Neighbour unhappy DD gave his DS a snack

[Eastie77]

I am really annoyed but know I may be over-reacting so need to be talked down.

DD was playing out with our neighbours DS, he is about 10. At one point she ran into the kitchen and quickly out again. It turns out she took a bag of crisps and shared them with him and other kids. She knows she is not allowed to do this but it all happened v quickly. Neighbour later sent me a message "just a quick one Eastie, DS is not allowed snacks between meals" and went on to say he hadn't eaten his lunch because of the crisps. I explained I understood although I hadn't given them to his DS. He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

I have always told DD not to give out any snacks to friends unless I have permission from their parents but neighbour's reply is really annoying me. It has a lecturing tone to it that doesn't sit well with me and I want to send back a smart response but not sure what to write...

@Biscuitsdisappear

I wouldn't respond but if you really want to say that your DD offered the crisps to his son and maybe he/she should teach their DS to say no thank you.

This is a reasonable response. Although you can’t underestimate the power of peer pressure. The other child may not have wanted to look like a spoilsport by refusing the crisps. This would have been an issue when my child was younger as he has T1 diabetes so had to count carbohydrates & take insulin to cover any snack. He would have hated not to join in though.

Have read through OP’s replies and couldn’t see, were the kids in your garden or playing out front?
If they were out front then not your responsibility and the 10yo’s dad should be making sure his son isn’t taking snacks from other people! Why isn’t he keeping an eye on him?
If they’re in your garden, a different matter but a few crisps is hardly the end of the world!

Was it a 24 multipack? Not many kids I know would leave a meal because they’ve had a snack. They have snacks at school. Total overreaction IMO.

@busymomtoone I totally agree! My son at 10 makes himself complete meals if he’s hungry, people need to let their kids grow up. I would also expect that by 10 they would be aware of any allergies they have and be able to deal with that.

Id write back. "Kids will be kids."Omg when did this not sharing snacks start. Poor bairns

@csigeek

Have read through OP’s replies and couldn’t see, were the kids in your garden or playing out front? If they were out front then not your responsibility and the 10yo’s dad should be making sure his son isn’t taking snacks from other people! Why isn’t he keeping an eye on him? If they’re in your garden, a different matter but a few crisps is hardly the end of the world!

We live in a cul de sac and the kids all play out front. I can see DD from the front room and generally glance out from time to time, I don't watch continuously.

Just let it go. If you can do it without being cross you could tell your neighbour you’ve spoken to your daughter. I wouldn’t be able to resist saying that you have taught your daughter not to accept snacks from other children.

Nit my issue if your kid thinks your food sucks - happy to offer him a tasty meal any time!

Exactly as @MiddleParking says - it's not up to your DD to police his DS.

maybe its not really to do with not eating lunch etc
In covid times i don't want to share a bag of crisps with
anyone particularly a ten year old!!!!!

Why can't he put blame on his DS. Sounds like he is passing responsibility or he see's his son as a perfect angel unable to do any wrong.

@msgreen

maybe its not really to do with not eating lunch etc In covid times i don't want to share a bag of crisps with anyone particularly a ten year old!!!!!

No one is making you to. Just like no one made the 10 yo to do it.

I can't get over the idea of 3 or more children sharing a bag of crisps and that meaning one of them wouldn't eat their lunch. Was it a giant industrial sized bag?

She ran out of the house with the bag hidden as she knew I'd tell her to put it back.

I’m sorry but this is bad behaviour from your daughter and I think maybe you should focus on that. The request from the dad is reasonable.

@Boringlynormal

She ran out of the house with the bag hidden as she knew I'd tell her to put it back.

I’m sorry but this is bad behaviour from your daughter and I think maybe you should focus on that. The request from the dad is reasonable.

How is the request reasonable?

They are two totally separate issues. The Dad would still be being unreasonable even if the OP had given her DD the crisis

I mean that if my daughter had behaved badly I wouldn’t be so focused on crushing my ‘unreasonable’ neighbour with a pithy reply.

AND I think he’s reasonable to ask that you don’t hand out food to his child and that you control your own child’s behaviour well enough to make sure she doesn’t either.

Poor kid, he's going to be a good liar in a few years.

@Boringlynormal

I mean that if my daughter had behaved badly I wouldn’t be so focused on crushing my ‘unreasonable’ neighbour with a pithy reply.

AND I think he’s reasonable to ask that you don’t hand out food to his child and that you control your own child’s behaviour well enough to make sure she doesn’t either.

I’m sure the op is, as she’s said, capable of both dealing with her Dd and the neighbour

Surely it’s more reasonable to expect him to focus on his own, older, child and tell him not to take food while out? Rather than expect the other kids to not use any manners around him

Nowadays you get about 10 crisps in a bag! No way did it stop the child eating dinner I think your neighbour wants to sound like a paragon of child health by letting you know, smug twat I'd give the child a family share bag next time

When I ws Las 10, I was outside playing all day and me and my friends would go to the little shop and get a pic n mix with pennies we found or pocket money. It's no big deal. At 10 years old, kids know what they are allowed and arnt.
This parent needs to get a grip. My friends were always offered drinks and a snack when they visited my house and in those days my parents didn't even know the kids parents... Just friends I played with around my area.

@Bairnsmum05

Jeez our neighbours kids used to eat me out of house and home when round. All given lunch and ice lollies in the summer or go up to shop for ice cream.. No big deal.

Same here.

“Understood. I’ll tell DD not to share in future but can’t always monitor them 100% 🤷‍♀️ so please also remind DS to abide by your house rules as well, cheers”

To add, I don’t see anything wrong with your neighbours message. It’s reasonable not to want to take food right now, especially with covid. The neighbour may have made up the reason but that’s not the point. I do think a 10 year old can say no too but maybe he too was just being polite. Anyway, don’t get annoyed over it. It really doesn’t seem that big a deal. Chill + large glass of wine 😁

He should have taught his DS to say no if it’s of such importance... this isn’t on you or your DD. It was actually nice of her to share (even though like you say she shouldn’t have taken them but still!)

Absolutely shameful that people are saying a 10 year old should be discouraged from sharing crisps. So it's preferable for her not to offer her treats to her friends? What a miserable bunch you all are! It is very nice of her to share with her friends, lovely she chose a big bag so she could do that. It's up to the other kids if they want to or not. At ten they absolutely know if their parents want them to or not. If this kid took the crisps that's on him, not your daughter. I wouldn't be surprised if he rarely gets access to treat foods which is why he stuffed himself. Noone forced him to do that. It says way more about this kids parents restrictive attitudes leading to him rebelling than it has anything to do with your daughter. Genuinely feel sorry for you and her, and probably the boy too.