Neighbour unhappy DD gave his DS a snack

[Eastie77]

I am really annoyed but know I may be over-reacting so need to be talked down.

DD was playing out with our neighbours DS, he is about 10. At one point she ran into the kitchen and quickly out again. It turns out she took a bag of crisps and shared them with him and other kids. She knows she is not allowed to do this but it all happened v quickly. Neighbour later sent me a message "just a quick one Eastie, DS is not allowed snacks between meals" and went on to say he hadn't eaten his lunch because of the crisps. I explained I understood although I hadn't given them to his DS. He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

I have always told DD not to give out any snacks to friends unless I have permission from their parents but neighbour's reply is really annoying me. It has a lecturing tone to it that doesn't sit well with me and I want to send back a smart response but not sure what to write...

Ten years old is not "more than old enough" to be able to resist temptation. There are plenty of adults around who cannot stop themselves eating food that they should not. ALL children should be taught that they do not ever offer food to other children because they do not know what that other child can or cannot eat. That is the only safe rule.

A child that is old / responsible enough to play out alone should also be the one taking responsibility for accepting/declining snacks from others. (Unless there are unusual extenuating circumstances).

Not your problem OP.

Your dd was being kind by sharing. It’s up to him to make sure his son obeys his (pointless) rules not your ten year old.

Good luck to him once that kid hits secondary is all I would say.

Please don’t give your daughter a row. It’s not up to her to know everyone else’s house rules. She did a nice thing, showed generosity of spirit so don’t crush that. We need more of it in the world.

In case there’s any doubt at all I think your neighbour is a dickhead btw.

Ridiculous, if the DD was feeding the DS a truck full of Mars bars, pop and hula hoops on a regular basis a text would be warranted. A few shared crisps is a nice thing for DD to have done. She meant well. This bloke is rude and unreasonable.

I would be really pissed off. My children are taught to share. If he is so fucking uptight about a few crisps then he needs to instruct his child to refuse or else supervise at all times.

It’s his job to keep an eye on things in future, not yours!

Your daughter was being kind and polite by sharing. Don't tell her not to do that. If your neighbour has an issue then they need to discuss it with their son. He's old enough to say no, although I doubt a few crisps would stop him eating lunch.

He’s batshit. And is in for a shock when his child starts secondary school next year when he will be buying snacks from the local shop/sharing with his mates/going to their houses and eating crisps and biscuits there.

We have become far too rigid about food, to the point that it is detrimental to children IMO.

yes, some children have allergies, but at 10 they need to be able to manage those, and know when to say no. And let’s be honest, we don’t have a generation of kids who dropped dead by being given a crisp when we were younger.

Maybe he just didn’t like the lunch

How about neighbour teaches their child to say no, when offered?

I would reply with something like “no problem, I have spoken to my daughter about sharing food with your son. It might also be a good idea for you to talk with your son about not asking her to share her food when she is having a snack while out playing”.

At 10 your neighbour’s son is old enough to not eat snacks if he’s not meant to. Your daughter shouldn’t have to police what he eats.

Poor boy was probably starving!

What an embarrassment your neighbour is.

YANBU.

@growinggreyer

Ten years old is not "more than old enough" to be able to resist temptation. There are plenty of adults around who cannot stop themselves eating food that they should not. ALL children should be taught that they do not ever offer food to other children because they do not know what that other child can or cannot eat. That is the only safe rule.

Maybe some adults can't because they haven't had any practice exercising their willpower growing up?

I didn’t realise there were so
Many joy suckers in this world 😂

To me it all sounds very petty, unless maybe child has got allergies. I was always quite relaxed when it came to things such as this, fed half the street at times and vice versa. There was a very strict mum in our parenting group that was against snacks etc, and kind of made you feel you were a bad parent for allowing things she didnt, l found her really hard work to be honest and kept my distance.

That would piss me off too ‘why can’t he keep an eye on things’ himself - why should you supervise what his kid is eating, if he’s got such a problem with a couple of crisps he needs to keep an eye on his own kid, not expect you to do it!

Poor kids. It was a bag of crisps not a bag of smack..

@VienneseWhirligig

He's old enough at 10 to decline the crisps if he knows he isn't allowed them. She wasn't forcing him.

This. he's not a four year old.

(Also half a bag of crisps wouldn't fill a 10 year old up so much he wouldn't eat his lunch.)

@growinggreyer

Ten years old is not "more than old enough" to be able to resist temptation. There are plenty of adults around who cannot stop themselves eating food that they should not. ALL children should be taught that they do not ever offer food to other children because they do not know what that other child can or cannot eat. That is the only safe rule.

See, I totally disagree with that.

If the parent is around, then maybe teach that they should check with the parent.

But otherwise, if 'you' as a parent trust your child to go out unsupervised, surely that includes you knowing they understand about their allergies / religious requirements and will refuse inappropriate food if offered.

Hang on, when did not sharing food become a thing? Unless there are allergies, that's a really normal thing to do. Breaking bread together is one of the most basic human social interactions. I think it's lovely when children start engaging in such normal human behaviour off their own backs.

And do parents really control their children's food like this? No snacks for a 10yr old? He's almost old enough to take himself off to the shop and buy a bag of haribo with his pocket money. Once he's at secondary school, he won't be under such control! Dad's a weirdo if you ask me.

I’d reply and tell him to remind his child not to accept food whilst out and perhaps it’s best for him to supervise his DS whilst playing if he isn’t capable of following instructions.

I’d also speak to your DD. As you say, she knew what she was doing was against rules you had set for her.

Maybe offer some lightly steamed mange tout next time

Text back that apparently his son does eat snacks! Add that unless a food allergy is involved, you will not be micromanaging a group of friends sharing crisps. Then FFS get a grip.

His kid is 10, not 3. Sharing snacks is polite and kind. Your dd sounds like a lovely girl.

He is being ridiculous. The first text is just about understandable but you explained and that should have been the end of it. Talk about an overreaction.

I'd be more concerned about them sharing because of covid 😷
If my Ds came in after eating crisps and didn't eat his dinner, then he'd be the one getting a telling off, not the neighbours kid. As suggested, tell your neighbour it's up to him to police what his own kids are doing.