Neighbour unhappy DD gave his DS a snack

[Eastie77]

I am really annoyed but know I may be over-reacting so need to be talked down.

DD was playing out with our neighbours DS, he is about 10. At one point she ran into the kitchen and quickly out again. It turns out she took a bag of crisps and shared them with him and other kids. She knows she is not allowed to do this but it all happened v quickly. Neighbour later sent me a message "just a quick one Eastie, DS is not allowed snacks between meals" and went on to say he hadn't eaten his lunch because of the crisps. I explained I understood although I hadn't given them to his DS. He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

I have always told DD not to give out any snacks to friends unless I have permission from their parents but neighbour's reply is really annoying me. It has a lecturing tone to it that doesn't sit well with me and I want to send back a smart response but not sure what to write...

@growinggreyer that sounds like a pretty miserable state of affairs tbh. It's in most children's nature to share with their friends. Telling them to NEVER do so is very extreme

@JohnWaynesHorse

"I'll just pop to the hardware shop and buy you a grip"

The chap needs to chill a little......

As does the OP really.

@MiddleParking

God, that would irritate me. I’d maybe say something like “can’t promise that I’m afraid, I’m happy for her to have snacks and share so any extra supervision will need to come from your end!”

IMO this response is perfect.

You can't really tell the tone of a text and they can often come across in an unintended way. The reader puts their own tone on it.

Just let it go.

I wouldn't worry. My ds has multiple allergies and knew to decline any offer even before school. If they are so strict about having snack between meals, they should make sure their dc decline at age of 10.

@Aabb57853379

I cannot believe you would spent time trying to come up with a ‘smart’ response to this. You should be supervising your child and he is completely reasonable. I would just say ok I will make sure she doesn’t offer any to him if he is there when she is having a snack. Why spend energy getting exercised by this??

I think my neighbour has found the thread

Sometimes MN feels like another universe. I don't know anybody in RL who would tell their child off for offering crisps to a friend!
If a child has allergies and they are allowed out unsupervised, the. I would expect them to be able to manage their own health risks. Unless of course, I was looking after them, in which case I would expect the parent to have fully briefed me on what to avoid.
Really? Kids playing out can't share snacks with their friends now? I've heard it all!

Or he could make sure his child just doesn't take them

We’ve still got social distancing going on and everyone sharing the same bag of crisps is to be discouraged. Maybe it’s that more than the not earring lunch after.

Please do not berate your child too much, they were being kind. Years ago when my daughter was about 3/4 she was playing in the park and a girl of similar age had one of those big lollipops you get at the fair or seaside. She was offering all the other children a lick. I advised my daughter against it because it was obviously unhygienic, but I did not have a go at the child's mother, I actually thought it was sweet that she wanted to share her treat.

You should be supervising your child

Absolutely Aabb.

And by the same token, he should be supervising his instead of expecting OP to ensure his child behaves in accordance with his wishes.

The neighbour is over-reacting. However, your dd does need to learn not to give other children food without their parents' permission: however well-intentioned it is, the other child could be seriously allergic or on a medically-prescribed diet.

*Aabb57853379
I cannot believe you would spent time trying to come up with a ‘smart’ response to this. You should be supervising your child and he is completely reasonable. I would just say ok I will make sure she doesn’t offer any to him if he is there when she is having a snack. Why spend energy getting exercised by this??*
Maybe he could teach his child to say no instead of telling someone else what to do with their child

I know a 3 year who can control their own allergies, so I’d be very concerned that a 10 year old can’t do that (3 year old always asks his dm or me - childminder, if he can eat whatever it is, this has been drummed in to him so much and he has never forgotten While he is with me).

Dd is 10 and I have no problem with her sharing a snack with her friends (There’s a group of them), I’ve sent a packet of biscuits to the park when they’ve All come back hungry (if I don’t want them all in the house) and if any parent complained I’d tell them to take it up with their child who needs to be taught to decline if they shouldn’t be eating snacks. I’d also be rolling my eyes and thinking the parent was really weird for making this an issue and be betting that come secondary school when the child walks past the shops each day they will be spending all their money on Haribo and cheap fizzy pop.

@ddl1 any child I know at 10 if allergic knows what they can and can't have , kids swap bits at school and all sorts

Though I do have to add that if a child as old as 10 does have allergies or dietary restrictions, they need to take some personal responsibility for refusing the foods in question.

Tell him it’s up to him to make sure his child says no if he’s not allowed, your daughter won’t be monitoring his son on his behalf. No snacks between meals sounds weird for a child and a few crisps wouldn’t stop a child eating a meal. There’s some strange people around.

When my kids were younger, they and other neighbours kids used to all take some food and drinks out and share whilst sitting in a big circle chatting. It was lovely. My daughter has an allergy and knew not to have certain things so she’d say no. Your neighbour sounds miserable, poor kid.

I can understand why the tone of his text would rile you. But I think he means “would you keep an eye out and make sure your DD doesn’t sneak food out again, please? I’m trying to put some rules down about eating between meals.” I do think that would be a reasonable request. But yeah, it’s difficult not to be irritated by the tone.

I’d probably reply, “I’ll definitely make sure DD doesn’t sneak food out again, but I can’t be responsible for disciplining or monitoring [your DS] of course.”

Up to him to tell his child to say no. I would say 'We will mention it to DCs but I'm afraid we can't guarantee that as we encourage DCs to share. Perhaps you could reinforce your expectations with your son if this is an issue?'

Wait til his precious kid is offered a swig of vodka in a few years time. Poor lad. I'd warn your daughter just so she doesn't have this stupid man on her case again!

Well that sounds like a bundle of laughs doesn’t it 😬

@JohnWaynesHorse
Best one liner I heard in a while

@ddl1 any child I know at 10 if allergic knows what they can and can't have , kids swap bits at school and all sorts

Fair enough; I just made the same point myself. Both children need to learn to be a little more responsible on such matters, I suppose. Also, if there was a health reason, I would have expected the mother to mention it to OP, rather that just demanding more supervision.

Your dd has done nothing wrong in sharing her crisps. She probably shouldn’t have sneaked then out of the house in the first place but that’s a different matter!

Your neighbour needs to monitor his own son, not try to monitor yours!

I’d text back to say that when the children are playing outside it’s not possible to supervise who is eating what.

Hang on a kid died because someone threw cheese at him?