Am I being overly sensitive or is my colleague being rude?

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At work I work in a close knit team of around 10 people, we are all in our 20s and get on well. The newest team member has initially been shadowing me up until now. I have noticed the dynamic between us shift as she gains confidence. I feel like she is starting to be critical and rude about me in front of others but I'm not sure if I'm being overly sensitive? They are small things but I think the comments are rude to say in front of the entire team.

Three examples from today are:

• I mentioned to our team an email we had all been sent that I had read at home before coming in and she replied "why do you check your emails at home?" and I replied that I have my work email synced to my laptop and I just like to check my inbox n case anything important is sent and she replied "why not just check your emails here when you're at the office? I don't get it..."
• Another example is we were having a group conversation when a colleague came up to me to ask me a question and after I answered and resumed the group conversation. It turns out that I had missed that everyone was giving jokey answers to a question so when I was then asked I answered it seriously not realising everyone had started joking around. Everyone else politely just carried on but she said in front of everyone after my answer “I thought we were all giving funny reasons...” This is such a pathetic and juvenile example I feel embarrassed even writing it down as it sounds more like playground antics but there you go.
• Towards the end of the work day I referred to something that happened in the morning as "before lunch" and she said "why do you say 'before lunch'? why not just 'this morning'?"

To me it feels rude as I would never say these things to another person, especially not in front of others. They are also such small things that I would usually overlook but when it's happening often it starts to feel overly critical. However, I am quite a sensitive and quiet person who never wants to offend others so I fully accept I may be being overly sensitive so would love your honest opinions on these examples.

Thank you

@MissyB1

Hmmm she’s either socially awkward (and I was when I was in my 20s). Or she’s getting cocky because she thinks it will make her popular. Only you can work that out really.

Either way stay calm but firm and shut her down quickly (but politely) when she does it. If it carries in then a friendly little “chat” to explain what she is doing and that it needs to stop.

Perfect!

I honestly don't think these examples are necessarily rude. They could be poor social skills / attempt at confidence which is all falling flat.

Either way, Missy's approach is good.

@Justilou1

She’s a smartarse. She needs a gentle slapdown. A) Because I like to be prepared for my working day, don’t you? B) Withering stare... “Rude AND immature. Noted.” C) “Rude, immature and JUDGEMENTAL... Does not play well with others.”

That's not a gentle slap down. It's downright rude back, and is going to reflect very badly on OP if the new hire reports it.

Sorry I missed the car post. That is just rude. Is there anyone at work you can speak to about it, like a line manager or hr?

Not RTFT but yes, she's rude. It sounds like she's immature and showing off/trying to be cocky because she thinks it'll make her more popular. I'd pull her up on it, every time.

"Gosh I'm so flattered you spend so much time thinking about what I do and say. It's so great to be so popular and I'm feeling so confident as the whole team has noticed how much you hang off my every word. They're so jealous of how much attention you pay me".

Brilliant!

@MiddleClassProblem

I’m not sure why you pushed for a time to be set for a lunch right there and then especially as it seems she can have it at the same time.

It might be just that you rub each other up the wrong way.

There might be things you are saying that irritate her so she reacts.

She can't have her lunch at the same time, we have to alternate. That's why we have to plan our lunches to ensure there's always someone in the office. She was the one who originally brought up lunches and asked when I thought I'd like to take mine, I replied at around 2pm and that's when she started questioning me.

Wow, given the latest examples-driving an automatic is stupid? I think you definitely need to speak to your manager and mention the word bullying, because that is what she is doing. She’s trying to put you down, not so subtly either. Don’t tolerate her shit, OP, get this sorted now before she hounds you out of your job. Did you post another thread, the lunchtime nonsense is familiar? I give you the same advice-call her put, tell her she’s rude, stop accepting her rudeness to you.

I don’t understand why you relented then and said she could go at 2 or needed to know the answer right then. If she’s going to be difficult just say. “Well if that’s ok with you I’ll go at 2. Just let me know when you intend to go.” Rather than needing to make a decision right then and there.

Try not to engage too much when she is like this.

@sillysmiles

She may be a bit off, but you need to stand up for yourself. Being assertive is not bickering or having an argument. Time to put your big girl pants on.

though I agree with her re email checking at home.

