Neighbour unhappy DD gave his DS a snack

[Eastie77]

I am really annoyed but know I may be over-reacting so need to be talked down.

DD was playing out with our neighbours DS, he is about 10. At one point she ran into the kitchen and quickly out again. It turns out she took a bag of crisps and shared them with him and other kids. She knows she is not allowed to do this but it all happened v quickly. Neighbour later sent me a message "just a quick one Eastie, DS is not allowed snacks between meals" and went on to say he hadn't eaten his lunch because of the crisps. I explained I understood although I hadn't given them to his DS. He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

I have always told DD not to give out any snacks to friends unless I have permission from their parents but neighbour's reply is really annoying me. It has a lecturing tone to it that doesn't sit well with me and I want to send back a smart response but not sure what to write...

Bothered about covid? Keep your dc at home then surely?

I don't believe for a moment that a few crisps out of a shared bag filled some child up so much that he couldn't eat his lunch.

My kids used to come in and grab a bag of crisps for themselves and each of their friends - same with ice-lollies and biscuits, and their friends' mothers reciprocated. I went through loads of snack stuff, and I wouldn't be impressed with any kid that wouldn't she.

Your neighbour should police his own child and train them not to eat any food other than what they get at home.

If that poor kid has to sit there with drool dripping dow his chin while the others share a bag of crisps, it's not on your conscience.

*wouldn't share, not she

I bet the DS egged your daughter to get him one and she obliged. Perhaps the neighbour should be having words with their child instead of lecturing others about how to manage their children.

He probably the kind of parent who would also complain if you have ice lollies out to all the kids except his following this situation.

The man's a moron and he needs to parent his own child, not yours!

Also, 1 packet of crisps shared between a group of kids (say 5 kids), there's no way his son ate enough crisps to not finish his lunch! Unless his son ate most of the packet, in which case, his son need to learn to share

To answer some questions DD is almost 8. I do think a 10 yo is old enough to refuse a snack if not allowed but understand most won't have that level of self control at that age. I'm just annoyed at the neighbours tone. I know tone can be misconstrued over text but it was the "in future can you make sure.." that wound me up.

I have told DD before not to share out snacks due to allergies etc. Slight caveat is there are neighbourhood kids whose parents I'm friends with/know well and in cases where I know they would be fine with certain snacks I've let her share . For example when baking recently she gave some to my friends kids but I also sent a message to the parents "just to let you know we're giving Jack a fairy cake if that's ok". I do not allow her to give out snacks to all and sundry. She ran out of the house with the bag hidden as she knew I'd tell her to put it back.

The crisps were a share bag of Tyrells if that's relevant (so not massively unhealthy!) and I imagine the kids just took a handful each as the bag is almost empty but there were quite a few kids out. I can't imagine the 10 year old had that much to eat!

unless there is some underlying food related health issue, your neighbour is a sanctimonious controlling killjoy and his 10 year old is rightly rebelling, poor kid

Your daughter won't do it again but I do not see how a few crisps would fill up a child so much that they wouldn't eat lunch.

Of course kids should not be given food by neighbours' children but a one off won't hurt.

I think VienneseWhirligig’s post as a response is perfect:
He's old enough at 10 to decline the crisps if he knows he isn't allowed them. She wasn't forcing him

How ridiculous that ...what...a quarter of a bag of crisps means that he refuses lunch? What nonsense!

@VienneseWhirligig

He's old enough at 10 to decline the crisps if he knows he isn't allowed them. She wasn't forcing him.

Mine were certainly responsible enough at 10 to decline if necessary.

And how come a bag of crisps shared between more than one kid was enough to fill the DS up? I find that very hard to beliieve. Sounds more like daddy is a control freak. Because if it were to do with an allergy, that would have been mentioned, surely.

“I’m afraid it’s really up to you to tell your DS not to accept snacks if you don’t want him to eat them. But I will remember not to offer any to him in future.”

This sounds like a message I'd be sending back.

Maybe the neighbour should teach his child how to say no. Take responsibility for his own actions, instead of blaming others. I’m guessing the snack wasn’t forced on him. He’s 10 not 3. And if he can’t be trusted to stick to parents rules, then don’t let him out unsupervised.

@HeartsAndClubs

He’s batshit. And is in for a shock when his child starts secondary school next year when he will be buying snacks from the local shop/sharing with his mates/going to their houses and eating crisps and biscuits there.

We have become far too rigid about food, to the point that it is detrimental to children IMO.

yes, some children have allergies, but at 10 they need to be able to manage those, and know when to say no. And let’s be honest, we don’t have a generation of kids who dropped dead by being given a crisp when we were younger.

Exactly. That’s what I was thinking.

When lockdown eases, I’d invite the boy for a play date and lunch or dinner. This is strange... unless the boy genuinely doesn’t eat much and the parents struggle to get him to eat enough nutritious food. But for my peace of mind, I’d want to check.

The man's an arrogant idiot, ignore him. His son is ten and whether he's allowed to snack between meals is between parents and child and not up to neighbours to enforce! It would be different if he was very young and had an allergy, but just "not allowed" is for the parents to enforce, not neighbours or other (younger) children.

Where we live if children that age ask for a snack and parents say yes they always offer other children playing out too - it'd be rude not to and most people wouldn't give their children something to eat outside unless they had enough to share with the children they're playing with - be it fruit or ice lollies or biscuits or anything else.

He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together

Your responsibilities end with your child in this case. If you tell your child not to share then that is your part done.

If he wants an eye kept on his child I would suggest he uses his own eye.

Some kids aren’t hungry for every meal. But to blame it on a handful of crisps is a nonsense.

"Hi John, DD took the crisps without my knowledge which I've spoken to her about. However, we've drummed it into her that it's important to share, and that that includes treat food (except in the case of allergies obviously), so I won't be telling her off for sharing."

How times change. I always told my children that they should share with friends and always made them offer crisps/biscuits/ice cream to others.

Must admit this would make me mad, lol. Err, my responsibility does not extend to ‘ensuring’ anything here in relationship to your child!
If he wants his kid to avoid snacks he should teach him to say no, or ‘ensure’ he doesn’t snack before lunch himself!

The "psychological impact" of being offered a crisp?

Jesus wept 😂

I wouldn't reply at all!
The kids not allowed snacks & with the rigid rules around foods & meal times will be the ones utterly desperate to get their hands on the forbidden foods. The lad's 10, they've got a year at best before they lose their control & he's sneaking junk food at every opportunity.
You'll get the last laugh then

Half a packet of a multipack packet of crisps would be about 6 crisps

She’s don’t nothing wrong and neither have you. Is it even a massive deal if a 10 year old doesn’t finish his lunch once. My little sister and I used to do that because we were so eager to get back outside playing. Then we’d polish off the unfinished lunch and our tea at the same time

"At their ages I don't watch them every moment so you'll need to remind NAME of your rules and tell him not to accept any food."

I cannot believe you would spent time trying to come up with a ‘smart’ response to this. You should be supervising your child and he is completely reasonable. I would just say ok I will make sure she doesn’t offer any to him if he is there when she is having a snack. Why spend energy getting exercised by this??

A bit ott to send a text about a snack, unless there were allergies involved. A ten year should be able to modify his behaviour. He probably just didn’t fancy his lunch, and blamed the crisps!

One packet shared so a few crisps each meant he didn’t eat lunch

Hmmmmmmmmm

Obv yes your df should take without permission, but nice she shared

And at that age the neighbours kid is okd enough to say I’m not allowed them or if had an allergy he would have known