Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 ··· 13 14

Original poster

The OW is miserable with him

342 replies

BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 18:43

Split with ex about 6 years ago. I found out he had cheated for the 2nd time (2nd time that I knew about, there could have been more). The end of my relationship and his new relationship overlapped by 3 months. He is still with the OW.

3 months later I met my lovely DP, kind of recycled as we went out with each other at school. We are still together.

Friend met OW through a hobby. Friend assumed OW knew who she was but was just keeping quiet for the sake of peace in the group. However, it appears that OW hasn't clicked that her new hobby friend is a long standing friend of mine. OW has been confiding in friend - her partner / my ex cheats. He also compares her unfavourably to me all the time. Her appearance, career, cooking (and I'm a shit cook), everything. He also tells her that he could get back with me if he wanted to 😂😂😂. No chance of that, he's a dick.

Normally I'd feel sorry for a woman in this situation. But I see her as equally responsible as him for what happened - my life was suddenly turned upside down, I had to move house, was suddenly single, went on a holiday booked for me and ex by myself. It worked out well for me in the end but initially it was turmoil. I feel her actions caused her own misery.

Just wanted to vent 😃.

OP posts:

hauntedcomputer · 28/05/2021 21:47

Oh, who cares about being "nice" to the OW? Seriously? I wouldn't feel sorry for her. Not one little bit. She made her choices, and now she's living with the consequences. OP clearly disdains her piece-of-crap ex, so it's not as though she's pinned all the blame on the OW. Both of them were horrible, and it's amusing when people who have wronged get a little slap from karma.

TotorosCatBus · 28/05/2021 21:47

@Jazzy1814

People are taking this too seriously let the wronged lady have her moment they sure as hell had theirs.

^^ agree

I've been cheated on. Don't want him back and would feel exactly the same as you OP.

PizzaCrust · 28/05/2021 21:48

I can’t feel any symphony for anyone who willingly hooks up with a man they know has a partner at the time. It’s repulsive. The weeks or months of little jokes and digs being made about his (for my example) wife. The sneaking around her. Laughing at how stupid she is. The months of feeling superior to a woman who’s only crime was to trust the man she loves. It’s disgusting.

So, OW gets the guy, she wins the prize... and she gets treated like shit? Boo hoo. It’s a tale as old as time and I’m sorry but “women” aren’t naive to it. They simply choose to ignore the narrative that a man who is willing to cheat on his long term partner is willing to be a shit person with her, too. It’s not OPs fault that the woman is deluded.

Of course, I wouldn’t wish anyone to be abused. I’m sure OP doesn’t either. But she made her bed and she can lie in it. I can’t respect women who don’t respect other women.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems

SchadenfreudePersonified · 28/05/2021 21:49

Recently there was a thread on here talking about people’s experiences of karma after a relationship breakdown, and one poster actually posted that she was glad her ex and his OW had suffered a stillbirth

I remember that thread perspective - if was a horrible thing to say. What was just as bad was another poster (IIRC) describing how her ex and his OW (then his wife) had had two seriously disabled children. How anyone could take pleasure in a child's suffering, no matter what the parents had done, is beyond me.

RickiTarr · 28/05/2021 21:50

Oh, who cares about being "nice" to the OW?

Nobody does. Nobody has said be nice to the OW.

Seriously? I wouldn't feel sorry for her. Not one little bit. She made her choices, and now she's living with the consequences. OP clearly disdains her piece-of-crap ex, so it's not as though she's pinned all the blame on the OW. Both of them were horrible, and it's amusing when people who have wronged get a little slap from karma.

If he was “just” cheating on her, you’d be right. Like for like. All balances out.

Domestic abuse isn’t funny, though. Not to adults.

Whythesadface · 28/05/2021 21:50

Having watched the OW in who took my child's dad, I do know he was a willing party.
Karma as you say is a strange thing.
She found out I was the money who paid for everything. She thought he had a good job, he thought she had a good job. I knew both had lost their jobs and were only due one more lot of wages.
It is beautiful to see the end results.

RickiTarr · 28/05/2021 21:51

@SchadenfreudePersonified

Eurgh. Aren’t people revolting?

hauntedcomputer · 28/05/2021 21:53

If OW is being abused by the man, she can leave him. I doubt there's anything stopping her.

hauntedcomputer · 28/05/2021 21:55

... Or she can wait until he leaves her, as it seems he already has the next OW lined up and ready to go.

In any case, none of this is OP's fault, and I still don't blame her for feeling a little "yeah, what a prize he is, aren't you glad you got him?!" toward the original OW. Don't really care if that's "adult" or me to feel or not, tbh. It's a perfectly reasonable, human reaction, as far as I'm concerned.

RickiTarr · 28/05/2021 21:55

@hauntedcomputer

If OW is being abused by the man, she can leave him. I doubt there's anything stopping her.

Yep, I hope she does and I hope she’s learnt a few things from the cheating and the relationship.

I still think anyone who laughs and calls abuse “karma” is pondlife, though.

A cheater being cheated on is different, and it’s fair enough to chuckle at that.

30littletoes · 28/05/2021 21:55

Well don’t you sound lovely .

