Your day will never be as awesome as Orlando Blooms

[Respectmyauthoritah]

I swear I actually HEARD my eyes rolling into the back of my head after the first paragraph.

He’s the male version of Gwyneth Paltrow.

Sure he's a lovely chap.

Bit really thinks he's doing his partner a favour by going a cooing at the baby for a bit. The fucking off out before breakfast for a "hike", and coming back at 9?

Sounds like he gets up early anyway,and then make out he's doing the woman folk a favour...

Thanks for posting these, I’ve just read them out to my 13 yo DD and I haven’t heard her laugh so much since before lockdown.

Oh, Legolas, you are such a disappointment.

This is a less monied version of how I imagine my life would have ended up if I’d stayed with the boyfriend before DH.

I wonder if he accidentally pissed off Hannah Swerling (journalist) and the article was her revenge?

He has a deal with Amazon. That sums it up for me.

@PuppyMonkey no wonder your 13 year old DD was amused, no doubtless a roar of laughter and a noise louder than a firework.

I like the analogy with Gwyneth Paltrow, though I have consciously uncoupled myself from reading any of her recent utterings.

I read that yesterday and debated with DH whether it was a piss take. Surely, however long they’ve spent in California, no bloke from Kent could write that with a straight face?

I realise Russell Brand isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but at least the man could have an intelligent conversation. Imagine going from that to this.

I didn't know babies just lay awake cooing in anything other than a fairytale

DS1 did. The others, not so much.

The naked wake boarding photograph tells you all you need to know about him!!

@BigGreen

The Tom Hollander day in the life was the best one ever!

have you got a link?

@CheekyWeeShite that was my first thought too!

[quote EmmaGrundyForPM]@CheekyWeeShite that was my first thought too![/quote]
Someone put Tom Hollander's one earlier in the thread.
I think it might have been page 2?

How does Katy Perry put up with this shit?
This man is a tool of the highest order and is definitely away with the fairies

@CheekyWeeShite

I realise Russell Brand isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but at least the man could have an intelligent conversation. Imagine going from that to this.

Exactly

@PowerslidePanda

I've never seen this column before - can anyone who regularly reads it comment on what it's normally like? Orlando's was entertaining for all the wrong reasons, but surely the "normal" ones must be pretty dull? Got up, got dressed, ate breakfast etc - do these celebrities really do anything that's all that different to the rest of us?

Its normally a sales plug but always fairly shameless wankery more fitting for Pseud's Corner or Luvvies

I can't believe their daughter's name is Daisy Bloom. After reading that twaddle yes I can.

He has a deal with Amazon
Picking or packing?
It's glorious and I hope it's all true - I don't want to live in a world where Orlando Bloom spends his days peeling potatoes, hosing down the bins and grating his feet

But what does he actually DO all day? He spends ages talking about his breakfast and his hike etc, then glosses over 9am-5pm. Is that because he just pisses around building Lego and doesn’t actually do anything?

[quote FaintlyMacabre]This is hilarious.

twitter.com/MrMichaelSpicer/status/1373639559066611712?s=20[/quote]
That is wonderful thanks for the link.

My favourite response from the Twitterati is “ he is one step away from a Paltrow candle”

@purpleme12. thanks, I've just found it.

The Tom Hollander piece is really funny. He obviously has a great sense of humour. I did wonder if Orlando's was supposed to be tongue in cheek but if it was, it wasn't outrageous enough. I fear he is earnest and really is a pretentious wanker.....

I was also wondering what sort of 'hike' it is if you've finished by 9am, especially if you have to fit in the eye gazing and shit as well

Tom Hollander's is brilliant... a pathos filled insight into the life of the resting actor
also rather like my life now school's back and I'm still between jobs

@groundcontroltomontydon

I'm 90% plant based Clearly that includes everything from the neck up

Genius

This thread is hilarious