Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I think my Husband is dying

816 replies

DollyParsnip · 25/05/2021 19:11

Hi

DH had a planned surgery on Thursday which went wrong; he had a catastrophic bleed which lead to his chest being opened and a long time to stabilise. He's on full life support but they are very, very concerned that he has few signs of brain activity.

He's in a good hospital with an amazing team around him, we didn't expect him to last over Thursday night and they've kept him going but I am slowly realising that I think he's gone.

Fuck. What do I do without him? We have an 11 yo DD who is awesome and friends but I feel so alone. So much panic.

Sorry for unloading, just feels incredibly surreal.

Message from MNHQ - Please read the OP's updates before posting on the thread. Thank you.

OP posts:
Fyngal123 · 30/05/2021 20:32

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your DD as you face this very sad time x

onlymyselftoanswerto1 · 30/05/2021 21:35

Oh @DollyParsnip I am so very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your daughter and wishing you strength in the days ahead ThanksThanks

AnneShirleysNewDress · 30/05/2021 23:29

So sorry for your loss. Sending strength to you and your daughter Thanks

DareIask · 30/05/2021 23:37

So sorry to read your updates. X

Lighttunnelahead · 30/05/2021 23:57

So sorry for your loss - you sound like an amazing Mum. xx

TableFlowerss · 31/05/2021 00:05

So sorry to read your sad update. Look after each other xxx

PuggyMum · 31/05/2021 13:26

I'm so sorry for your loss Dolly.

I came back to this thread a few times praying for a good outcome. This is so sad and my thoughts are with you and your daughter.

InTheGreatGreenRoom · 31/05/2021 16:00

I'm so sorry to hear about your DH Dolly Flowers hope you're ok and that you and your DD find a way through the loss together. Wishing you all the happiness for the future xx

laurac28 · 31/05/2021 16:26

so sorry for your loss

me4real · 31/05/2021 18:37

So sorry for your loss @DollyParsnip Sad x

Original poster
DollyParsnip · 31/05/2021 19:11

This weekend has been quite nice, it's helped the news to sink in a bit and DD has had her friends around her which has made a big difference. Think the panicky stuff will start Tomorrow, I have to call the Hospital and their Bereavement Centre to start the ball rolling on making everything official which I am dreading.

Keep getting little flashes of memories from our life together and feel like the cosy family bubble has been suddenly switched off and there's just grey uncertainty ahead. We will get through it, but our lives will be so different.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 31/05/2021 19:35

It will, but you sound like a strong woman. I’m glad you’ve got the bereavement centre for help. One thing about Covid times, it’s actually a little easier to register everything because you don’t have to physically go into register it (my MIL died last week).

sammyjoanne · 31/05/2021 19:43

So sorry for your loss Dolly. You will get through this. You and your daughter will be a rock for each other im sure xx love to you both x

altiara · 31/05/2021 19:57

Sorry for your loss Dolly. Wishing you and your daughter all the best. Flowers

NeedWineNow · 31/05/2021 20:47

@DollyParsnip I am so very sorry to read your update and for your loss. Sending you and your DD and family love and strength. We are all here for you, whenever you need us Flowers

CornishTiger · 01/06/2021 08:17

@DollyParsnip I very recently have also been bereaved through similar circumstances. It seems unreal and the shock is starting to subside and grief setting in.

Yes you have the practical side to keep you busy but it also makes it so real.

There will be a post mortem and it’s likely that the coroner will ask for that to be independent. Also an inquest. End of this week you may be able to get death certificate.

Have you chosen a funeral director yet? If not make contact with one as they can really guide you.

Check back in if you need support regarding the practical side.

JewelGarden · 01/06/2021 08:22

So sorry for your loss OP Thanks if you're ever feeling lonely, we'll be here to chat. Hope DD is holding up ok.

Youngatheart00 · 01/06/2021 10:04

I hope you’re getting on ok with the formalities. I’ve always found that part so cruel and draining (from limited own experience and that of loved ones). So much admin and sorting to do when you really don’t feel up to it. Don’t be afraid in asking for help. And make sure you are eating and looking after yourself. So easily neglected at tough times like this.

As others have said, you will always have friendly company on MN which you can dip in and out of as you please. Once this thread is full, why not start another so you can keep that going (if you think it would help)

Sending so many best wishes to you and your DD.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 01/06/2021 20:27

I've been popping on to your thread to see how your DH was doing. I'm so terribly sorry to hear your update, I can only imagine how painful it was to tell your DD, but it sounds like she (and you I hope) has a good support network around her.

💐

Laburnam · 02/06/2021 12:49

I have just seen your update I am so so v sorry that it turned out this way, a terrible tragedy. Sending love and good wishes for these days ahead, you sound like an incredible, strong woman. 💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

Original poster
DollyParsnip · 02/06/2021 18:25

Thank you all again for your support, sending love and thoughts to those of you who have found yourselves in this or similar situations.

Slowly coming to reality - my DH's file is now with the Coroner so I think we might start moving towards some arrangements. Found out today that my P-i-L are thinking about engaging a solicitor to review my DH's case which has sent me off spinning again. I know they're angry ( SO angry) but I don't know how I feel about this, their anger is getting them through but I'm still a bit too numb to process this.

DD is doing well, better than I expected. Hope we don't crash at the same time Blush.

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 02/06/2021 19:02

@DollyParsnip it’s a difficult one to decide. I can imagine your FIL is seeking to make sure you are compensated financially to help make practical things easier in future and that is indeed wise to consider. It was a factor in my initial shock when similar happened. I wanted to try and think practical.

However you are deep in grief when you can’t think ahead like that- you just want him back and not to be in this position. Solicitors aren’t a decision for now - just as long as the post mortem is independent.

Hopefully the post mortem can give you an indication of why this happened.

ArabellaScott · 02/06/2021 19:02

Have you got support from people other than your in-laws, Dolly? It's so hard for everyone right at the centre of it, you also need people around you who aren't quite as deeply in grief, if that makes sense.

Sending love to all of you.

savanahnana · 02/06/2021 21:01

I’m so sorry for your loss OP, I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are experiencing right now. X

IslandLulu · 02/06/2021 22:58

Thinking of you, Dolly BrewThanks