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Original poster

If it was your wedding, would you mind..

409 replies

BrilliantBetty · 07/04/2021 17:24

If your close friend didn't attend because it was a child-free wedding except for kids in the family.

Would you regard this as a lame excuse not to attend your wedding, or think fair enough childcare can be tricky

OP posts:

ImInStealthMode · 07/04/2021 18:28

@BrilliantBetty She's the one who's being silly. Does she have kids herself? My money is on no.

Nellle · 07/04/2021 18:28

She shouldn't be annoyed about it because that's the dice you roll if you opt for a no-kids wedding. Some people will have to decline.

Likewise, you have to respect her choice for her wedding and not expect her to make an exception for you (there is no indication you are expecting this, just saying!)

GreenChips · 07/04/2021 18:29

I'd go with my mum and dad and leave the kids with your husband.

madmara · 07/04/2021 18:29

I think as a guest / close friend I'd be even more put out by a 'family children only' rule. As if family children are silent and beautifully mannered and it's only the non-family ones who might yelp during the ceremony, get chocolate on the tablecloths or slide across the dance floor on their knees during the first dance.

But the family children are family? The couple may not even know the children of friends.

I wouldn't presume that people don't invite the children of friends for noise and behaviour reasons. If you have 200 guests at a wedding (100 couples) and they have an average of even 1 child each (to allow for people without kids), you would be increasing your guest list by 50%. It would be incredibly unreasonable to expect all children of wedding guests to be invited to a wedding.

justwaydamin · 07/04/2021 18:29

Ah after your update I wouldn't worry. She doesn't sound like a particular close friend

sadpapercourtesan · 07/04/2021 18:29

If the bride wants to buy into the whole me-me-me 'Our Day' shite, then she deserves to given a dose of reality by those invitees who wont dance to her tune. She doesn't have any jurisdiction over the choices you make for your children. I wouldn't leave mine with strangers or an inexperienced relative either.

Mind you, mine are almost adult now, and I still wouldn't go to a child-free wedding. It's a clear indication that the B&G are up themselves and the day will be a borefest.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/04/2021 18:29

I didn’t exclude children as wanted people to come and not have to worry about childcare or the lack of it.

If a close friend, surely they would much rather you came with children than not attend?

todayinlockdown · 07/04/2021 18:29

I had a very similar situation, all regular childcare were either at the wedding or on holiday!

The venue actually provided a list of their approved childcare (known to the venue/ references/ vetted etc). Could you see if they can do anything similar?

In the end, as it was a very special wedding we couldn't not attend, we took DH's cousin with us, booked her a room in the hotel. I slipped away for bedtime and returned about 8 pm.

Worked out so well in the end!

bakingdemon · 07/04/2021 18:30

Could you get a sitter for the afternoon and go for the ceremony but not stay for the evening bit?

madmara · 07/04/2021 18:30

OP, if I were you I would leave the children with your husband and attend the wedding on your own.

Original poster

BrilliantBetty · 07/04/2021 18:32

I also don't particularly want to attend and DH stay at home. Many of his friends are getting engaged/ committed and I can see what would happen... i'd be left at home as childcare while he enjoys lots of friends' weddings in the not too distant future.
It sort of sets a precedent... and one of us (which will turn in to being me) stays home to look after DC.
And weddings are expensive to attend & I think if we were to travel to a wedding that takes up half the weekend we should be going together.

OP posts:

Zancah · 07/04/2021 18:32

@todayinlockdown

I had a very similar situation, all regular childcare were either at the wedding or on holiday!

The venue actually provided a list of their approved childcare (known to the venue/ references/ vetted etc). Could you see if they can do anything similar?

In the end, as it was a very special wedding we couldn't not attend, we took DH's cousin with us, booked her a room in the hotel. I slipped away for bedtime and returned about 8 pm.

Worked out so well in the end!

That sounds incredibly expensive. Not everyone can afford to stay at the venue themselves, let alone start getting extra rooms.
I'd feel extremely resentful if that was expected of me.

maddy68 · 07/04/2021 18:32

It depends. If they have readily available childcare that looks after their child on s regular basis then that's not an issue also depends on the age of the child , Sen etc. Many variables

SuperintendentHastings · 07/04/2021 18:34

In this situation, I would go and leave the children with your DH.

'It'll just be me attending, we always leave the DC with mum and dad so DH is going to stay at home with the children while I come and party with you all - can't wait!'

whiteroseredrose · 07/04/2021 18:34

I don't get the desire for child free weddings myself - we had lots of DC at ours - so I wouldn't agonise over a decline.

The problem is, it's not like a night out for 3 or 4 hours, weddings can go on for AGES so it's not like you can just ask a friend.

If you want to go, potentially your DH could look after the DC and you go with your DPs as a family thing. If you don't want to go I wouldn't feel any guilt.

ImInStealthMode · 07/04/2021 18:34

@madmara I see your point.

It didn't register with me as I wasn't thinking of giant weddings on that scale. There was nobody at mine I didn't know well enough to not know their young kids (I had the opposite issue, would have loved the kids to be there, invited them, everyone left them with sitters )

Aquamarine1029 · 07/04/2021 18:34

When I told bride we may not be able to attend she said 'that's just silly'.

Oh fuck off to this cheeky cunt. After such an absurd response, I wouldn't go to her wedding if Mary Poppins came to babysit. What an entitled little twat.

miltonj · 07/04/2021 18:34

It depends. In most circumstances I think it's a really lame excuse. Just because you're a mum doesn't mean you can't do anything without your kids. I'd think you just didn't want to come so were using kids as a cover.

However if a child is a young breast fed baby or has extra needs or you're a single parent/genuinely try to find someone to watch them and can't, then fair enough.

AnnaSW1 · 07/04/2021 18:35

I wouldn't mind at all

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/04/2021 18:35

it is about 2 hours away & in the countryside

Id decline on that basis alone as hate a long drive to an event and it’s rare the couple shoulder the costs for staying over despite their choice of venue often dictating guests plans.

Not to mention covid, a large gathering wouldn’t be in my to do list this year as not worth the risks.

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/04/2021 18:36

“That’s just silly” ? She can fuck off.

TristantheTyrannosaurus · 07/04/2021 18:36

@AfternoonToffee

If someone decides on a child free wedding then they have to accept that some people with children will be unable to attend.

What this poster said.

No, I wouldn't mind.

Zancah · 07/04/2021 18:36

Does she have kids? I'm guessing not, judging by her brass neck.
What does she expect you to do if she's invited your parents?!

SuperintendentHastings · 07/04/2021 18:38

@BrilliantBetty

I also don't particularly want to attend and DH stay at home. Many of his friends are getting engaged/ committed and I can see what would happen... i'd be left at home as childcare while he enjoys lots of friends' weddings in the not too distant future. It sort of sets a precedent... and one of us (which will turn in to being me) stays home to look after DC. And weddings are expensive to attend & I think if we were to travel to a wedding that takes up half the weekend we should be going together.

Well it depends if you really want to go to your friend's wedding. It's one day and, as you say, it only takes up half the weekend. It depends if losing one day of one weekend is more important to you than being at your friend's wedding. If she's a close friend, as you say she is, it would be a no brainer for me.

I had this situation when DS and DD were little and I went to the wedding leaving DH with the children. He was all for it as he knew that I would want to be at my friend's wedding.

EL8888 · 07/04/2021 18:38

Bit lame would be my thinking but I wouldn’t query it. Their choice. I would wonder if they were being huffy about their children not being invited to the wedding. I know some people get wound up by that

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