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Does it make someone a LGBTQ ally if they wear the pride lanyard but object when a transgender person uses their restroom ?

793 replies

thecatmother · 11/05/2021 20:29

In my workplace we are very open and inclusive and many colleagues chose to wear their IDs on the Pride lanyards and are very active participants in all the Pride related events.
So far so peaceful, or so I thought, we had a new colleague joining recently, it is a lady who is transitioning from being born a man. She is very polite and just gets on with her work and day. I wasn't surprised to see her using the Ladies, unfortunately a number of my colleagues have formed an opinion about that. The management has been supporting the new colleague, and they held "conversations " with the complaining parties.
However, those people are still wearing their Pride lanyards, I can't get my head around that. The lanyards are purely on volunteer basis, we have generic ones. I generally wonder whether they actually realise that being an ally is not about getting drunk on Pride , but actually to be supportive to the people of LGBTQ.

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 14/05/2021 18:15

Just catching up.

On the what would you do if you were worried about a girl thing.

Have any of you seen the new Borat film? In one part she's in a cubicle in the gents and it sounds like she's giving birth. (I don't give away the story!). Anyway about 3 men come in, hear it, and then just walk out again.

In the ladies women would ask if ok. Or at very least tell the people at the bar or whatever if didn't want to get involved.

That was really eye opening tbh. I was Shock

thecatmother · 14/05/2021 18:19

@ArcheryAnnie

Nobody minded

Are you a mind reader?

There's a big difference, also, between people accepting a temporary emergency situation that can't be helped, and a long term arrangement that is imposed on them deliberately.

Also I notice you haven't addressed the cognitive dissonance between your "we needn't insult one another" post, and the posts where you did, in fact, insult women who disagreed with you.

Do you know the fun fact of living in a free country with a freedom of speech and posting on an anonymous forum? .... Its the fact the none of us owes anything to anyone. I can get offended, I can call feel insulted too, and yet I don't demand any response from anyone, because it's Internet. So it is what it is , a discussion on an anonymous forum and we all are free to invest as much time, energy and passion as we wish. My only wish to all of those who are affected by any form of abuse is to heal and to seek professional help. And to those who like to stir the pot for the sake of drama, I hope that your real life is healthy and fulfilled.
OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 14/05/2021 18:19

3 men one at a time I mean.

It's possible they edited out men who tried to help of course. But then they'd probably have been in the papers saying it was a stitch up?

If any of you haven't seen it I highly recommended it.

Sacha BC leaves the woman playing his daughter to be the star.

The bits which are eye opening some male female behaviour are

The bit I just wrote
The Christian man in the 'abortion advice' clinic
Rudy guilliamo fucking hell how is he still working after that?
The woman who tries to look after the girl. she had no idea it was for s film. She became quite well known over it. SBC called her after and had a long conversation. He also donated a load of money to her church.

Lumene · 14/05/2021 18:19

Why is wanting single sex spaces incompatible with supporting LGBT people?

Weird post.

AlfonsoTheTerrible · 14/05/2021 18:23

Do you know the fun fact of living in a free country with a freedom of speech and posting on an anonymous forum? .... Its the fact the none of us owes anything to anyone. I can get offended, I can call feel insulted too, and yet I don't demand any response from anyone, because it's Internet. So it is what it is , a discussion on an anonymous forum and we all are free to invest as much time, energy and passion as we wish. My only wish to all of those who are affected by any form of abuse is to heal and to seek professional help. And to those who like to stir the pot for the sake of drama, I hope that your real life is healthy and fulfilled.

That same freedom means that people can make up anything they like as no one can verify it.

Food for thought.

NiceGerbil · 14/05/2021 18:24

On the 80s thing. Tbf in London (where I grew up) it was pretty flamboyant for both sexes. Probably other cities as well.

I have been told that it was not that way at all around the country. Which sounds totally likely.

So again I wouldn't dismiss it.

SunnydaleClassProtector99 · 14/05/2021 18:30

Blessed be op.
May your mooncup never overfloweth and your precious vessel self never be troubled with the poor unfortunate souls who due to religion or trauma might be troubled by your views.

Printed out that sign yet?

RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 14/05/2021 18:32

There's a big difference, also, between people accepting a temporary emergency situation that can't be helped, and a long term arrangement that is imposed on them deliberately

Huge difference....massive difference

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 14/05/2021 18:35

@thecatmother

In a very ironic strike of fate the ladies restrooms flooded this morning. As we were left temporarily sans facilities everyone had to share the 🚹. Nobody minded, Nobody complained everyone just did their business. There is a lot to be said for mixed facilities. Peace and joy to all, enjoy your weekend.
Wow that really is ironic.

Unbelievable even...

AfternoonToffee · 14/05/2021 18:36

@thecatmother

In a very ironic strike of fate the ladies restrooms flooded this morning. As we were left temporarily sans facilities everyone had to share the 🚹. Nobody minded, Nobody complained everyone just did their business. There is a lot to be said for mixed facilities. Peace and joy to all, enjoy your weekend.
Was it just a free for all though? Or a one in one out type of thing? I am currently working at home, but when we were in the office there was a strict two at a time only in the toilets, so a temporary sharing of toilets wouldn't be a huge issue.
RedDogsBeg · 14/05/2021 18:37

My only wish to all of those who are affected by any form of abuse is to heal and to seek professional help.

Could you be any more sneering, nasty, dismissive and patronising @thecatmother?

