I think my Husband is dying

[DollyParsnip]

Hi

DH had a planned surgery on Thursday which went wrong; he had a catastrophic bleed which lead to his chest being opened and a long time to stabilise. He's on full life support but they are very, very concerned that he has few signs of brain activity.

He's in a good hospital with an amazing team around him, we didn't expect him to last over Thursday night and they've kept him going but I am slowly realising that I think he's gone.

Fuck. What do I do without him? We have an 11 yo DD who is awesome and friends but I feel so alone. So much panic.

Sorry for unloading, just feels incredibly surreal.

Message from MNHQ - Please read the OP's updates before posting on the thread. Thank you.

Hope he pulls through!! How old is he what surgery did he have xx

I have everything crossed he recovers OP. Look after yourself

Oh, @DollyParsnip, what an awful situation to be in. It is really hard when someone goes in to hospital for something small or routine and then this happens. It happened to us with my DM and my sisters and I were in complete shock - because you are really not expecting bad news.

Just know that we are all here thinking of you and your DH and your DD. Whatever happens you will get through it. Try to narrow your focus, think only of this minute, breathe, concentrate on the chair you are sitting on, breathe again - try to come back to this practice a few times per day, just to help calm your heart rate down, and to try to reduce the sense of overwhelm.

think of you all

Thinking of you, this must be very hard. I hope your daughter is able to visit if that is something she would at all like to do. I think later on it's something that can be important when she and you look back on this. (Although not if she really doesn't want to.)

Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Second by second if you have to. Scream, cry, throw things. MAKE a time to to that without terrifying your children. Don't be afraid to tell him how badly he is pissing you off, leaving like this, but that you know he doesn't really want to.

Find a support group if you can. Those going through this know.

My heart with yours.

Thinking of you OP, and sending positive vibes xx

Hope he pulls through and hope that your dd gets some fun in her day today @DollyParsnip

Thinking of you and praying for you.
Four weeks ago I had similar experience, I have had a glimpse of what you are going through.
It was me needed the operation, should have been simple. Complications developed. Nearly did not survive.
But I am home and getting stronger now.
The post operative care is usually extremely good. Have faith in everyone around.
Hospital, Friends, Family and especially children. Mostly have faith in yourself to cope.

Thinking of you x

I'm so sorry this has happened. I'm sending love and support. Something similar happened to my mother. I second what PPs have said about the chaplaincy being a possible source of support, and about taking it an hour at a time. Everything - absolutely everything - you are feeling is understandable.

Thinking of you. I hope he makes a good recovery xx

So sorry to read your thread. I am prayerfully thinking of you, during this dreadfully worrying time, for peace and strength for you and your family and for a miracle for your husband. It sounds like he is in good hands with the hospital Team, I hope that is reassuring for you all. It must be such a confusing time but people you have never met are here thinking about you and hopefully that will help you feel a little less alone.

Keep talking to him Polly.

My husband heard me - even when it seemed he was deeply unconscious in ICU after a serious head injury and a brain bleed. I talked about home things - happy memories. The dreams/hallucinations he remembers from parts of that time were all about trying to get home.

Still rooting for you!

Dolly!

I truly hope things take a turn for the better.
I am so sorry to hear this.
Try and give yourself rest. You can only control what you do right now. Love

Gosh what an awful situation

my heart goes out to you, thinking of you.

Thinking of you all at this incredibly difficult time My heart breaks for how hard this is for you, do come back and talk to us, scream at us, cry about how shit this is. We are here for you to lean on at a time when you don't need others grief mongering and making this about themselves.

Just to echo others, do keep talking to him. It's amazing what the brain processes when we are "unconscious" and it's something that as a nurse, is so ingrained in me to do now. I've had many a patient who has told me that they dreamt of the things their loved ones had told them, or remember brief flickers of my incessant wittering.

oh no this sounds terrible and so difficult so sorry for you, I really hope you can get support to help you

oh @DollyParsnip that is so dreadful, I feel so bad for you and I can't imagine what you must be going through. Sending all the good wishes possible that he pulls through and will keep you and your dd in my thoughts x

I will light a candle of hope for him tonight too and you can know that I am not in the UK but will be sending positive thoughts your way even from another country

candle of hope.

been thinking about you all, really hope there's improvement. x

I'm so so sorry to read this. Thank you for taking the time to write here. I hope the response from others have helped you even just a tad.

I hope you are ok today. Please take care of yourself and know there are lots who are thinking of you and your very sad situation. xxxx

I know what you are going through. Just sending love xx