Your day will never be as awesome as Orlando Blooms

[Respectmyauthoritah]

I swear I actually HEARD my eyes rolling into the back of my head after the first paragraph.

Got to be an in joke piss take.

Russell brand must be howling.

“Cooing in Her cot”
She probably thinking Christ my Dad is an affected twerp

“Katie needs her sleep”
She’s probably just bored to fuck with your navel gazing

Gosh really into his elfy living, ain't he.

Sound the arsehole klaxon!

That video from Twitter is so funny. Read this today and thought TWAT

What a tool. Poor Katy Perry.

He comes across as boring...Katy Perry has a thing for weird self absorbed idiots though

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I love those columns but Orlando's takes the biscuits Tom Hollanders was another cracker

To think I used to fancy the pants off Orlando Bloom

So where is the baby that he's trying so hard to connect with for the rest of the day? He gazed into her eyes for a few minutes and that's his parenting done for the day?

I've never seen this column before - can anyone who regularly reads it comment on what it's normally like? Orlando's was entertaining for all the wrong reasons, but surely the "normal" ones must be pretty dull? Got up, got dressed, ate breakfast etc - do these celebrities really do anything that's all that different to the rest of us?

@groundcontroltomontydon

I'm 90% plant based Clearly that includes everything from the neck up

I’m sure I saw a similarly toe curling ‘my life’ from home recently.

Read that Tom Hollander one that someone posted, brilliant!

@PowerslidePanda

I've never seen this column before - can anyone who regularly reads it comment on what it's normally like? Orlando's was entertaining for all the wrong reasons, but surely the "normal" ones must be pretty dull? Got up, got dressed, ate breakfast etc - do these celebrities really do anything that's all that different to the rest of us?

They're normally a shameless plug for whatever they're flogging

So chefs will concentrate on the food they'll eat or the washed up rockstar will focus on how clean they're life is now

I never thought I would see a day when Orlando Bloom would make my vagina dryer than the Sahara, but here we are. 🤷‍♀️

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

What utter wankery.
My eyes cannot roll far enough back in my head.

I'm actually embarrassed for him

I gotas far as Crapricorn Buddhist and gave up.

How the hell do you look at yourself in the mirror spouting such shite?

That Tom Hollander one can't be serious surely? Please tell me he was taking the piss??

Tom Hollander was taking the piss.

Orlando is too plant based to even try and take the piss.

Christing Christ. The baby is probably cooing quietly in her cot because she knows if she cries then he’ll come and talk this wanky bollocks at her.

Do you think celebrities are collectively trolling us? Do they have a WhatsApp group where they discuss these Day in the Life’s?

“Tell you what Sting, when you do yours, tell them you’re working on a macrame sex swing as a meditative practice. Not to have sex in, but to just appreciate for the sexual POTENTIAL”

“Sure sure. But Tom, you do yours with a tone that’s like PROPERLY satirical, but actually is 100% word for word your day, so it throws them off. Sx ”

“Good one! Hey Orlando, when it’s your go, I think you should channel Gillian McKeith, Jennifer Aniston and maybe throw in a bit of like, Tom Cruise style sentiment. Tell them you like to do.... ear-to-the-ground listening with Katy, so you FEEL the vibrations of what she’s saying deep in your bones. Ohhh! EYE GAZING. Tell them you eye gaze with your cats or something.”

I hope that’s it. Otherwise the only person left to fancy is Tom Hollander. And whilst that’s fine, my inner 16 year old is hugely disappointed.

I thought Tom Hollander was Loki?

I’ve met him a few times as he’s really close to a friend of mine. To be fair to him he is incredibly down to earth and a genuinely lovely bloke considering his fame and wealth. I guess he’s trying out some kind of Californian mindful parenting techniques.

@EmmaGrundyForPM

He was also the star turn in The Guardian magazine this weekend, where he also came across as a pretentious wanker.

Yes. He was asked for his happiest moment and said it was getting the LOTR film. He has 2 kids and a fiancé, did they not figure?

I think he’s taking the piss.

It's 'funny' to us common folk who haven't got time to appreciate the beautiful cows and gaze at our babies etc but he's a multi millionaire, he's happy, living a healthy life, he's a positive person... many celebrities squander their money on drugs etc... anyway as far gone from the real world as he sounds, I'd rather be with someone like him than the coercive, selfish fuckbags we hear so much about on mn...