Your kindness only extends to men who feel like women, what a star you are.

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 14/05/2021 18:41

My only wish to all of those who are affected by any form of abuse is to heal and to seek professional help
Yeah yeah, sure it is. I've had professional help. The therapist agrees that unexpectedly sharing a space with a male will trigger my PTSD.

ScreamingBeans · 14/05/2021 18:49

Your colleagues have a legal right to sex segregated toilets. They don't want men in their loos.

Get over it.

NiceGerbil · 14/05/2021 18:50

Still catching up!

OP this is at work, right?

You surely are aware that people tend to behave a bit better at work because they don't want to lose their jobs? Because there is an HR dept?

In all my years I have never worked somewhere that there's been violence in the gents.

I have worked where men have been sacked for brawling at the Xmas party.

And 1 man sacked for gross misconduct (porn)!

And a group of young men given a final written warning (porn and manipulating porn images to look like it was a specific male manager engaged with various animals).

And one man who went to prison for fraud.

Men do sexually harrass women at work. Both obviously and more subtly. But they don't do what they would do elsewhere because it's their livelihood.

Also most men are nice, fine etc. I mean most have dodgy views deep down but it's a (sadly large) minority who flash etc.

I find it mind boggling that after all you've read about the experiences of women and girls that you say. Yeah it's fine mixed sex is the way to go based on what happened at work. Which based on your posts would be an old school big room with some individual gappy cubicles.

Weren't the men uncomfortable? Most men I know would hate that.

So your solution is maximum discomfort for men and women and boys and girls. And maximum opportunity for weird creepy bastards.

Do you really think you will have won anyone round with your posts?

Especially when the last one is a basic fuck you to all the women who have shared their experiences and their reasons.

I assume you were here to do rather than win any lurkers around.

ScreamingBeans · 14/05/2021 18:50

My only wish to all of those who are affected by any form of abuse is to heal and to seek professional help

Yes Aunt Lydia

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 14/05/2021 18:57

My only wish to all of those who are affected by any form of abuse is to heal and to seek professional help.

Gosh. Why didn't I think of that. Confused

In the mean time can I please have single sex spaces until I'm healed. Actually can we then keep them anyway for the women who haven't healed.

I would have been able to use the mens toilets temporarily btw. Because I would know there might be a man in there. Not quite the same as finding one in what I thought was a female space.

Erikrie · 14/05/2021 18:58

And to those who like to stir the pot for the sake of drama, I hope that your real life is healthy and fulfilled.

Speak for yourself. I do wonder about the lives of sneering people who frequent forums to mock and dismiss the experiences of women. They must be pretty sad ☹️ You should get out in the real world more. Make some friends. Do something meaningful with your life. Do better. ☺️

stonecat · 14/05/2021 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IhateBoswell · 14/05/2021 19:00

Aunt Lydia

😭😂 Excellent.

Erikrie · 14/05/2021 19:01

Didn't Happen of the Year Award.

🏆

ifIwerenotanandroid · 14/05/2021 19:02

@thecatmother

In a very ironic strike of fate the ladies restrooms flooded this morning. As we were left temporarily sans facilities everyone had to share the 🚹. Nobody minded, Nobody complained everyone just did their business. There is a lot to be said for mixed facilities. Peace and joy to all, enjoy your weekend.
Did everyone in the office stand up & applaud?
NiceGerbil · 14/05/2021 19:02

Just saw that professional help thing.

If every woman and girl in the world sought professional help every time a man was creepy at them then there wouldn't be any jobs other than councellor!

The idea that sex offences are either brushed off OR very serious and the woman/ girl cannot function without help. These are the two ideas that assist men who commit sex offences all across the world.

Laugh it off/ don't make a fuss/ happens all the time/ police aren't interested in low level sex crime /etc etc

And at the other end serious sex offences mean the victim will definitely be broken traumatised and react in a particular way and if that's not you then you're probably lying /juries don't like to convict men of such serious crimes unless they are absolutely sure (rather than beyond all reasonable doubt).

In real life sex offenders escalate and ignoring the 'lesser' stuff lets them work up to the major stuff.

Girls and women react to different things in different ways. Many women will say that something considered minor (just being felt up or yelled at or flashed at) has affected them more than more serious incidents.

And why do we have to be 'broken' to be telling the truth. We're all different. MRAs always say women and girls love feeling like constant victims. And yet when we don't behave as victims are supposed to we are called liars.

But you don't care about any of that do you.

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 14/05/2021 19:02

@thecatmother

In a very ironic strike of fate the ladies restrooms flooded this morning. As we were left temporarily sans facilities everyone had to share the 🚹. Nobody minded, Nobody complained everyone just did their business. There is a lot to be said for mixed facilities. Peace and joy to all, enjoy your weekend.
If no one minded and no one complained then the trans woman can back to using the men's like they presumably did before they transitioned. After all, they didn't mind or complain today. Win win.
GrolliffetheDragon · 14/05/2021 19:03

My only wish to all of those who are affected by any form of abuse is to heal and to seek professional help

Hmm For some reason that feels really insincere.

Anyway I've had professional help. It's not a magic cure, though it did improve things.

NiceGerbil · 14/05/2021 19:05

I've had to use the gents before in various situations and it's been fine.

They have men in them who are supposed to be there and generally don't want women in there.

It's the ones who prefer to get into the ladies we need to worry about.

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