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Your day will never be as awesome as Orlando Blooms

217 replies

Respectmyauthoritah · 21/03/2021 21:24

I swear I actually HEARD my eyes rolling into the back of my head after the first paragraph.

Your day will never be as awesome as Orlando Blooms
OP posts:
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SaborDeSoledad · 22/03/2021 10:05

I loved that one. I'm sure I read that her diet as described in the article would have cost hundreds of pounds per day. So joyless!

LizzieSiddal · 22/03/2021 10:06

Poor Katy.

First Russell then this twit, she needs an intervention.

SaborDeSoledad · 22/03/2021 10:06

That last comment was in response to @Mulletsaremisunderstood...

Spudlet · 22/03/2021 10:08

I read that woman’s diet thing and now I feel hungry... not for what she was having, but more in sympathy. There seemed to be so little actual food in there...?!

TangerineCandyfloss · 22/03/2021 10:12

@Spudlet, hang on, don't you view activated cashews as a meal?!

Doingitaloneandproud · 22/03/2021 10:13

I used to find him so attractive, after that its definitely gone 😂

MissingLinker · 22/03/2021 10:19

This reads like the start of American Psycho.

Bythemillpond · 22/03/2021 10:23

Just read what activated cashews are.

It’s just soaking your nuts in salt water then leaving them to dry
I do this and didn’t even know it was a thing.

I think when you look up what half this stuff is it is quite ordinary

I think I would fit into LA quite easily
I check my fit bit and soak my nuts

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/03/2021 10:24

Years ago, but I saw such a brilliant cartoon strip (Posy Simmonds) about an everyday sort of mum reading in a mag about some beautiful celeb-type mother’s perfectly beautiful life and perfectly beautiful children. Ended with everyday mum screwing the mag up and binning it - her face was a picture - as Beautiful Perfect mother handed Perfect Children back to Perfect Nanny.
Don’t we all know the feeling? 😂

It was in a book of Posy Simmonds’ cartoons - must dig it out again, could do with a laugh.

JosephineBaker · 22/03/2021 10:30

He's so far up himself he could give himself a colonoscopy.

Does Katy Perry need rescuing?

Spudbyanyothername · 22/03/2021 10:32

Amazing, gets a bit of Lego in the day too.

TangerineCandyfloss · 22/03/2021 10:34

@MissingLinker, yes, I saw that in The Poke.

YouLando · 22/03/2021 10:35

@MissingLinker

This reads like the start of American Psycho.
MissingLinker 😂😂 that's made my day
justanotherneighinparadise · 22/03/2021 10:36

@Mulletsaremisunderstood

He seems to have disappeared up his own ar$ehole. The long list of weird ingredients reminds me another thing I read a few years ago. I think it must be an LA thing to have lots of green powders and smoothies and very little actual food that you chew. Most of the stuff she mentions I've never heard of -

www.elle.com/beauty/health-fitness/a28600/amanda-chantal-bacon-moon-juice-food-diary/

"I usually wake up at 6:30am, and start with some Kundalini meditation and a 23-minute breath set—along with a copper cup of silver needle and calendula tea—before my son Rohan wakes."

"At 8am, I had a warm, morning chi drink on my way to the school drop off, drunk in the car! It contains more than 25 grams of plant protein, thanks to vanilla mushroom protein and stone ground almond butter, and also has the super endocrine, brain, immunity, and libido- boosting powers of Brain Dust, cordyceps, reishi, maca, and Shilajit resin. I throw ho shou wu and pearl in as part of my beauty regime. I chase it with three quinton shots for mineralization and two lipospheric vitamin B-complex packets for energy."

"At 9:30am, I drink 16 ounces of unsweetened, strong green juice, which is my alkalizer, hydrator, energizer, source of protein and calcium, and overall mood balancer. It's also my easy, 'lazy,' and delicious skin regime. I also take three tablespoons of bee pollen. I love Moon Juice's soft and chewy bee pollen—it's a creamy, candy-like treat that gives me my daily B-vitamin blast, and also helps feed my skin and aids hormone production. I'll also grab a handful of activated cashews. I try to get these in every day for their brain chemistry magic. I chase this with a shot of pressed turmeric root in freshly squeezed grapefruit juice."

She goes on and on...her whole day is punctuated with micro meals with ridiculous ingredients - activated cashews, sprouted brown rice protein...

I wonder if these people ever secretly binge on a big greasy burger and never tell anyone.

Grin
willibald · 22/03/2021 10:39

They all act like they're the first ones to procreate, fall in love, etc. Harry is the worst for it. Corny AF. California's nice but you'd have to pay me to live there.

willibald · 22/03/2021 10:40

Fortunately, for some reason, people pay a king's ransom to live there.

lovemenomore · 22/03/2021 10:41

"I check my readiness for the day..."

I check mine by seeing if I am alive or not.

Knob.

CallmeHendricks · 22/03/2021 10:47

""I check my readiness for the day..."

Isn't that called getting dressed and looking in the mirror on your way out the door to see if your skirt is caught in your knickers? Or, in his case, that your flies are done up?

EvilOnion · 22/03/2021 10:49

I want to know what he does if his "readiness" is running low?!

justanotherneighinparadise · 22/03/2021 10:49

Even Katy Perry doesn’t seem like she likes him that much to be fair. There was a video of him video bombing her at home when she was doing a live and her body language was amazing! I’ve looked at shit on my shoe more kindly.

Grimbelina · 22/03/2021 10:54

The irony of being called Bacon... the same woman:

www.nytimes.com/2017/05/25/magazine/how-amanda-chantal-bacon-perfected-the-celebrity-wellness-business.html

littleredberries · 22/03/2021 11:03

His career nosedived because he was a diva and now he needs Lego to feel like he's achieving again. Wow
Yes he married another narcissist didn't he?

katnyps · 22/03/2021 11:15

Amazing haha, go Orlando. I never had a crush on him - was more the Viggo Mortensen or Johnny Depp type... but he sounds kind of like my other half!

Respectmyauthoritah · 22/03/2021 11:24

@EvilOnion

I want to know what he does if his "readiness" is running low?!
That's when the activated cashews come out. Or extra brain oil.
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Solongtoshort · 22/03/2021 11:28

Omg this thread is so funny, we are having our bathroom done and l just had to knock on the neighbours door to use her toilet because l laughed too much.

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