I do stand up for myself but every time I defend myself she will question it and won't back down. I then think it makes me come across badly by trying to justify something pedantic and insignificant rather than just shrug it off and ignore.

With the emails we have had a bit of instability the past few weeks for various reasons and sometimes have been sent home early or had meetings cancelled which is why I check my emails at home. I don't think it's sad or pathetic to quickly glance at my inbox to see if there's anything important to know before I come in.

You need to start clapping back definitely.

Because it sounds like she's becoming emboldened.

And she's fucking rude, good god.

You might think about framing her as a general contrarian. "Oh Lou, you're so funny, someone says the sky is blue and you must say green!"

OR, frame her as a mardy cow. In other words, every time she says something rude say "are you alright Lou? You don't seem yourself".

Bonus points if you say it behind her back "is Lou OK do you think? She doesn't seem herself today. Has something happened?".

But then I'm a petty underhanded bitch.

"I'm sure you didn't mean to sound so rude"

" Try the stationery cupboard, you'll find a bigger spade in there".

"

I'm so shady I'd literally be telling people I'm worried about her with a concerned face on, lol.
😈

It's not you, it's her. She needs to work on her inter-personal skills, stop being so nit picky and chippy.

Start answering back assertively every single time. E.g the lunch thing 'I want to take my lunch at 2pm today' '....so you can take yours before or after. We can swap tomorrow if you want to go at 2pm then.'

Jeez she just sounds like a bitch to be honest. Don't ever justify things you don't have to. With the lunch thing and her asking you why, to a simple "because I want to. What you do is up to you". I still recommend taking her to one side and having a word and speaking to your manager.

Doesn't sound deliberately rude to me. Irritating, yes.

Yanbu. You sound like me when I was young and naive and like catnip for workplace bullies.

If someone asks you why are you reading emails at home and that person is not your line manager it is perfectly acceptable to ask them why they think that is business.

Their business.

She’s rude OP and no mistake. I would be talking to her line manager saying she seems a bit spiky/ unnecessary. I would be ok to say “ok simmer down” or similar to her. Call this out.

It sounds like she's trying to undermine you...watch your back is the only advice I can give.

Gosh, I think I'd be mentioning to my line manager that X doesn't seem to comfortable shadowing me/having me mentor her, it may not be the best fit, but I'll have a little chat with her and see what she thinks'.
Then simply tell X that you feel she might be better off working with someone else, if so go and see the line manager as you've already discussed it with her,
Then she either shuts up and restricts her questioning to what's actually relevant to the job, or goes to the line manager and explains all her weirdy questions.
I've worked with people like her, it doesn't get better (in fact I once observed it turn into workplace bullying once the employee had found her feet and found a few acolytes) then you end up exploding and you're the one called to the office for the naughty naughty chat.

I worked with one of those. Whilst unqualified and having less than 2 years in the profession he questioned and corrected me at every turn.

My lone manager was having upper management troubles of her own and somehow we never did pin him down on it.

I got promoted and he assumed he had my old job. Fell apart at the seams and now works elsewhere, at a lower level, less responsibility.

And yes, he is the one who questioned my interpretation of some fairly hefty science using something he had read that was considered to be the most up to date take on the topic. A piece that I wrote!

Sometimes they suck the life out of you. Nowadays I wouldn't let him get away with the first jib. Back then I did because, as a teacher I was conditioned to teach... Now I would have said "Because that's how I work", then I explained myself, justified my work practices.

I was a push over. Don't be a push over! It hurts.

And yes, SMT did call me in to have the 'naughty girl' chat. He was a convincing victim for quite a while!

Oh dear, that sounds like me 15 years ago. I was on the receiving end of one of those types.

It's bullying, pure and simple. Please log all incidents and talk with your line manager and HR. Hopefully your work will have a anti-bullying and harassment policy.

I made the mistake at the time to try not to be "so sensitive" and to be the better person and to tough it out. Please don't do this. It won't get better and she will gradually turn the rest of your team against you (sad, pathetic but I'm afraid that's how it can work).

If all else fails, go to the doctors and ask them to sign you off work for stress, then that will force your manager and HR to take the situation seriously.

I wish you lots of luck. I'm so sorry you are in this situation but please don't hope it will go away and try to brave it out. With the experience of hindsight I wish I had made a fuss at the time.

Sounds like she spoiling for a fight to to me. Just ignore the prat