If it was your wedding, would you mind..

[BrilliantBetty]

If your close friend didn't attend because it was a child-free wedding except for kids in the family.

Would you regard this as a lame excuse not to attend your wedding, or think fair enough childcare can be tricky

There are far too many variables here.

It could be a lame excuse but equally the friend could be desperate to attend and unable.

If someone decides on a child free wedding then they have to accept that some people with children will be unable to attend.

No because we all remember that a wedding invitation is not a summons.

If the couple wish to have a child free wedding then by the same token they understand that not everyone has or wants childcare for the occasion.

Depends on a lot of different things.
If the close friend had a small child then is be understanding.
If the child was an older teen, or the close friend frequently leaves the child with babysitters for other events then I'd be a bit put out.
But generally, if you have a child free wedding you probably do have to expect some people not to attend.

Well I wouldn't mind but my ex friend never spoke to me again in the same situation.

I think it depends how close friends you are. Do you want to go? Would she understand? Are you trying to get out of it and fibbing to her?

Also, my BF knows who my go-to babysitters are, for instance, so she'd know if I was feeding her a line to get out of something (or on the flip side, she'd know if I was really in the shit with no one to ask)

I would think I decided to have a child free wedding so have to live with the consequences...

If you have a childfree wedding - and I would - you have to accept that some people can''t/won't come. If your friend's presence means so much to you, then treat her as family.

I would tend to think fair enough, childcare can be tricky. But it does depend - how old are the children, how many of them are there, how much time would the wedding take, including getting there and back? And even if it wasn’t far away and the children weren’t teeny, it’s still their prerogative to say they can’t attend, just as it is yours to want a child-free wedding.

I wouldn't mind but some people will be offended despite this being a natural consequence of having a child free wedding.

I love a child free wedding! But sometimes you just can’t get childcare so I would understand and be disappointed but totally accepting. Equally, I understand that leaving a baby for an evening isn’t as easy as you think it might be pre-kids so even with childcare, it’s not always possible.
Which one are you in this situation?

Depends on the age of the child and whether the parents are used to leaving their child with someone else. I had to turn down an invite to a dear friend's wedding when my DD1 was tiny as I didn't feel comfortable leaving her with anyone. The friend decided to make an exception for me and I was able to bring her in the end.

We had a child free wedding apart from close family kids (who were flower girls) and our friends brought their 5 week old (told them they could, but also we wouldn’t be offended if they didn’t want to come with a newborn)

We chose child free so expected some people wouldn’t be able to come.

It depends. Do they have childcare they have in the past accessed and seem unwilling to do so now?

Not everyone has a raft of people they can call on to babysit.

I’m happy to attend a child free wedding but it means booking in a set of grandparents who then have to make other care arrangements.

If they can’t do it we’d have to consider hiring a babysitter which would be costly and so we’d have to decide if it was really worth it.

We’d possible decide that Only one if us would attend.

I’d hope a best friend would understand that it wouldn’t be unwillingness but sometimes just not possible

In the very unlikely event that I ever had a child-free wedding, I would accept that some people with children might not be able to attend.

It would depend on the circumstances though wouldn't it. It would clearly be unreasonable to expect a single mother to travel 200 miles to a friend's wedding, leaving her 4 primary aged children behind.

On the other hand, if someone lived locally and had 2 children (no special needs) in their late teens, I might be a little hurt if their mother said she couldn't attend any of the wedding because she couldn't leave them.

If it was really a close friend of mine getting married I would move heaven and earth to get a babysitter.

I have 2 weddings coming up. One around my due date and one when the baby will be 6 months. We haven't shared our news yet so unsure if baby would be invited . I think it depends on the situation and location. If it is local enough to attend but go home later or is it an over night? I totally appreciate people not wanting children at a wedding. I would never judge anyone for not being able to attend if had young children either though.

As the first response says - too many variables.

If I were getting married soon, then I would know this friend well and know if they had an actual reason for not making the effort or if they were just not willing to make the choice of getting someone to look after their little one(s) as they didn't think their close friend's wedding were important enough, on balance, to do that.
So, no, I wouldn't "mind" as such, but I think it would say a lot to me about how 'close' exactly we were.

@AfternoonToffee

If someone decides on a child free wedding then they have to accept that some people with children will be unable to attend.

This.

I don’t have kids but I understand that for most people they come first, even before a wedding day. It’s not always that easy for people to arrange childcare. If you exclude some of the family a repercussion is that not everyone can attend. I’d understand that.

Depends on age of child as much as anything else. I couldn’t go to a child-free wedding as was ebf DD who wouldn’t take a bottle so I couldn’t leave her.

Are you the friend with the baby?

I had a child free wedding and totally understood if people didn't want to attend because they didn't have childcare options. Kids were a non negotiable part of the day for us and I've never regretted that decision. All who were invited did come in the end although there were probably a few grumbles and We probably got slagged off on here!

@StillRunningUpThatHill

Depends on age of child as much as anything else. I couldn’t go to a child-free wedding as was ebf DD who wouldn’t take a bottle so I couldn’t leave her.

That's just ignorant on the couples part to be fair. EBF babies should be exempt in my opinion.

No, I wouldn't mind if someone couldn't come. If they were very close I'd expect them to have at least tried to get childcare though but if the wedding involved travel or kids were very young then it can be really hard

It would be context.

If a close friend of mine regularly left their child with GPs for a day and went out shopping / spa/lunch etc and wedding was local I wouldn't be mad at them (their choice not to come) but I'd realise I'm not the friend to them I thought I was and cool the relationship. Plus a really close friend and I'd know circumstances and would probably class their kids as family kids if I knew they couldn't get childcare. (But I'd make the decision before the invite rather than be held to ransom of only accepting of kids came!)

However under most circumstances I'd understand.

I've had weddings an hour/1.5hrs away. LP. No money for 6-7 hrs of babysitting. Ds is disabled.

Most weddings I've attended are family and so it's evening only and all family.

Friends weddings I've invited have been evening only and no kids (but another friend ds looked after mine and I did the driving and left pizza money for the boys )
Others have been bring kids. Some are no kids under 10/11/12 etc or none over 1.

Totally agree a wedding isn't a summons. And they are expensive for guests and sometimes this is a huge reason people cannot attend.

I'm having a child free wedding next year (postponed from this year due to covid).

I am absolutely fine with people not wanting to attend if they have children. I've told them that. It's the price you pay for not inviting children - some people won't be able to make it or won't want to come without them. I accept that.