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Original poster

I think my Husband is dying

816 replies

DollyParsnip · 25/05/2021 19:11

Hi

DH had a planned surgery on Thursday which went wrong; he had a catastrophic bleed which lead to his chest being opened and a long time to stabilise. He's on full life support but they are very, very concerned that he has few signs of brain activity.

He's in a good hospital with an amazing team around him, we didn't expect him to last over Thursday night and they've kept him going but I am slowly realising that I think he's gone.

Fuck. What do I do without him? We have an 11 yo DD who is awesome and friends but I feel so alone. So much panic.

Sorry for unloading, just feels incredibly surreal.

Message from MNHQ - Please read the OP's updates before posting on the thread. Thank you.

OP posts:
ButchersPleasure · 02/06/2021 23:17

Sorry for your loss. Sending love to you and your DD.

lobster12 · 02/06/2021 23:32

So very sorry for your loss op. You sound like a lovely person and a wonderful mother. Sending love to you and your dd Thanks

Itsokay2020 · 03/06/2021 13:16

I am so desperately sorry for your loss, Dolly Flowers am sending much strength to you and your DD, I just cannot imagine what you are going through

DontJumpInTheFountain · 03/06/2021 13:22

I have no idea how you are coping but you sound like a very strong lady (as does your DD). I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you, and wishing you strength for the days to come Flowers x

purpleboy · 04/06/2021 08:58

So very sorry for your loss. Thanks

CambsAlways · 04/06/2021 10:36

So sorry to hear this,, sending love and strength to you and your daughter

Original poster
DollyParsnip · 08/06/2021 12:04

Good morning

Ugh. The reality is starting to bite today, like a dental anaesthetic wearing off when you realise just how numb you were before.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything today. People are being lovely but they are constantly around me which sounds so ungrateful, but I don't feel I've really had chance to process anything properly. Still no certificates, so I can't really move on with the admin but then not sure I want to rush to make it "official".

I just want to hide today.

DD is ok, very clingy and I think she's hiding her feelings so as to avoid upsetting me - her School have been so good, I'm hoping they'll give her a safe space to vent without the worry of upsetting me.

I miss my DH so much.

OP posts:
lachy · 08/06/2021 12:32

Sending love and virtual hugs. I can't imagine what you are going through Flowers

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 08/06/2021 12:43

you poor love

it's not ungrateful to want your space. so let them know, they will understand you need some time and space to breathe.

the anaesthetic wearing off is a good analogy. I was numb (and preoccupied) when my dad died as I was 7m pg after a previous MC. obv different from loosing your DH as he lived in a different country, but it didn't hit me that he was gone until after DS5 was born and I realised they'd never meet.

you definitely need time to process, to just be. sending so much love to you and your DD.

BetterThanKleenex · 08/06/2021 12:52

You can absolutely let the people around you know you need space. Even if you just gently say you'd like to try being by yourself for a bit to see how you go. There are no rules to grieving, just let it happen and do what feels right and best. You might consider encouraging your DD to write a note to you, it may be easier for you both to communicate that way if talking is difficult right now.

Thinking of you and your DD x

Starface · 08/06/2021 17:26

Hello. Just another virtual hug from me, another voice giving you permission to ask for what you need, including space.

And saying gently that numbness is your way of protecting yourself. Your mind allows you to feel what you can bear. Process what you can. You will have ups and downs, days that are better and worse, two steps forward and one back. These are early early days.

May you make like kintsugi, and heal your shattered lives into pieces bonded with gold. Something different; but one day, with work, with patience, with love, eventually something beautiful again. Different but beautiful.

Limetta · 08/06/2021 19:26

Please ask for what you need - there is no right way to do this. I have found the Cruse chat line helpful - I didn't want to talk to anyone in person.

thequeenoftarts · 08/06/2021 22:50

If you were married surely you are the only one who can investigate your husbands death, You are his next of kin and his parents cant actually start any kind of proceedings into his death. I am very sorry tho, its a fuck up of a different kind to lose your husband like this

peachgreen · 08/06/2021 23:27

There is plenty of time to do the death admin Dolly, don't feel you have to rush into anything. Unfortunately it's a long old job and it's no easier doing it sooner, so just hold on until you feel you can handle it. The numbness will come and go. I'm nearly 8 months in and I still feel pretty numb a lot of the time. But that's okay. It helps you to function. Unfortunately grief is a long term thing and you have to just let yourself feel what you feel when you feel it and not beat yourself up about anything. Make allowances for yourself. You're going through the worst thing a person can go through, pretty much. But it does get easier to carry, I promise.

Abhannmor · 06/07/2021 10:46

You came into my mind recently. I hope things are a bit better. X Flowers

stuckinarut21 · 24/12/2021 00:35

@DollyParsnip thinking of you and remembering your DH , may he rest in peace Thanks

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