Just had a good cry - those who have it all

[ROZ12]

Hi all

I’m a single mum usually happy person but today my daughter who is 18 got her first job rejection and I just broke down. I never cry and happy as I am And grateful for what I have. It’s just when I hear about my friends who have it all-amazing Hubbie , kids , house , great job etc etc ( which I usually push to the back of my head) and something doesn’t go right for me - for instance my daughter not doing well at school or today’s bad news - I seem breakdown. I’m usually a strong person, escaped an abusive relationship, got a good job I’m happy in and bought my own place - have a great family and few friends. Just annoyed at myself for breaking down today, I guess I just wish I had it all too.

Anyone relate ? Ever think why am I not like them with their amazing lives ?

Even the people who 'have it all' have shit days and shit parts of their lives.

Your post has made me sad. You sound like you have done so well in your life and you are a lovely mum. Escaping an abusive relationship is massive. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You never know how people are feeling on the inside. I bet some people look in on your life and feel the same as you do, as you say, you’ve lots of good things to be proud of.

I always take that sort of thing with s pinch of salt as no one ever boasts about the things that aren't amazing so they? You already sound like you have been and are doing an amazing job at life and have raised a young adult who is ready to start out in life, you are doing amazing so try not to be so hard on yourself :)

Everyone thinks this sometimes, you'd be weird if you didn't.

Sounds like you are in the midst of living a good life. Your daughter's generation is having a tough time, but she has you as an example and she'll move forward and build resilience

Also there is nothing wrong with a job rejection, they can help hone the skill of the interview and that is always a positive to take away from them!

@Sarahsteedman

I realise that everyone has rubbish days and only boast about the good but what these friends have is evident, as I’ve been to their houses, seen their kids doing well at the top grammar schools and their wealth /partners . They don’t talk about it it’s visual .

It is perfectly normal to feel like this. Unfortunately rejection is part of life (anyone who has the same career as me, knows this well). Your daughter will be fine, as it looks like she has a extremely caring mother

Don’t get me wrong love my daughter to bits just academically amazing as all my friends kids, I’ve not heard one child get under A’s but mine . I just feel like I’ve failed her somehow. Sorry all appreciate all the lovely comments just feeling down .

🤗 Just wanted to send you a hug @ROZ12, sorry you feel sad. From my experience, the jobs I didn't get would not have been right for me. It can be tough getting your first job but she is young and will get there. I hope you have a good night's sleep

@Pudmyboy

Thank you hug back to you .

I don’t think it’s so much her not getting the job moreso the thought of how my friends luck just grows just heard one of them landed a 70k job, her dd got into grammar school and moving to even bigger house and all we get is bad news.

Oh, op .

Nobody's life is perfect. Even if it seems to be for a time, it can all turn on a sixpence. Your dd's time will come.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Just seems that way now I suppose.

What was her job for OP? What does she love to do? I know it's hard. One of my DDs is incredibly bright but probably on the spectrum so she struggles with routines. The other has various learning issues. She's bright as hell....articulate etc. I have had to be quite a pushy parent to ensure my older DD got a part time job...I pushed and shoved and networked until I helped her out.

If you tell me what your DD is good at or loves doing, I'll give you some advice about helping her get her adult life started. x

@FortunesFave

Hi glad to hear your dds are intelligent, that’s my point mine is pretty average . She applied for a summer intern position in the civil service , I helped her with her app made it perfect. She has mental health issues and this was a no interview job - sounded perfect for her. I’ve pushed her through the years and even put her in private school as she was so lazy to study.

@FortunesFave

She loves to do nothing but Go on her phone and watch you tube . This is my point , what have I done and others kids just seem to shine. IS it because I don’t have a perfect Hubbie , money and house like others ? I have so much to solve and everyone seems to be like the Walton’s!

[quote ROZ12]@FortunesFave

Hi glad to hear your dds are intelligent, that’s my point mine is pretty average . She applied for a summer intern position in the civil service , I helped her with her app made it perfect. She has mental health issues and this was a no interview job - sounded perfect for her. I’ve pushed her through the years and even put her in private school as she was so lazy to study.[/quote]
There will have been stiff competition, there's no shame in getting pipped at the post.
What are her plans for September?

Taking a gap year to work on mental health issues .

Ah, right. There'll be other opportunities. Loads of them.

It’s hard out there now.

Yes. Yes, it is...

I knew a family that very much seemed to have it all, huge property , fancy cars , holidays , all the designer gear and medical stuff you could imagine. In truth , they were the most fucked up and dysfunctional family I’ve ever met. I was deeply fond of these people and knew them very very well. I can tell you their privately educated kids were selling drugs from their mansion, the nan was on every medication imaginable for blood pressure , stress, anxiety and the parents were both bang on the drugs and having affairs. I’ve never said a word to a living soul that knows them, but on the face of it you’d think they were so happy and sorted and they were the most miserable and stressed bunch of people I’ve ever known and the only millionaires. Happiness comes from solid , grounded relationships and successful parenting is giving your child all the support and belief in the world and the resilience to recover when things dont work out. Never be jealous of anyone else, you get an edited version of the story ( infact the more perfect and show off it looks the more fake it probably is) most of us are just stumbling through life , enjoying the highs , surviving the lows and those that are really winning are the ones that appreciate what they have and enjoy it . You can’t win them all. You really can’t . If anyone seems to have it all then they are probably bullshitters.

Thanks for listening I just need to accept my life Is different to my friends and some luck out and some don’t

Wise words, Nats

This is exactly me besides the buying a house and having friends parts. I'm also a single mum who escaped domestic abuse. I breakdown regularly when I see happy families and doting daddies with their little girls.

We're away at a holiday park right now and I've cried multiple times since we arrived as I'm surrounded by happy families with their 2+ kids all playing together whilst the parents have a drink together. Then there's me.... sat playing a game on my phone whilst my little girl tries to find a friend to play with in the park 😢

Sorry to hijack. This just caught an already open wound.

Would I be right in saying that our feelings are the same OP? That you often feel like you're not a 'proper' family? Intense loneliness and envy of married couples with their 2/3 kids - or even just one child - as they have not just a family unit but they have each other.... They're tackling parenting as a team and keep each other company. Then there's us single Mums

@Nats1984

Sounds awful, I think I’m surrounded by lucky ones as I do know them well and do have it all - young kids still so can’t tell if all is great yet. I can see the couples get on thou - I can sense these things .