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Original poster

The OW is miserable with him

342 replies

BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 18:43

Split with ex about 6 years ago. I found out he had cheated for the 2nd time (2nd time that I knew about, there could have been more). The end of my relationship and his new relationship overlapped by 3 months. He is still with the OW.

3 months later I met my lovely DP, kind of recycled as we went out with each other at school. We are still together.

Friend met OW through a hobby. Friend assumed OW knew who she was but was just keeping quiet for the sake of peace in the group. However, it appears that OW hasn't clicked that her new hobby friend is a long standing friend of mine. OW has been confiding in friend - her partner / my ex cheats. He also compares her unfavourably to me all the time. Her appearance, career, cooking (and I'm a shit cook), everything. He also tells her that he could get back with me if he wanted to 😂😂😂. No chance of that, he's a dick.

Normally I'd feel sorry for a woman in this situation. But I see her as equally responsible as him for what happened - my life was suddenly turned upside down, I had to move house, was suddenly single, went on a holiday booked for me and ex by myself. It worked out well for me in the end but initially it was turmoil. I feel her actions caused her own misery.

Just wanted to vent 😃.

OP posts:
cocoloco987 · 29/05/2021 07:44

personally my vengeance would be directed at my ex. he's the shit - not her. i would fuck him over - shes got nowt to do with it

Funny though that when anyone ever posts from the position of being the OW (or indeed the OM) they have their arse handed to them yet on this post suddenly the OW is blameless. OP I definitely don't blame you for feeling a little smug!

BorderlineHappy · 29/05/2021 08:07

@BadgerHair was your ex emotionally or physically abusive to you.

Original poster
BadgerHair · 29/05/2021 08:44

[quote BorderlineHappy]@BadgerHair was your ex emotionally or physically abusive to you.[/quote]
He wasn't physically abusive. He cheated at least twice - don't know if you class that as emotional abuse, given all the lying and manipulation that goes with the cheating. I think he's insecure and acts out due to that, he likes to think that he is better than everyone else - so he points it out when he is better at something, faster than someone etc.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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Relationship problems
AlternativePerspective · 29/05/2021 08:58

I’d enjoy a moment of schadenfreude over someone who pinched a parking space from me ten years ago. and how far would you take that?

Someone steals your parking space and they get a ticket perhaps, yep, can see that.

But someone steals your parking space and is hit by another car as they get out, leaving them with serious injuries, would you be thinking what goes around comes around?

There are degrees of thinking that someone got what they deserved. Thinking well “he cheated with her so she can’t really be surprised that he cheated with her,” is one thing and is understandable.

Thinking that a woman who was the OW deserved to suffer a stillbirth or to have children with severe disabilities or deserves to be in an abusive relationship now is a whole other level of thinking, and says a lot more about the person thinking it than the person they’re thinking about.

DeadButDelicious · 29/05/2021 09:16

I don't think your friend is doing anything necessarily wrong relaying the information back to you, unless the OW has specifically said that it is told in confidence. I have definitely met people who are very keen to share their woes with people they barely know, I can very much believe that this woman is using the group to unload her troubles.

It is unfortunate for the OW that one of her 'confidants' is friends with you but I don't see what good will be achieved by your friend outing herself as your mate, other than embarrassing the OW and possibly making her leave the group. Best to just keep quiet and not let it become anymore of a thing than it already is.

As for feeling a bit smug that two people who hurt you and disrupted your life for a time aren't living loves young dream, I think that's pretty normal too. I don't see why you're getting such a hard time. Given the roastings that OW tend to get on here, you'd think it would be quite the opposite.

I'd draw a line under it now, the past is a nice place to visit but you wouldn't want to live there.

Sideorderofchips · 29/05/2021 09:18

Karma got her

sammylady37 · 29/05/2021 09:38

Despite op’s repeated protestations that she doesn’t think about her ex much and that it only caused her “short term turmoil”, she’s posting here 6 years after the relationship ended to gloat about how the ow isn’t happy and how she herself is so happy now. Clearly not so happy that she only gives the ex and op a fleeting thought before continuing with her wonderful life, instead she’s preoccupied enough to not only discuss it at length with a friend but post online looking for back-slapping and affirmation. I’m not sure she’s won as much as she thinks she has.

sammylady37 · 29/05/2021 09:38

@sammylady37

Despite op’s repeated protestations that she doesn’t think about her ex much and that it only caused her “short term turmoil”, she’s posting here 6 years after the relationship ended to gloat about how the ow isn’t happy and how she herself is so happy now. Clearly not so happy that she only gives the ex and op a fleeting thought before continuing with her wonderful life, instead she’s preoccupied enough to not only discuss it at length with a friend but post online looking for back-slapping and affirmation. I’m not sure she’s won as much as she thinks she has.
^ ex and OW, that should have been
Jubilate · 29/05/2021 09:39

I wouldn't trust that mutual friend. If she's sleekit enough to play along to the OW, she's not above telling you lies. Sometimes people enjoy seeing their friends on their uppers. And what better way to recreate that, than to build you up before knocking you down. Be wary.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 29/05/2021 09:44

Wow you're friend is a complete snake 🐍🐍

I get your enjoyment, but the fact your friend hasn't told her she knows you speaks mountains about her loyalty, to anyone.

InThoseDiscussions · 29/05/2021 09:44

Don't you just love the virtue signallers (and grammar police 🙄) on this thread? Oh to be as perfect (not) but most of us are human.

Have a fabulous life with your DP Op - turns out Ex and OW did you a favour Flowers

PegasusReturns · 29/05/2021 10:02

@AlternativePerspective FFS!

Yes enjoying a “moment of schadenfreude” definitely translates as wishing someone serious injury Hmm

This thread is nuts Grin and so typically MN in the race to slap the OP down.

