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Original poster

Do you stay with your children whilst they go to sleep?

289 replies

TrainTraining · 20/04/2021 19:51

DS is 16 mo. He self settles really well. He cries a little bit going into bed but soon gets into position and goes to sleep and usually sleeps well for about 10/12 hours. I lie on his floor whilst he goes to sleep and then leave once he is. My partner never does bedtime and said if he did he wouldn't be staying in the room with DS he'd say goodnight and leave. He did this with his two older children. I don't like the idea of doing this but I wonder what is more usual, stay with them or leave them to it?

OP posts:
Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 20/04/2021 23:01

Depends really. Ds is 21 months, sometimes he wants a cuddle, in which case dh or I will sit with him on the snuggle chair in his room either reading or singing to him until he falls asleep, other times he tell us cot, so we just tuck him in and leave, he doesn't like us being in his room if he's in there, no idea he'll just lay there saying mummy/daddy bye bye...

panicpidgeon · 20/04/2021 23:04

Yes - one of us in with two year old and one with the four year old. I see it as a time to pause, relax and listen to a podcast. I’ll carry on until they’re happy to go off alone. Both sleep through the night with no issues.

Ingridla · 20/04/2021 23:06

I always have and still do stay with DS age 5 until he's asleep. He nods off pretty sharpish after stories though so it's a pleasure.

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Starseeking · 20/04/2021 23:07

Not with my DS who is 4 and a half. He's been fine to lie down and go to sleep by himself from about a year.

My DD who is 3 and a half has SEN so if I leave her in bed, she gets up and starts screaming as she has little to no understanding, and will just fall asleep randomly when she is finally exhausted. The longest it ever took was 2 hours, quickest 5 minutes. I have no idea what I'm going to do when baby 3 is born later this year Confused

Heartofglass12345 · 20/04/2021 23:17

We never have, when they were babies they were put in their Moses baskets however they were after their last feed (asleep/ awake/ drowsy) and they always slept fine. Same once they were in their own rooms.

My oldest is now 7 and autistic so needs me to sing him songs before he goes to sleep, it seems to relax him (terrible singing voice mind haha), sometimes he falls asleep sometimes he doesn't but he will settle himself most nights (eventually)

My youngest is 5 and has always gone to sleep on his own no problem.

If you don't mind doing it it's fine, but it's people who do it from when they are born then moan about it when they can't stop and end up in their room for hours every night lol

TheChosenTwo · 20/04/2021 23:20

No, it’s not something we ever wanted to get trapped by!
Sil had always done it and usually ended up falling asleep with her dc as they refused to be left alone at all ever and she’d spend up to 4 hours a night sitting stroking and shushing them, reading more stories, singing more songs, fetching drinks etc as they got older.
She didn’t come out socially for a decade, missed so many family events because of the sleeping sagas.
Each to their own, she weighed It up and made her decisions and her dc love and adore her very much. Her choice. I didn’t want to spend hours in a bedroom, sitting on the floor waiting for them to go to sleep.
From when they were old enough to go in cots in their own room, they were bathed, had stories and songs etc and then put in to their cots. Would return for proper cries but not small grizzles or grumbling. They figured it out, all have slept well since aged 1 with the exception of illness etc.

pipsqueakbollock · 20/04/2021 23:28

I wonder if you work or have a job?
There's no way I could fit the time to do this in my schedule.

Mine were left from 6 weeks - they just learnt to go to sleep when they were tired. Day time. Night time. Any time.
I suppose when they were toddlers they were more needy for their bed at a particular time - less flexible on a late night or change of plan - they just wanted their bed for tiredness. Any bed though, friends, family, pram etc . Just the time was the time.

Now 13 and 10. They have been putting themselves to bed independently since about age 8 - no stories and not even tucking in anymore. More wine time for mummy Grin

BraveBraveMouse · 20/04/2021 23:31

Still stay with her at 23 months. I see it as an investment in her long term mental health and wellbeing.

MrsTophamHat · 20/04/2021 23:33

No. It would make me too sleepy to do anything else with my evening when i've got stuff to do, and I don't think my children would gain any benefit from it either.

Wallywobbles · 20/04/2021 23:35

No. Pottered around upstairs for a bit putting stuff away and sorting stuff for the morning and gradually withdrew.

