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Original poster

Do you stay with your children whilst they go to sleep?

289 replies

TrainTraining · 20/04/2021 19:51

DS is 16 mo. He self settles really well. He cries a little bit going into bed but soon gets into position and goes to sleep and usually sleeps well for about 10/12 hours. I lie on his floor whilst he goes to sleep and then leave once he is. My partner never does bedtime and said if he did he wouldn't be staying in the room with DS he'd say goodnight and leave. He did this with his two older children. I don't like the idea of doing this but I wonder what is more usual, stay with them or leave them to it?

OP posts:
Sallysallys · 21/04/2021 06:10

This thread has blown my mind. I stay with mine and they are considerably older. It’s just what we do. My parents stayed with us so it’s what I thought was the norm.

saxamaphone · 21/04/2021 06:18

We do. Mine are 5 & 2. They both really need the cuddles to calm down and feel safe. It doesn't take too long and I thinks it's important for them to feel secure at bedtime.

Londonnight · 21/04/2021 06:19

I have 4 children [ now all adult ] and I never stayed with any of them. Yes, they cried initially, but very quickly learned to self soothe. I never left them crying for long, if it was obvious they weren't going to settle I went into them, but just to reassure I was still then, then left.

I don't understand this need to stay in a room with your child every night. To me you are making a rod for your own back and you will be doing this for a very long time.

Interested in this thread?

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1 year olds Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
ineedaholidayandwine · 21/04/2021 06:24

Nope never stayed with her, she has a story, cuddles then its light off and we leave

ArtemisBean · 21/04/2021 06:27

@Bearclaw

I’m in awe of all of you who have these magic babies who just lie in bed quietly and go to sleep! Mine runs around and yells for me down the stairs, then cries if I don’t appear. He certainly won’t lie in bed unless I stay there and make him.
Me too! I'd genuinely love to know what everyone who leaves successfully would suggest doing when the 2.5 year old is yelling 'Mummy! Mummy!' from his bed and getting more and more upset. I'd love my evenings back with my husband!
ButtonMoony · 21/04/2021 06:27

Nope. Not in a million years.

All those who do, do you never go out? Babysitters? Sleepovers? What if you have other kids? What age do you stop?

Blows my mind that people do this, but I guess we are all different.

The only time I ever stayed with any of mine was when they were ill. Beyond that they need to learn to be able to sleep wherever they are and whoever is there.

I guess none of you work shifts and have to delegate bedtimes either?

Temp023 · 21/04/2021 06:28

In the old days this sort of behaviour was termed “Making a rod for your own back!”
Why would you even consider that your children would feel unsafe in their own bedrooms?

LunaLula83 · 21/04/2021 06:30

I did when mine was 2. Then dh fucked up the routine and i stay but luckily only for 10 min and I catch up on facebook. I'm single

ButtonMoony · 21/04/2021 06:30

Me too! I'd genuinely love to know what everyone who leaves successfully would suggest doing when the 2.5 year old is yelling 'Mummy! Mummy!' from his bed and getting more and more upset. I'd love my evenings back with my husband!

The time to ask this question was, unfortunately, about 2 years ago before they could run about and shout.

OverTheRainbow88 · 21/04/2021 06:32

We stay with 2.2 year old but not with 4.5 year old

Parkerwhereareyou · 21/04/2021 06:41

Yes I stay for at least the first 6/7 years. Bath. Bed. I read them a story and sing them asleep. It actually takes v little time as they're so conditioned to it that as soon as I start on the story they're falling asleep. If we get to the singing, just a couple of lines and they're gone! ☺️

I always arrange any supper, guests, other plans around this. It is my priority for the evening.

Not everybody's way, but it works v well for me and my children.

ZombeaArthur · 21/04/2021 06:42

We never have and, to be honest, it never even occurred to me to stay while they slept. We always worked towards getting the children to fall asleep alone. I didn’t realise people stayed until some of my NCT friends mentioned sleeping on a mattress on the child’s bedroom floor.

musicalfrog · 21/04/2021 06:46

We stay with our 8 and 5 year olds and take turns each night. We're often busy during the day so making this time for them at bedtime helps us connect. Tried to leave the eldest age 3 but it was so upsetting and we soon realised we were happier to do it. We still have time for a film or whatever afterwards. If we need to get away early for any reason we just explain and it's fine, but if I don't have a good reason then I stay. Why wouldn't I? I love my babies and I will miss this quiet time with them when they're all grown up.

