Neighbour unhappy DD gave his DS a snack

[Eastie77]

I am really annoyed but know I may be over-reacting so need to be talked down.

DD was playing out with our neighbours DS, he is about 10. At one point she ran into the kitchen and quickly out again. It turns out she took a bag of crisps and shared them with him and other kids. She knows she is not allowed to do this but it all happened v quickly. Neighbour later sent me a message "just a quick one Eastie, DS is not allowed snacks between meals" and went on to say he hadn't eaten his lunch because of the crisps. I explained I understood although I hadn't given them to his DS. He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

I have always told DD not to give out any snacks to friends unless I have permission from their parents but neighbour's reply is really annoying me. It has a lecturing tone to it that doesn't sit well with me and I want to send back a smart response but not sure what to write...

This is ridiculous lol

Wow I’ve never heard of a child who’s not allowed snacks when out playing. Poor kid. 10 year old boys eat constantly. Half a bag of crisps wouldn’t affect his lunch. I feel really sad for him. Getting snacks from friends houses is part of the fun of playing out

Your dd was kind in sharing and obviously well raised. The boys dad is a twat and really over reacting. Can't offer u advice but wanted you to know you are not alone in your thinking x

@MabelPines

I suspect if this was posted the other way round everyone would be suggesting text the neighbour pretty much what he texted.

It’s daft to get the hump about it OP, something happened between your that was bothering your neighbour, he told you about it and that’s it - you don’t need to give it any more thought!

First time on AIBU, they certainly would not tell her that they would generally tell her to get a grip.

First world problems. Sharing is caring, if he doesn’t want his child to have snacks then he needs to be there to watch him.

"growinggreyer
You need to explain to your DD that she is not old enough to decide to feed other people's children and that some children have food allergies that can be fatal - but the child might not know or might not care at that moment. Think about that poor boy that died because another child threw a piece of cheese at him. Teach your child that she did the wrong thing."
Seriously? A 10 year old boy would know himself if he had fatal allergies.

Why does the parent not tell his own child to NOT accept food between meals instead of blaming your daughter. What size was the bag of crisps anyway?

Wow this is one of those threads that I read and think I must be from an alternate universe.

The thought of kids sharing snacks as being wrong is just so bizarre to me. WTF?

[quote MNWorldisCrazy]@Eastie77 Did you text back??? Please send the suggested text above, advising him to supervise his child!![/quote]
No, I didn't want to escalate into a war of words over text so planned to speak to him today at an event all the kids were going to but he wasn't there, the boy's mum took him. She doesn't live with him.

Some of the responses in this thread regarding my lax parenting, the evils of Tyrell crisps, the 10 yo suffering from a non existent allergy neither parent has ever mentioned to me or suffering lasting "psychological damage" because he was offered said crisps have made me chuckle (but also feel quite sad, like a lot of PP I grew up on a street where kids played out and shared food at the time). Anyway. He is going to spend the holidays with his mum, hopefully he gets to eat a bit of chocolate in peace

So he expects a seven year old to police a ten year old? What a numpty.

I would message
Haha you do yours 😆

Is the dad working from home, and annoyed because he stopped work to make a lunch which wasn't eaten, and figures he'll have to make more food in an hour's time?

Either way, he needs to pull his head in and learn to deal. Not your problem.

Wow your neighbour sounds a right idiot, I would be so annoyed as well

"I've spoken with my daughter, please speak with your son about the wisdom of saying 'no,' as well."

@Eastie77 - you missed out underlying mental health and learning difficulties from your list of things you should have considered.......shame on you......

Boringlynormal
Both parents are lax IMO and should be dealing with their own kids rather than silly texting. But the only one on here deflecting from their kid’s (minor) misbehaviour is the OP.

But the neighbour was deflecting by blaming a 7 year old and her mum for his own son’s inability to follow his house rules surely?

Some of these replies are so extreme.

She is 8 and shared food with her friends. They probably do it at school all the time. I know as kid we used to swap stuff from our lunches all the time. The other child is 10, he knew he shouldn't snack before meals and he could've said no.

OP didn't know her child snuck crisps out, children are sneaky!

I doubt a handful of crisps made him not eat his lunch either.

Say your child has been taught to share, his ten year old is old enough to say no if he isn’t allowed a shaving of potato before his lunch. Neighbour needs to get a grip.

I’d have been a bit put out at that text ...it was a few crisps not a kebab !

@GoWalkabout

'Sorry, I can't supervise your ds or his eating when they are playing out, not sure why that is your expectation?'

This response is perfect!

No one parent is responsible for ALL of the children playing outside together in this scenario. Ridiculously overbearing of the anti-snack dad to make this request to you

2bazookas - but why is this the OPs responsibility?!

All the kids were playing outside together. The boy who ate the crisps is older than OPs daughter and is responsible for following his family's rules himself.

It's not the OPs responsibility and its certainly not the OPs daughter's responsibility!

Bit of sexism creeping into this by the sounds of it.

Your DSD May have wanted to seem polite and friendly and therefore offered her snack. That shows kindness. The Kid next door is 10. He will no doubt be heading to high school this year or next and yet he is not able to say no?
Not your job to keep an eye on things in future unless he was under your care!

I'm afraid I would reply
Your job to keep an eye on your kid I'm afraid!

It would annoy the hell out of me too. As others have said what a joy sponge ffs

I wonder how many other children have been PERSUADED to feed him enough to not want his mummys cooking

[quote SD1978]@Eastie77 - you missed out underlying mental health and learning difficulties from your list of things you should have considered.......shame on you...... [/quote]
My mistake! I also forgot my neighbour could be suffering from anxiety and the crisps could have been 'tiggering' for him or his DS.

I would reply
It is not my responsibility or my dcs responsibility to police what your child eats. That is your responsibility. If your child at 10 is incapable of deciding for themselves what they should and should not do, then you should be keeping a closer watch on them, and should be supervising them at all times. Have a nice day!