Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Your day will never be as awesome as Orlando Blooms

217 replies

Respectmyauthoritah · 21/03/2021 21:24

I swear I actually HEARD my eyes rolling into the back of my head after the first paragraph.

Your day will never be as awesome as Orlando Blooms
OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Parkandride · 22/03/2021 08:36

I imagine his "hike" is LA speak for walking the dog

viques · 22/03/2021 08:38

I was a bit concerned to read that he is still giving the world the benefit of the doubt about his (cough) physique. Weren’t the nudie board surfing pictures enough? Did we really need to know that he has now also abandoned track suit bottoms ?

Grin
Whatcolourisyourwednesday · 22/03/2021 08:42

“I imagine his "hike" is LA speak for walking the dog”

That may be a California thing to be fair.....

Trethew · 22/03/2021 08:46

Nauseating

Mycatismadeofstringcheese · 22/03/2021 08:49

If Private Eye printed this word for word in their parody diary section, I’d think it was over the top.

AColdDuncanGoodhew · 22/03/2021 08:51

Oh Orlando, i’ve been doing all of this since I was in the womb. Do keep up.

ancientgran · 22/03/2021 08:54

@doadeer

Hahaha

What a scene of domestic bliss. I didn't know babies just lay awake cooing in anything other than a fairytale

I have 4, one started the day lying in her cot cooing and watching her hands. It was lovely to go in an pick up this happy smiling baby. Her brothers were demons, I was once greeted by being hit with a flying shoe thrown by a screaming little monster.

I reckon she was my reward for putting up with her siblings.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 22/03/2021 09:08

To be fair, DS2 was a very sunny baby who would lie in his cot cooing. But even he would have drawn the line at me ignoring him in favour of 20 minutes of Buddhist chanting.

Lordamighty · 22/03/2021 09:15

C’mon people leave Orlando alone, he needs space to dream 🤣

Girlmama3 · 22/03/2021 09:16

Eye gazing 😂😂😂

Jumpalicious · 22/03/2021 09:21

@groundcontroltomontydon

I'm 90% plant based Clearly that includes everything from the neck up
Lol
Angliski · 22/03/2021 09:24

@groundcontroltomontydon officially my new best friend. I shall start mumsnet stalking you for similar rapier with moments to brighten up my Monday’s! Thank you 🙏

groundcontroltomontydon · 22/03/2021 09:24

But what does he actually DO all day?
Lego, trouserless zooming, being mostly plant based (except for the meat), doing the chanting, being the master of his own mind (that one's probably a quick win), something about trains, checking his sleep app to see if he's tired or not ... honestly I'm surprised he has the energy to lift any weights, never mind the heavy ones

Respectmyauthoritah · 22/03/2021 09:25

I have a mental picture of Orlando staring intensely at his baby chanting "Daddy loves his Daisy Dove, Daddy loves his Daisy Dove" over and over until the poor thing is traumatised for life.

OP posts:
Respectmyauthoritah · 22/03/2021 09:32

Also, wtf is brain oil? Sounds illegal.

OP posts:
derxa · 22/03/2021 09:35

He needs a day mucking out my lamb pens and feeding sheep to knock the corners off him.

groundcontroltomontydon · 22/03/2021 09:38

wtf is brain oil
It sounds like something you'd visit the Wizard of Oz for

TangerineCandyfloss · 22/03/2021 09:38

Haha this really has made me laugh. I heard about it briefly, but hadn't given myself the pleasure of the entire article.

I remember reading a similar article last year written by a woman, can't remember her name, but it was actually worse than the Orlando one!

I think she said that when she was feeling really naughty and in need of a sweet 'treat', she'd munch on some raw cacao nibs 🤢 I think she also allowed herself a bi monthly raisen.

Mulletsaremisunderstood · 22/03/2021 09:42

He seems to have disappeared up his own ar$ehole. The long list of weird ingredients reminds me another thing I read a few years ago.
I think it must be an LA thing to have lots of green powders and smoothies and very little actual food that you chew. Most of the stuff she mentions I've never heard of -

www.elle.com/beauty/health-fitness/a28600/amanda-chantal-bacon-moon-juice-food-diary/

"I usually wake up at 6:30am, and start with some Kundalini meditation and a 23-minute breath set—along with a copper cup of silver needle and calendula tea—before my son Rohan wakes."

"At 8am, I had a warm, morning chi drink on my way to the school drop off, drunk in the car! It contains more than 25 grams of plant protein, thanks to vanilla mushroom protein and stone ground almond butter, and also has the super endocrine, brain, immunity, and libido- boosting powers of Brain Dust, cordyceps, reishi, maca, and Shilajit resin. I throw ho shou wu and pearl in as part of my beauty regime. I chase it with three quinton shots for mineralization and two lipospheric vitamin B-complex packets for energy."

"At 9:30am, I drink 16 ounces of unsweetened, strong green juice, which is my alkalizer, hydrator, energizer, source of protein and calcium, and overall mood balancer. It's also my easy, 'lazy,' and delicious skin regime. I also take three tablespoons of bee pollen. I love Moon Juice's soft and chewy bee pollen—it's a creamy, candy-like treat that gives me my daily B-vitamin blast, and also helps feed my skin and aids hormone production. I'll also grab a handful of activated cashews. I try to get these in every day for their brain chemistry magic. I chase this with a shot of pressed turmeric root in freshly squeezed grapefruit juice."

She goes on and on...her whole day is punctuated with micro meals with ridiculous ingredients - activated cashews, sprouted brown rice protein...

I wonder if these people ever secretly binge on a big greasy burger and never tell anyone.

Norwaydidnthappen · 22/03/2021 09:47

DH has never got over him being cast as Legolas in LOTR.

My DH feels the same way Grin.

He honestly just sounds like a ginormous twat. Absolutely love the fact he requires an app to tell him whether he slept well or not, classic. Favourite quote is ‘it’s all a bit LA’, yeah LA LA land Orlando.

sansucre · 22/03/2021 09:47

Tbh, I thought this was pretty restrained for LA, particularly given Amanda Chantal Bacon's food diary.

Thank you to @Mulletsaremisunderstood for sharing that gem and saving me from having to google it!

Spudlet · 22/03/2021 09:51

Oh, mate 😬

🤣

Crowsaregreat · 22/03/2021 10:03

There are so many invisible servants in this day in the life.

I'd love to read one that mentions all the women who clean, cook, shop, do childcare, act as secretary, etc to make this kind of 'ten minutes with a cooing baby then fanny about all day then 8 hours of sleep despite having a TINY BABY' lifestyle possible.

TwoDrifters2 · 22/03/2021 10:04

Hmm… So he’s up at half 6 but says “I try to be in bed by 11, if I get 8 hours I’m happy…”
I think I can see a problem Hmm

TangerineCandyfloss · 22/03/2021 10:05

@Mulletsaremisunderstood, that's her! Grin