ParkheadParadise · 20/04/2021 23:36

No

FlyNow · 20/04/2021 23:47

Gosh no, I've got two dc and never stayed with either. In fact since my ds was 18 months (he is now 3), I don't even lay him down in bed. I say goodnight and leave him playing with toys on his floor, then he gets in to bed when he wants.

m0therofdragons · 20/04/2021 23:56

Not every night but I cuddle my 9yo twins in their beds and sometimes they fall asleep while I’m there. Sometimes I fall asleep - last weekend all 3 dc were in dd3’s bed and I piled in for mass cuddles and fell asleep with them by accident. Apparently I was really tired! Very occasionally my 13 yo asks for cuddles in her bed. Best not to get into a habit where it’s essential but I love it - won’t be forever that they’ll want me there.

Bearclaw · 21/04/2021 00:02

I’m in awe of all of you who have these magic babies who just lie in bed quietly and go to sleep! Mine runs around and yells for me down the stairs, then cries if I don’t appear. He certainly won’t lie in bed unless I stay there and make him.

crashbandicoot4 · 21/04/2021 00:08

Look I have teen kids now and there is no chance of 'evening' adult time now as they are often in bed after us.

Who are you staying in the room for exactly?

Mine had music or a talking book to listen to after lights out.

I wish I could Go back to 7pm bedtime for the kids!

LockedFarAway · 21/04/2021 00:19

I'd only stay if they're distressed because I haven't stayed. But if they're fearful then it would rip my heart out to leave them crying. I'd feel like I’ve abandoned not just my instincts but my child.

That's me looking back. At the time I fell into the trap of trying controlled crying, rapid retreat, all sorts of ways to try and make it work, but my kids were needing more than that and I'm glad I eventually listened.

I'd say listen to your instinct and ignore your husband - they're different children.

OldEnoughToBeYourMum · 21/04/2021 00:32

Whatever works for you. You will hear people say you shouldn't but they aren't parenting your child, every child is different. I have a DC who had I had a traumatic birth with and I'm sure was clingy as a result, tried to do the retreat, CIO, etc., but we ultimately decided in the end at around 2 that it's temporary and I know I will miss this precious time in the future. Leaving your DC to settle is also acceptable for you if it works and you're happy with it. If my DC settled, I'd be fine with that too.

DC is now 3 and I'll agree to it for a good few years yet. After a long work day and not seeing my child, we both enjoy that time. DH also does when it's his turn too and will often join us for a story. Usually DC falls asleep listening to the story/audio story/children's bedtime music (there's a good one with classical instrumentals of lullabies) on Spotify and will drift off whilst we cuddle.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 21/04/2021 00:33

No. Dd was about 8 months old and DH was away. I had bf her for bedtime but she was unsettled and cross with me. I felt I needed a few minutes away so I went and sat in the bathroom. I went back and she was fast asleep. Ds would be distracted by anyone with him so again I wouldn't be in the room. He'd chat all night.

Lifeaintalwaysempty · 21/04/2021 01:16

Never done this, they need to learn to be able to sleep on their own in my view, stories, kiss and a cuddle and I’m out and they are asleep in minutes.

Lifeaintalwaysempty · 21/04/2021 01:18

Once they were able to self settle I should add- from around 10 months/a year..

Caterina99 · 21/04/2021 01:54

Definitely not. DS nearly 6 and DD 3.5. Bedtime routine and then into bed, kisses and light off and I’m out of there. I need my me time on an evening.

Over the years there have been odd occasions when I’ve had to lie by their cots or in their beds etc but that’s never been the norm for us as they’ve settled themselves from around 6 months.

20viona · 21/04/2021 02:49

No way. Close the door and leave her to it that's a routine I'd never get myself stuck into.

Pyewackect · 21/04/2021 03:07

I never did. They were fast asleep by the time I came off shift.

florababy84 · 21/04/2021 04:58

I did it until they didn't need it. I just zone out and play on my phone, or put on music for them or an audible story on my phone.

I like it so we still do it with my 7yo. If it didn't work for us then I wouldn't! Do what works and ignore the 'studies'. I am pro science and research but you can find studies to prove both sides on this issue.

Since having my oldest 16 years ago, I've seen so many bunfights online and earnest articles written about how you're destroying your child's confidence and future success if you stay with them and also how you're destroying their confidence and future success if you don't.

Therefore I always advocate doing what keeps most of the people in the house sane and happy, including you.

olderthanyouthink · 21/04/2021 05:55

I've never been able to leave DD day or night, if I went out of sight she got upset very quickly and then straight to vomiting. What else was I supposed to do?

She's nearly 2.5 and either boobed and lay with to sleep, just getting better as being ok with me going to fetch her water or something while she's lying in bed

If your child's temperament means you can do that well lucky you but I never got a chance with DD