Are you married to an investment banker and have kids?

[Lisbon83]

My husband is an investment banker at ED level and we recently had a baby.

I'm looking for advice from people in my position who get the hours they do and the particular stresses of the work. It's not 9-5 as we know and it's not possible to be 50/50 split on childcare during weekday evenings for example.

How did you manage family life, looking after yourself, baby etc without tearing your marriage apart? Night feeds, childcare, household chores, life admin, weekends, time for ourselves.. how to organise and any tips or ideas?

Pandemic has made it worse and harder to access outside help but hoping this will become easier soon.

Those married to investment bankers have all had insider information about how they had to jump ship to europe after brexit.

As it has panned out it didn't really happen, but true to tradition, MN has focused on the oppression olympics of who is having it worse argument

@littlemissblue
I won't be dismissed from a thread thanks. I don't like your responses and others have pointed out similar objections to your high handedness.

To the OP I'm sorry if I hijacked your thread, you are entitled to ask these questions and I concur with many that the answer would be to outsource as much as you can.

I would however try to keep as much financial independence as possible.
Whilst I refer to my earlier comments on being a single parent, many of us are also reasonably high earners in our own right and it does make life easier in the event of a split.

I have been a single mum and also married to someone who was away 14 hours a day and being the single mum was easier TBH.

I’m the same, I was a single mum until my DS was 8 and then got married and we had DC. I found it difficult, particularly his travelling for work.

Are any jobs 9-5 anymore? I don't know anyone who just works those hours tbh

CorianderBee
Really, I know tons of people who work 9-5. Shop workers, office workers the list goes on.

Well, there's 9-5 and then there's "fly back and forth twice from a two week holiday because something had to be done in person". The latter is quite something if you've not experienced it.

@CorianderBee

Are any jobs 9-5 anymore? I don't know anyone who just works those hours tbh

Really?! I know lots.

I keep misreading the title as ‘Anyone married to an introverted banker and have children?’

@JustSleepAlready

Just reading some of the posts here - why the hell are you having kids if you’re getting a night time nanny, a day care nanny, a crèche, a cleaner, a gardener, an ironing person...? What is the point of having kids if you can’t give them your time? And with all the paid help , what exactly are you doing all day??

I know right, I find some of this so funny. My ex-husband did damn all when the kids were young. He worked fairly long hours but mostly I just was very organised and despite working part time, took care of most things - bar bathing the children and putting them to bed which was actually mostly pleasurable - during the hours between 8 and 6. I had none of these paid services of which people speak. I think I must live in a different world. If I was a single parent of young children on an ordinary wage I'd be murderous reading some of the absolute shite talk on this thread. They genuinely do have to do everything and dont usually have obscene wealth to soften the blow.

@Lisbon83 good luck!
Shame that most threads here degenerate into a competition of who has it hardest

TheLastLotus
That’s what happens when some people think because they earn a huge salary they work harder than others, which is certainly not the case. It’s pure ignorance on their part.

@Lisbon83 you do have space for a night nanny in a one bed. The night nanny will be on the sofa in the living room with the baby in a Moses basket or cot. You and DH will be asleep/watching a movie in bed! You can get the night nanny to arrive as late as you want and leave as early as you want so she is covering just the hours you are asleep. You don't say how old your baby is but a few nights of unbroken sleep might be nice? Do think about it - it really helped me de-zombify a bit and then I had more energy to do things with the baby during the day. Also once you've had the night nanny for a bit you may feel comfortable enough to go out and have a date night! And get a cleaner - even better if they do the ironing too. I know you said you've left the thread but hope you see this because a night nanny might really help a bit! Good luck x

My husband is a senior exec but not investment banking and not the same stratospheric wage. Life would be easy if I was a sahm but I wanted to continue working (my job is demanding but not as well paid). The juggle is the hard thing. I often feel torn, the house is a tip and we can feel a bit burnt out. We had a cleaner but actually while working from home I’m not keen. I found we ended up doing a lot of manic tidying before the cleaner came which put a bit of pressure on. I don’t think outsourcing is always the magic answer to a smooth life. We have managed with nursery rather than a nanny.

I spend a lot of time wondering whether continuing to work is worth it. Long term I think it is but short-term it feels hard. I know however that I am in an incredibly fortunate position to have that dilemma.