AlternativePerspective · 29/05/2021 11:24

@ PegasusReturns in some cases it clearly does though.

As I said in a PP, there was a thread where a woman was gleeful at the fact her ex and OW went on to have a stillbirth, and another where a woman was glad her DH ended up with severely disabled children.

Here there are people glad that the OW is in an emotionally abusive relationship.

But yeah, that’s all totally justified, because the OW was a part of the reason the marriage broke down. Wishing a stillbirth on someone is far worse than being part of an affair. In fact there isn’t even a comparison as to what kind of awful person would wish that on another human being. In the case of that particular poster i would say her DH was well rid.

theThreeofWeevils · 29/05/2021 12:08

Wishing a stillbirth on someone is far worse than being part of an affair
Hardly: the first is a private thought that will have no effect, but the second involve an act, which does.

Gingerwhinger01 · 29/05/2021 12:21

Here there are people glad that the OW is in an emotionally abusive relationship.
No. People that can relate to the ops position and see that the ow is now getting a bit of payback for the emotional abuse that was undeservedly inflicted upon them. Cheating is emotional abuse.
See nothing wrong with the op feeling pleased hearing how good wins out over twatty, underhanded behaviour. After all, don’t we all love a tale of good triumphing over evil, or do you cry for the baddies when they get their comeuppance too ?
Ow is now learning a valuable lesson about getting involved with a cheat. Hopefully she’ll take the lesson, dump him and find a decent human being to form a relationship with.

Blossomtoes · 29/05/2021 12:22

@Gingerwhinger01

Here there are people glad that the OW is in an emotionally abusive relationship. No. People that can relate to the ops position and see that the ow is now getting a bit of payback for the emotional abuse that was undeservedly inflicted upon them. Cheating is emotional abuse. See nothing wrong with the op feeling pleased hearing how good wins out over twatty, underhanded behaviour. After all, don’t we all love a tale of good triumphing over evil, or do you cry for the baddies when they get their comeuppance too ? Ow is now learning a valuable lesson about getting involved with a cheat. Hopefully she’ll take the lesson, dump him and find a decent human being to form a relationship with.
This. 💯 times this.
chaosrabbitland · 29/05/2021 12:24

@BadgerHair

I'm not doing anything to her.

She chose him, knowing he was in a long term relationship with someone else, and went for it anyway. She got what she wanted - a relationship with him.

yes and now shes paying the price , this just sounds like karma to me , sadly its a lesson learned for her , i expect your ex spent plenty of time moaning about you to her and now hes up to his old tricks except reversing it around now , i should think if she finds herself getting cheated on then that one would hope would make her reflect a bit on the error of knowingly getting involved with a taken man , i guess the old adge of be careful what you wish for really does apply to her . i think a lot of women assume that the man who cheated on his partner or wife for them will never do that to them , they will be the exception , when of course that is rarely true , if shes got any sense at all she will leave him
Sakura7 · 29/05/2021 12:32

@AlternativePerspective

What on earth are you on about? Why are you overly exaggerating this and making wild assumptions?

Nothing the OP has said suggests that she wishes injury or harm to be OW, for crying out loud. But she's entitled to think "what goes around comes around" when she hears that their relationship is not all sunshine and roses.

Some of the responses here are just bonkers. They seem to be in the minority though.

sunglassesonthetable · 29/05/2021 14:23

Despite op’s repeated protestations that she doesn’t think about her ex much and that it only caused her “short term turmoil”, she’s posting here 6 years after the relationship ended to gloat about how the ow isn’t happy and how she herself is so happy now. Clearly not so happy that she only gives the ex and op a fleeting thought before continuing with her wonderful life, instead she’s preoccupied enough to not only discuss it at length with a friend but post online looking for back-slapping and affirmation. I’m not sure she’s won as much as she thinks she has.

Six years is NOTHING if you've been hurt actually. OP didn't create this situation. Hmm

It's a WILD coincidence! And like you'd be so blasé and wouldn't think about it?!! Pull the other one Sammy ??!! You're the one with quite the "wonderful life" ( as you sarcastically put it, ) that this wouldn't make you stop in your tracks? And make you have a good old mull and what passes for that these days, which is chat with internet people. Yeah right.

Revenge is living a happy life. And hopefully you're doing that OP.

Your ex sounds a cunt OP. The OW was playing with fire and she got burnt. Big time.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 29/05/2021 14:26

I'm afraid I have no sympathy for either of them. people who steal other peoples wives/husbands are not worthy of my consideration.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 29/05/2021 14:27

I would also be gloating even if it was 20 years later - I hold grudges for a long time.

sunglassesonthetable · 29/05/2021 14:29

As for your friend? If my friend wasn't straight away on the phone telling me about this crazy thing that has happened at her hiking group I would want to know why.

My friends loyalties are to me. Not to some prissy idea of womanhood where you wouldn't share something like that because of ' correctness' or it being "school girlish".

sunglassesonthetable · 29/05/2021 14:59

I would also be gloating even if it was 20 years later - I hold grudges for a long time.

😂😂 know the feeling

Lachimolala · 29/05/2021 16:00

There’s a bit of a difference between feeling smug about OW being cheated on like OP was and the OW being abused like. That not virtue signalling nor makes anyone an OW themselves (wtf?) it’s surely normal to feel concern, sympathy or similar for a woman being abused.

I don’t understand how that’s a crazy out there concept for people?

TableFlowerss · 29/05/2021 16:37

@cocoloco987

personally my vengeance would be directed at my ex. he's the shit - not her. i would fuck him over - shes got nowt to do with it

Funny though that when anyone ever posts from the position of being the OW (or indeed the OM) they have their arse handed to them yet on this post suddenly the OW is blameless. OP I definitely don't blame you for feeling a little smug!

This this this!