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Original poster

Neighbour unhappy DD gave his DS a snack

555 replies

Eastie77 · 03/04/2021 13:12

I am really annoyed but know I may be over-reacting so need to be talked down.

DD was playing out with our neighbours DS, he is about 10. At one point she ran into the kitchen and quickly out again. It turns out she took a bag of crisps and shared them with him and other kids. She knows she is not allowed to do this but it all happened v quickly. Neighbour later sent me a message "just a quick one Eastie, DS is not allowed snacks between meals" and went on to say he hadn't eaten his lunch because of the crisps. I explained I understood although I hadn't given them to his DS. He responded by saying that's fine but can I keep an eye on things in future to ensure his DS doesn't eat anything when the DC are playing together.

I have always told DD not to give out any snacks to friends unless I have permission from their parents but neighbour's reply is really annoying me. It has a lecturing tone to it that doesn't sit well with me and I want to send back a smart response but not sure what to write...

OP posts:
ElderMillennial · 04/04/2021 08:10

Surely he could supervise his own child more closely to make sure he doesn't eat between meals or teach him he is not allowed to have snacks between meals without permission.

Why is it only on you to make sure your DD doesn't give him a snack between meals.

InvincibleInvisibility · 04/04/2021 08:10

So a 7 year old's mum is being blamed for a ten year old accepting some crisps? Bonkers.

My DS has ADHD and compulsive eating. I do my best with his diet (he's a healthy weight but teetering on overweight) but I do have to regularly ask his best friend's nanny NOT to give him extra biscuits and sweets at the park after school. I pack his snack, our nanny tries to make sure he doesn't eat anything else but this other nanny does love to feed him extra.

If he does eat extra then I don't make a song and dance about it, I just try to cut down at another time (which usually means yet another meltdown from DS for me to manage. Sigh)

If another child gives DS sweets then I don't contact the parents. It's for me to manage and it comes from a kind, sharing sentiment.

ElderMillennial · 04/04/2021 08:15

Can you say

DD knows she isn't supposed to share snacks but she is too generous for her own good so did it without telling me. If you are strict about DS not snacking then I'm sure you can keep an eye on that at your end too.

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Daytimetellysucks · 04/04/2021 08:15

@SeaShoreGalore

Nobody's allergic to crisps!
My daughter is coeliac so there’s a lot of crisps she can’t have. You’d be surprised how many crisps have gluten in.

At 10 he is old enough to know what the rules are in his own house. It is their child that has done the wrong thing by breaking the rules, not you or your DD

Yes, this. At 10, he’s old enough to know he’s not supposed to be eating the crisps. The neighbour should be teaching his son to say no thanks when offered snacks he’s not allowed to have - that’s totally on the neighbour. Perhaps he should be supervising his own son better.

KatharinaRosalie · 04/04/2021 09:07

@SeaShoreGalore

Nobody's allergic to crisps!
I grabbed the first pack of crisps out of the pantry and they include both wheat and milk - two of the top 8 allergens.
AndreaMarteau · 04/04/2021 09:11

The text was bonkers as are some of the responses on this thread. It's like MN bingo. 'Psychological impact' of snacks! 🙄

My DD is 13. She's vegetarian (her choice, no one else in the family is) and T1 Diabetic (not her choice, but hey). At 10, she would've known what she can and can't eat, whether some sweets had gelatine in or not, etc. Suggesting that it's OP's DD responsibility to police other people's food intake is ridiculous.

If it's such a big deal to the neighbour, he should be the one talking to his DS, the onus does not fall on OP.

Soontobe60 · 04/04/2021 09:16

@ZiggyBaby

No need for a 'smart' response, imo. The neighbours text was fine, and i'm sure many other parents would send similar. Remind your DD again that she shouldn't be doling out food to people.
I wouldn’t send that text! The ds is 10, he’s not a toddler. If his mother wants to control his eating habits then she needs to sort it out with him. What a ridiculous text to send! If he didn’t eat his dinner because he’s had half a bag of crisps there’s other issues at play.
Soontobe60 · 04/04/2021 09:35

@Foxglovesandlilacs

Hang on a kid died because someone threw cheese at him?
He had many allergies. Another child threw a piece of a cheese slice at him in school and it landed on his neck. He had an allergic reaction. He broke the skin when scratching at it, which is how the allergen entered his bloodstream, his epipen was almost a year out of date and it took too long for the paramedics to treat his as there were no signs of anaphylaxis on his skin. They initially treated him for an asthma attack so gave him the wrong drugs. It was a series of events and wrong decisions that sadly led to his death.
Soontobe60 · 04/04/2021 09:39

@MintyMabel

Sounds like Daddy is a fun sponge. Oh FFS. Why do people think this is a clever come back? Invariably this is used when someone’s shit parenting is being called out and they have no defence for it. “Oh you’re such a fun sponge that you don’t think my little angel should be running up and down the road screaming for an hour”

OP’s DD was as much in the wrong here but there is no suggestion she is being reprimanded for it. I would be livid if my DD did that.

