Neighbour unhappy DD gave his DS a snack

[Eastie77]

I am really annoyed but know I may be over-reacting so need to be talked down.

DD was playing out with our neighbours DS, he is about 10. At one point she ran into the kitchen and quickly out again. It turns out she took a bag of crisps and shared them with him and other kids. She knows she is not allowed to do this but it all happened v quickly. Neighbour later sent me a message "just a quick one Eastie, DS is not allowed snacks between meals" and went on to say he hadn't eaten his lunch because of the crisps. I explained I understood although I hadn't given them to his DS. He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

I have always told DD not to give out any snacks to friends unless I have permission from their parents but neighbour's reply is really annoying me. It has a lecturing tone to it that doesn't sit well with me and I want to send back a smart response but not sure what to write...

I'd be more worried about what went on at home when he didn't eat his lunch... how did dad even know he'd had a few crisps between meals? And it would literally have been a few even if shared between just two friends.

I mean, did dad go so OTT about uneaten lunch that the poor kid 'fessed up to a few crisps?

Unless he's clinically obese and/or diabetic, or other health/well-being issues I'd say dad is OTT, and it's up to his son to say no. He sounds like an arse IMO. Great way to create issues around food.

That would piss me off too. If he does not want his child to have snacks that is up to him to tell him not to accept them. It’s not your daughters responsibility to do that.

If both children are the same age, it's up to the boy to follow his mum's eating rules - it's not for your daughter or you to monitor him.

I would reply politely saying that you and your daughter aren't able to take responsibility for what her son might eat, so this is something she'll have to manage herself.

The issue of your DD taking the crisps without asking is a separate thing between you and your DD.

Op says the dd shared her crisps with him and other kids. If it's regular bag, he wouldn't have had many at all.

Yes to going to the hardware shop for grips

Was it a big share bag? Or a normal multipack bag?

I'd be pissed off too. Neighbour has to tell his kid not to accept snacks.

He's old enough to say thank you when offered food. Your neighbour is being rude. If he doesn't want his child snacking, he needs to put the onus on his child to refuse not on other kids to not share.

How old is neighbour’s child?

@skeggycaggy

How old is neighbour’s child?

Says in OP neighbour's child is 10 but OP hasn't said how old her DD is.

He needs to educate his child to say no.
In all honesty this is a tricky scenario for my family as ds has a nut & seed allergy - hence me drilling into him from a very young age to be wary of food from other children!!

How sad that your poor DD can't even share a packet of crisps with a child more than old enough to know their own allergies. The neighbour sounds uptight and is certainly going to struggle with their child goes to secondary school with a lot less monitoring as to who eats what.

Is her own little poppet totally blameless. Surely he must know at 10 what he is allowed and not allowed to eat. Im confident your DD didn't force these crisps down his throat. He made a choice to eat them.
That's the gratitude you get for sharing.

Either way another child doesn’t get to decide to share food like this.

My child will certainly ‘get to decide’ to share crisps at 10. You can make rules for your own kids, not other people’s.

Wow, a few crisps from a shared bag!
We live in a sad world if this level of control is needed (unless there’s a food allergy in which case 10 is old enough to say no himself).

God help him when the kid goes to high school and he’s surrounded by kids with “contraband” being handed out at break and lunch

He needs to tell his own child not to eat the snacks
As if sharing a packet of crisps made him not eat his meal!!

Your DD did nothing wrong. It's polite to offer to share food in our culture. If the friend is not allowed to eat between meals it's up to him to say a quick - no thank you. It's not your DDs role to police another family's rules.

Oh yes Arbadacarba I thought it was the OP’s DD who was 10. In that case tbh I think the onus rests on the neighbour’s DS to have refused the offer of food.

Offering to share food is a perfectly normal, polite thing to do. Unless money is an issue, I'd be pleased if my child did this because it would mean that they'd learnt some manners! If a child accepts them when they know they're not supposed to be snacking, that's on them and their parents.

@WildWaterSwimmer

Your DD did nothing wrong. It's polite to offer to share food in our culture. If the friend is not allowed to eat between meals it's up to him to say a quick - no thank you. It's not your DDs role to police another family's rules.

Exactly this. Sharing food is modelled in the general culture as good hospitality & kindness.

I'd have just laughed. A few crisps wouldn't have stopped him eating his lunch.

I despair for kids these days. Seriously, they can't share a pack of crisps at age 10. Unreal.

And (unless there’s some health related issue) let him not eat lunch! Not the end of the world and he’ll learn because he’ll be starving by tea time. Honestly, micro managing kids this way, over decisions they’re perfectly capable of making themselves, is why they grow up incapable.

Yeah the kid didn't struggle to eat dinner after half a bag of crisps!

My 8 year old would eat consistently every 30 minutes if allowed and still eat his meals!

Tell him to supervise his own kid if he’s that bothered!

“Sorry but I’m too busy to supervise your child if you let him play out. Maybe you should remind him of your food rules”

but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

“I’m afraid it’s really up to you to tell your DS not to accept snacks if you don’t want him to eat them. But I will remember not to offer any to him in future.”

It’s up to him to police his own kid if he’s that uptight about it....