Taking your situation out of the equation, your friend is being dishonest by omission towards someone who sounds vulnerable and miserable, and like she’s subject to emotional abuse. I’m not sure how anyone could rejoice or gloat about that. Sharing personal details of this nature is unkind.

The tone of this thread is so slimy and I really don’t think you come out of this well OP.

Your boyfriend (not husband, no children or commitments) was horrible and cheated on you. She didn’t do that to you, he did. Lord knows what was being said to her at the time. Even though she was aware of you I don’t think she deserves the behaviours being described.

Not ever been an OW before anyone gets started on that one.
My ExH was a complete piece of work but I would never wish his new partner ill, I even occasionally worry about her- I don’t get, 6 years later, your pent up anger and ill wishes towards this OW.

theleafandnotthetree · 28/05/2021 21:55

@Blossomtoes

So if you’re not married or don’t have children your relationship is fair game and it’s fine to be unfaithful *@theleafandnotthetree*? Some people’s standards are incredibly low.

Not at all, but I do think that there are degrees for sure. I had a very serious boyfriend in my mid 20s, we had a long distance relationship and I have reason to believe he cheated on me. Though that wasn't why we broke up. All I think when I look back on that is not any sense of outrage but a feeling of 'oh well, we weren't right for each other, these things happen, life goes on'. I have no strong feelings about the morality of it and no thoughts whatsoever about his partner in 'crime'. Obviously, OP's situation is further along the dial than mine - they were living together - but truthfully yes, I don't think it warrants the same feelings as a couple of very long standing, who are married and who have children together. First serious relationships often end and yes, often there is someone else in the picture, if not overtly, then in the back of someones mind. This is hardly news. Relationships and the ending of same are messy and people get hurt and sometimes get their hearts ripped out but that is the risk we take when we enter the dance. I have been both hurt and have hurt people, none of it deliberately, all of it human

Thewinterofdiscontent · 28/05/2021 21:56

Mmm. I’ve been were you are.

We chose badly. They were never “taken” or whatever sorry tale we tell ourselves. Our partners were the wrong ones for us.

Chalk it up and move on. Also never pretend the new relationship is any better if really you are just proving a point. I’ve been in 16 years to be stubborn.

Thewinterofdiscontent · 28/05/2021 21:59

That’s not to say OW can’t be complete c#£ts. It’s that really they aren’t the issue. Horrid, yes but ultimately only there because you chose the wrong bloke.
We learn and move on.

AlternativePerspective · 28/05/2021 22:05

If OW is being abused by the man, she can leave him. I doubt there's anything stopping her. must remember to say that to the next person who posts on here that they’re being abused. I’m sure posters will be lining up to agree.

The OP was being abused by this man. She could have just left, no?

No don’t think so.

AlternativePerspective · 28/05/2021 22:07

And to be honest when I see posts from women gloating about domestic abuse or stillbirth or disability I think that it’s not actually that hard to see why their partners cheated on them.

blueshoes · 28/05/2021 22:09

My ExH was a complete piece of work but I would never wish his new partner ill, I even occasionally worry about her- I don’t get, 6 years later, your pent up anger and ill wishes towards this OW.

Aren't you a saint.

theleafandnotthetree · 28/05/2021 22:12

@AlternativePerspective

And to be honest when I see posts from women gloating about domestic abuse or stillbirth or disability I think that it’s not actually that hard to see why their partners cheated on them.

100%

30littletoes · 28/05/2021 22:16

@blueshoes

Aren't you a saint.

Picking that bit out really misses the point of my post - I’ll just leave you to it. At least I’m not a vindictive bitch gleefully clapping my hands at someone’s horrible abusive and unstable relationship.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 28/05/2021 22:17

Unfortunatly it sounds like your ex is living the (abusers) dream. He doesn't want you back hes just using you to bully her. Shes obviously got some major boundary issues that hes exploiting. Its not really a win is it?

RickiTarr · 28/05/2021 22:21

@AlternativePerspective

And to be honest when I see posts from women gloating about domestic abuse or stillbirth or disability I think that it’s not actually that hard to see why their partners cheated on them.

Sorry to say I agree.

Crunchymum · 28/05/2021 22:27

I can completely understand you feeling vindicated as the OW is having a shit time but i'd feel uncomfortable about the way it is happening.

You say in your very first post that OW divulged to your friend how she is compared unfavourably to you... are you now saying she divulged this to the whole hiking group?

IMO, your friend should have told her who she is (IE your friend) from the get go.

GlitterBombing · 28/05/2021 22:29

@LivingDeadGirlUK

I'm not picking up that the OP thinks she's won. Her ex and the OW treated her terribly, the OP is just having a "karma bites" moment as it doesn't sound as though the OW, at least, is happy with the end result of their actions.

QioiioiioQ · 28/05/2021 22:35

Pretty freaky that you now have this window into their relationship and they don't know anything about it!

Ijsbear · 28/05/2021 22:39

@Bluntness100

No vengeance here. Just a bit of a gloat that someone who helped turn my life upside down is unhappy.

Yeah that’s not nice. And says something about you that’s unpleasant.

To be clear, he still chose her over you.

Dear God, you call the walking club mate a bitch?

You might want to look at your own behaviour. Nasty.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 ··· 13 14