As for all of those saying the boy should be able to eat half a bag of crisps and manage his lunch - news flash, not every kid is the same. DD had to stop having the small snack they were given at after school club because she couldn’t eat her dinner an hour later. I’m buggered if I’ll have a plate of nutritional food go to waste for the sake of a tub of Doritos and dip.

The correct response should have been “sorry, it happened without me knowing, I’ve spoken to DD and she won’t do it again”

Since when is sharing being ‘in the wrong’? Unless of course this 7 yr old was sharing a joint or a syringe of heroin!

Do you not teach your children that it’s kind to share?

Foxglovesandlilacs · 04/04/2021 09:40

Oh that is so sad Sad poor kid, and his family Sad And must be awful for the kid who has to live knowing that it was their fault too.

NoGoodPunsLeft · 04/04/2021 09:56

I'd be miffed if my Tyrell's got eaten too OP, they're delicious misses point of thread

WestendVBroadway · 04/04/2021 10:13

With the greatest respect to @MintyMabel , are you the other parent?Wink. When my DD was still at primary school she had loads of friends around for play dates or dinner. Unless the parent had specifically told me about allergies etc( she had a Muslim friend so we obviously avoided pork etc) I would offer them any snacks that my child was having. I would hardly let my DD have a drink and biscuit/ cake / crisps and tell the other child they couldn't have anything as I didn't know if they were allowed to have it.

Bbq1 · 04/04/2021 10:20

@SuperintendentHastings

I'm actually not a fan of children being made to feel everything they have with other children. Do you share your snacks at work with your colleagues?

Um .. yes. Don't you? Grin

One of us will take cakes is sometimes or pick up a chocolate bar for each of us, so yes. Not the same though is really, come on. My ds used to play out when he was younger and I would give any his friends from the street crisps, choc, drinks etc if my ds was having them. We had a shop in the road and I would sometimes give my my ds and the others some money to spend their spend their. His friends parents did the same thing.
itsgettingwierd · 04/04/2021 11:52

@SeaShoreGalore

Nobody's allergic to crisps!
Although I'm a fan of children sharing and those with allergies learning to say no (my ds had severe allergic reactions as a child) - that is actually wrong.

Many crisps contain wheat, milk and soya which can cause anaphylaxis in those allergic to those ingredients.

GreyhoundG1rl · 04/04/2021 12:27

If a 10 year old was allergic to crisps they’d be very well aware of the fact.

Lollypop701 · 04/04/2021 12:28

The allergy is a red herring IMO. My child is severely allergic... so when he was younger I kept an eye on him. At 10 he was old enough to know he couldn’t just eat something without checking the ingredients. If you don’t want your child to eat something then as a parent you either watch them, or make sure they know what’s expected. My son would have asked if it was ok, I would have said yes after checking. If you ban a kid from treats, it won’t work once they are out of sight..... and it’s not up to someone else to parent your child

Keepmekeeping · 04/04/2021 12:30

Tell him to teach his kid not to accept food from other people 10 is old enough to know the rules. It's not up to your daughter to make sure his son follows his rules.

Original poster
Eastie77 · 04/04/2021 13:31

Bumped into the mum at the Easter Egg hunt. Dad was not there (I think they are separated or divorced and it seems the DS resides with dad as she said DS will be "with her" for part of Easter). I jokingly mentioned Crispgate and she rolled her eyes and said the dad can be OTT. She did say they have had issues with their DS not eating his meals and they are not sure if it is due to over snacking but unlike the dad she didn't in any way imply DD was to blame or I should be monitoring.

OP posts:
Oldraver · 04/04/2021 13:47

Just a quick one twat neighbour, as you son knows he isnt allowed to snack between meals you need to remind him not to grasp at the first crisps going

PS, a handful of crisps would not stop him eating his dinner

How dare he try and make it your responsibilty to police his silly rules

lborgia · 04/04/2021 14:01

Maybe the child is having trouble eating at meal times because his father is providing a halo of tension around food related moments.....

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 04/04/2021 15:04

Hi, I'm afraid I don't have time to be monitoring what the other kids eat, you will need to be watching your own child if he cannot be trusted. Happy Easter.

Aria999 · 04/04/2021 15:35

Or, he could keep an eye on his own child to ensure he doesn't eat anything...

busymomtoone · 04/04/2021 17:28

Your daughter was being kind and this parent sounds very controlling - at 10 it is a child’s responsibility to turn down a snack if not supposed to have it - and if the child can’t be trusted to do that then the monitoring needs to come from your neighbour. Frankly I’d be tempted ( but would possibly resist) to message back “ so sorry, but we have a very relaxed and healthy relationship with food here , can’t promise my daughter will stop sharing so you might need to monitor if a huge issue”. Yes your daughter does need to ( gently) be reminded that others might have allergies etc - but this isn’t a toddler.

ElvinBoys · 04/04/2021 17:31

That would be fine and well if they were 5, but at 10 I’d expect them to know themselves what they are and aren’t allowed. Her issue should be with her own son for eating between meals if he knows he’s not allowed to. People baby kids for far too long, does she intend to go to High School with him next year to ensure he doesn’t eat between meals then too, how ridiculous!

Joyjoj · 04/04/2021 17:31

A 10 year old knows Parents rules to what they can or cannot have, easy to blame someone else,all he had to do was day no!

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