Neighbour unhappy DD gave his DS a snack

[Eastie77]

I am really annoyed but know I may be over-reacting so need to be talked down.

DD was playing out with our neighbours DS, he is about 10. At one point she ran into the kitchen and quickly out again. It turns out she took a bag of crisps and shared them with him and other kids. She knows she is not allowed to do this but it all happened v quickly. Neighbour later sent me a message "just a quick one Eastie, DS is not allowed snacks between meals" and went on to say he hadn't eaten his lunch because of the crisps. I explained I understood although I hadn't given them to his DS. He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

I have always told DD not to give out any snacks to friends unless I have permission from their parents but neighbour's reply is really annoying me. It has a lecturing tone to it that doesn't sit well with me and I want to send back a smart response but not sure what to write...

The father sounds like a joyless twat.

I'd be fuming, if I had a bag of tyrells in the house they would have been for a treat for me. I would be really miffed if the neighbourhood kids are my crisps!

I think that people have become totally ridiculous about food in general. sharing food is totally normal though of course allergies are a different thing. but then wow the kid didn't have their lunch ..... and??? I mean it's one meal who cares. By the time kids are 10 years old should be able to say no. So it would wind me up - if you are that strict they need to police their own kid and not expect other people to do so.

How big a bag of crisps was this that the kid can’t eat his lunch?

Perhaps they should have sent him out in a muzzle......or given him a lunch that he wanted to eat (extreme fussiness excluded, just not gruel), and makes me wonder if he is very controlling in other ways. Poor kid.

Ugh he sounds like a complete bore. Just ignore.

I think the neighbour is within his rights to politely ask you/DD not to give snacks going forward but I'd be irked by asking for extra supervision to ensure HIS son doesn't eat something he is offered. I think if any supervising if this kind should come from the neighbour or at least shared. Not sure how this has become 100% your responsibility if I replied I would probably politely get that point in somehow.
I'd also say that I've reminded DD not to share shacks and ask if DS can be reminded not to accept snacks to minimise this happening again.

Good Lord. I keep extra snacks in the cupboard to account for extra children. DS always taught to share any sweets, crisps etc.

He even takes his pocket money and buys them sweets. He's 12.

It's never occurred to me that he shouldn't be feeding other people's children!

At 10 years old, I would say they are old enough to manage their own dietary requirements.

I'm looking forward to this children going to secondary school and have free reign on the canteen.

I would say that in the absence of allergies if parent wants to set unrealistic rules then they need to police them themselves and not rely on other parents to do it for them.

I think I would reply, "Our rules allow Dd to have crisps between meals and she wouldn't have realised that your Ds is expected to abide by different rules, I have taught her that its kind to share. I think it might be difficult for an 8 year to remember the different family rules that all her friends have so its probably best if you just ensure that your ds understands the ones that apply to him. Of course if I become aware of a similar situation in future I will try and remind him that your rules are that he should refuse offers of snacks."

The boy probably thought it was his lucky day !

Not yours or your DD problem.

He sounds like an uptight twat who is going to get a series of nasty shocks as his kid hits the teenage years.

@gingerandproud4always

Wait til his precious kid is offered a swig of vodka in a few years time. Poor lad. I'd warn your daughter just so she doesn't have this stupid man on her case again!

That was my thought too. That Dad is going to struggle big time through the teenage years.

I wouldn't even bother to reply.

I would kindly suggest he teaches his DS to say no to snacks, then. Ridiculous to think your DD should be responsible for the other child following his parent’s rules - I imagine she didn’t force the food down his throat...

"Your ds is more than welcome to decline the offer of sharing food if he knows he's not allowed it"

At 10 your neighbour’s son is old enough to not eat snacks if he’s not meant to. Your daughter shouldn’t have to police what he eats.

Exactly. I thought this was going to be about a four or five year old.

Sounds like Daddy is a fun sponge.
Oh FFS. Why do people think this is a clever come back? Invariably this is used when someone’s shit parenting is being called out and they have no defence for it. “Oh you’re such a fun sponge that you don’t think my little angel should be running up and down the road screaming for an hour”

OP’s DD was as much in the wrong here but there is no suggestion she is being reprimanded for it. I would be livid if my DD did that.

As for all of those saying the boy should be able to eat half a bag of crisps and manage his lunch - news flash, not every kid is the same. DD had to stop having the small snack they were given at after school club because she couldn’t eat her dinner an hour later. I’m buggered if I’ll have a plate of nutritional food go to waste for the sake of a tub of Doritos and dip.

The correct response should have been “sorry, it happened without me knowing, I’ve spoken to DD and she won’t do it again”

@itsgettingwierd

"Your ds is more than welcome to decline the offer of sharing food if he knows he's not allowed it"

YES! Send that.

At 10 your neighbour’s son is old enough to not eat snacks if he’s not meant to

You don’t know this boy.

Your neighbour is ridiculous. We're talking about a 10yo here, not a toddler. His son accepted crisps and ate them, even though he knew he was not supposed to. It's not your job to police what neighbour's son is allowed or not allowed. Will he also march into a village shop and make a scandal if they sell his son snacks?

Maybe he wasn't full and just doesn't kale, quinoa, and tofu for lunch and would rather go hungry than eat her controlled meals.

Poor kid. I know someone like this. She won't allow her DC to eat treats or a slice of cake at children's parties. She is walking into an eating disorder nightmare when they are older.

I'd reply

"Of course I can try and keep this in mind for the future, but ultimately it's down to your child to refuse offers of food when they are out playing, as it's (their and your) responsibility, not those of every other family in the area. If your child cannot eat between meals then perhaps you could remind them of that, as my DD has been brought up to share and be welcoming to friends, and other friends and their parents simply don't mind. Your child can say no and DD will be respectful of that, if she does forget at some point."

He sounds like a controlling arsehole, tbh. If the child had allergies they would/should have mentioned that. Honestly, as presumptious as it might be, I think the issues with food are more to do with the parent than the child. They need to grow up.

So some man wants two females (OP and her DD) to police his son's eating.

Jesus, when will the entitlement of men end.

And lo - the gate to the funsponge field has opened ....

Kids playing out can't share snacks with their friends now?

If a child is at my house, I never offer them snacks or sweets without checking what their parents would think about that. It’s good manners to consider others.