Just had a good cry - those who have it all

[ROZ12]

Hi all

I’m a single mum usually happy person but today my daughter who is 18 got her first job rejection and I just broke down. I never cry and happy as I am And grateful for what I have. It’s just when I hear about my friends who have it all-amazing Hubbie , kids , house , great job etc etc ( which I usually push to the back of my head) and something doesn’t go right for me - for instance my daughter not doing well at school or today’s bad news - I seem breakdown. I’m usually a strong person, escaped an abusive relationship, got a good job I’m happy in and bought my own place - have a great family and few friends. Just annoyed at myself for breaking down today, I guess I just wish I had it all too.

Anyone relate ? Ever think why am I not like them with their amazing lives ?

@SkodaKodiaq

I’ve found a kindred spirit ! Yes ditto on everything .

[quote ROZ12]@SkodaKodiaq

I’ve found a kindred spirit ! Yes ditto on everything .[/quote]
Feel free to pm me.

I'm sat in our static caravan in the dark, listening to the sea, trying to sort my head out so I can face another day in 'Family Land' again tomorrow! 🎠🏖👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 👩‍👧

Ps, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's job. It definitely wasn't meant to be. Something else even better will turn up and it will all make sense

@SkodaKodiaq

Awh try to have a good time anyways . I’m so lame i avoid summer parties or any get togethers just to avoid seeing my friends with their hubbies and kids. I’ve been invited to wedding next year and already have anxiety I Wil be the only single mum and they don’t have rub on how they are one up on me .

[quote ROZ12]@FortunesFave

Hi glad to hear your dds are intelligent, that’s my point mine is pretty average . She applied for a summer intern position in the civil service , I helped her with her app made it perfect. She has mental health issues and this was a no interview job - sounded perfect for her. I’ve pushed her through the years and even put her in private school as she was so lazy to study.[/quote]
There will have been a lot of competition for the job, she won’t be the only one they turned down, so it’s not personal.

And I hope you don’t mind me saying this, and I know you have said your daughter has MH issues, though quite rightly I don’t know what they are, but she is 18 and technically an adult so she needs to learn to make her own mistakes, you pushing her, telling her the job is perfect for her etc is not helping her to learn to rely on herself and make her own decisions and judgements. it’s great that you encourage her, help her to check her cv etc ( I hope you didn’t write it for her btw) but she needs to stand on her own two feet.

As a single parent you have been a great role model for her, you have shown her that women can be strong and independent, it’s time for her to put that knowledge to work.

Stand back a bit and watch her fly. It might take her a few goes to take off on her own, but she will get there.

Different position but I have just separated after ex attacked our teenage son. I am starting again as a skint single parent in my sixties while my friends are retiring, celebrating long marriages and buying their retirement homes. It’s hard not to be envious sometimes.

@SkodaKodiaq

It’s sad as I used to be an extrovert in my 20s life of party and now I just stay home due to my insecurities. How can one man ruin a life like that .

And btw I was/ am a single parent, I know what it’s like to be so bloody fed up of making every single little decision and wishing there was another adult to share the burdens!!!! But you have to let them begin to live their own lives - and be proud of them for two people when they do!

@viques

No I didn’t write the app and yes I do watch her make her own judgements.

@sandgrown

I feel you , it is hard to envious as I said in my initial post why me !

[quote ROZ12]@viques

No I didn’t write the app and yes I do watch her make her own judgements.[/quote]
Pleased to hear it . Sometimes I think single parents are so used to organising everything we don’t know when to stop .

Yeah I did that the first time round. My daughters father kicked me out when I was four months pregnant because he’d already whacked up with someone else. And you can’t just go out and find a new man because the paradox is that anyone that’s too keen has an ulterior motive and so many picky men would be put off.. there’s a middle ground though and you’ve every chance of finding mr right , every chance of finding a good stepfather for your child, it happens all the time. You just need to keep your eyes open and your mind a bit sharp. Doesn’t mean you can’t find someone to love though and bring it all together later on. I’ve so many problems in my life atm, but I did , eventually find a good man and I never thought I would. He’s snoring like a bush pig next to me now, sometimes his feet smell after a long day and he can’t clean for toffee, and he farts but he’s the very best father and he’s so keen to make me happy . He came into my life at 34, my oldest was one hell of a teenager by then I had my first baby at 16, we’re just about to complete on our first house. He supports me through an arty degree while I wail and moan about my health issues. Now is now. Tomorrow... nobody knows. Keep your head up, be a happy and content mum and you’ll attract the right kind of man. You need to give yourself credit for who you are and what you’re achieving.

To me, you sound like you do have a lot. I would love to have the things that you have mentioned. I have absolutely nothing, no family, no friends, and I am an absolute mess, intent on punishing myself for some reason, thanks to my mental health problems, that have plagued my life since I was 13. I am now in my 50's,
You sound like a lovely caring mum, and you are bound to feel upset about your daughter. She will get there eventually. So many people are applying for jobs at the moment due to the high rates of unemployment caused by Covid.

@Memoriesbringbackyou

Awh big hug to you. That’s the problem with us humans we always see what others have who are better off not those who have less . You are right I have many nice things too and should be grateful . But I did say I am normally happy and grateful for my job, house etc just I get triggers when something bad happens and start to get envious of others better off .

Yes, OP, it’s tough.
We all want what someone else has.
I’m going to be the party-pooper and say this.. your DD will get a job.
Nobody has a perfect marriage or life.
I would wish for a) my first daughter to be alive and b) my second (and only living child) to not be severely disabled.
I’d like to have a job (I’m an unpaid carer), because I’m definitely clever - I have a PhD and years of good work experience behind me.
I’d like to not live in my shitty house trying to get it adapted for my daughter’s needs.
Yeah, it’s sad sometimes to look at rich, “perfect” people.. but we could be living in a dump or a refugee camp.
Sorry to say, I hope you get better responses but I cannot feel too much sympathy, though part of me wants to.

@Blue4YOU

I do feel for you , and did say I should look at people worse off than better and I grateful for what I have. Just was having a bad day .

Isn’t that the whole point of the thread to put me in my place .

No, the point is.. try to get perspective.
I’d swap for what you have.
Don’t sell yourself short

Sure, thanks

Please don't compare yourself to other people and their families and lifestyles. You and your own family are what matters most in life..

@1forAll74

I try to avoid certain people so i don’t compare but it’s hard not to be envious when it’s in my face at an event

@ROZ12
Just read this and wanted to say hope you felt a little easier after your cry. I’ve no real advice just that you sound like a good role model and mum to your daughter.

I hope you have a better day today - allow yourself to feel your sadness but keep looking ahead.
💐

This is in real life, not social media I think OP?

You are doing a brilliant job. Everyone presents their 'best' to others. Well I don't but whatever. Showing off etc. Sign of insecurity.

Everyone has problems. Some don't even know it until their kids say, I hated it.

I know it's hard but. You have got out of a terrible relationship and are getting on with it. You have done an amazing thing for your children.

If your friends are boasting non stop then get different friends tbh.

And jobs are really hard to come by for young people at the mo. This is where you help her keep at it.

Do any of your fancy braggy friends have businesses/ work for companies she could get a job? Their money must come from somewhere.

Anyone going on about how fab their life is, is either

Insecure

Or

Things aren't good.