Heatherjayne1972 · 21/04/2021 06:47

No way. They need to learn to go to sleep alone
Always had a bedtime routine bath pyjamas story light off goodnight
Sometimes they’d take a while to settle but for the most part this worked for me

Breastfeedingworries · 21/04/2021 06:56

I left dd from 6 months in her own bed... I’d go in and check she had everything, do a check before I go to bed but that’s if. Few tears when she was very small but she’s well used to it now at 2.5. When she’s tired she asks to go to bed, she has star projector and music playing al night tho. So maybe doesn’t feel alone, also her comfort rabbit.

AzkabanPrison · 21/04/2021 07:08

We sit with DS (3 in august) - we go up we has his bottle and then we just lay on the floor for 15 mins to while he drops off. He doesn't specifically need me or DP he sleeps fine for my parents and self settles throughout the night.

Floweree · 21/04/2021 07:19

No- bath, stories and cuddles then I go, I only go in if he gets upset or isn't seeming to settle. If he's poorly I will take my blanket in and sleep in his room, but thankfully that's rare. I love having evenings, not really arsed if that makes me selfish as everyone is happy. But it's whatever works, I don't see the harm in staying until they sleep.

SimonJT · 21/04/2021 07:23

@ButtonMoony

Nope. Not in a million years.

All those who do, do you never go out? Babysitters? Sleepovers? What if you have other kids? What age do you stop?

Blows my mind that people do this, but I guess we are all different.

The only time I ever stayed with any of mine was when they were ill. Beyond that they need to learn to be able to sleep wherever they are and whoever is there.

I guess none of you work shifts and have to delegate bedtimes either?

I do go out, I cannot use babysitters for my son, so I only go out if my friend can look after him, or if he goes to Grandma, but she lives quite far away so he can just go there for a couple of hours.

Hes too young for sleepovers, but I imagine it will be a very long time before he has one, if ever as a stranger caring for him just won’t be an option for a long time.

When we hopefully have another they’ll have different bedtimes, plus if we do manage to have another they’ll most likely sleep with us for the first few years.

FedNlanders · 21/04/2021 07:24

I do with 4yr old. I dont mind. I read on kindle and treat it as down time.

FedNlanders · 21/04/2021 07:25

Pre lockdown our 4 year old was looked after by family, they just let her sit on sofa with them ready for bed and when she fell asleep we just carried her up when she got home. No issue.

FedNlanders · 21/04/2021 07:25

We got home*

FedNlanders · 21/04/2021 07:26

@musicalfrog

We stay with our 8 and 5 year olds and take turns each night. We're often busy during the day so making this time for them at bedtime helps us connect. Tried to leave the eldest age 3 but it was so upsetting and we soon realised we were happier to do it. We still have time for a film or whatever afterwards. If we need to get away early for any reason we just explain and it's fine, but if I don't have a good reason then I stay. Why wouldn't I? I love my babies and I will miss this quiet time with them when they're all grown up.
I agree. Its actually a lovely part of the day when you don't see it as a chore. I have 2 older teens and I miss this so I dont mind doing it for the younger 2.
Pinchoftums · 21/04/2021 07:29

Not a chance. We have had 4 kids. I would have been doing this for about 14 years if we did kept it up til say they were 4.
We did bath, lots of stories, goodnight song then adult time. I work andwould have no relationship with DH unless we had evenings together and also love going out doing exercise/pub/theatre which this would totally fuck up.

GreenSlide · 21/04/2021 07:29

I stay. Leaving was never something I considered, I've seen friends almost broken by the evening routine of put them into bed, listen to them crying, put them back, hear them messing around, put them back, they call mummmyyy I need a drink, get them a drink, they get up, put them back again and so on. This way it's quick, I get a lie down, he gets a snuggle, we're both happy and I doubt he'll still need it when he's 15 so he will grow out of it at some stage. I'll just enjoy it until then.

Trixie78 · 21/04/2021 07:30

Every child needs different things. Ours we wait till they go to sleep or they'd just get out of bed and play. Sounds like yours might settled without you. Give it a try, it's f it doesn't work you can go back to what you were doing xx