s smidgeon of sympathy. Mainly, I would be unlikely to think about it much. I wouldn't want updates from my friend, for a start.

I'm not picking up that the OP thinks she's won. Her ex and the OW treated her terribly, the OP is just having a "karma bites" moment as it doesn't sound as though the OW, at least, is happy with the end result of their actions.

This is the impression I got, too.

This is hilarious!

All you woman who’d be sympathetic to the woman who turned your life upside down (yeah yeah the DP was more culpable) well aren’t you just winning at life and #beingkind.

Fuck that! I’d enjoy a moment of schadenfreude over someone who pinched a parking space from me ten years ago. If a woman fucked my husband I’d absolutely feel smug that what goes around comes around.

That’s not because I’m emotionally invested, a bad person or lacking in closure.