The ‘phenomenon’ of younger men approaching older women in the street. Is this an organised scam and what do they want?

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I am 47 years old, married with 4 DC. In recent weeks (this is on Fulham Road), I’ve been approached on two separate occasions by two men who are both maybe early 30s and both have the same kind of “patter” (if you can call it that). There was also another one this morning, who I didn’t engage with at all because I suspected the same thing. They ask you “Excuse me, do you live round here?” So you stop because you think they need directions, etc. At this point, they tell you they have just moved to the area from another (nearby) part of London and they ask you again if you are local. They are British with British accents. They say something about how they want to meet people and would you like to go for coffee / lunch with them there and then . They are reasonably good-looking men by average standards and would not strike you as odd if you walked past them in the street. A similar thing has also happened to a friend last week.

I’m sure this is some kind of scam, but I wonder what it is they actually want? Are they just trying to get a free lunch? Are they expecting you to take them to your home and then they will rob you or worse? (They are very interested in whether you are local). What do they actually think is going to happen and why would they think an older woman would be interested in someone their age?

Has anyone else experienced this?

@MsTSwift

How weird. I thought youth now went on apps for no strings sex with each other ? Why is all this real life hassling of innocent randoms buying groceries necessary?

I think a lot of men have at last worked out that theres not a lot of women who want no strings sex with strangers after a short chat on the internet. TikTok is full of videos where women replay their online dating chats with men and block them for asking for sex or naked pics, etc..

So they are trying other mediums. I've been plagued with random men (based locally) sending me pms on FB, as have many of my friends, recently.

I tell them to fuck off on there too.

@ginghamtablecloths

"I have an urgent appointment at the police station."

If it wasn't rough here, I would do

Do you live round here - no

What are you here for - just checking the body's where I left it.

@orangenasturtium

It was bad enough when they'd get in the way at rush hour, TCR station, asking "are you happy?"

The scientologists once set up a mobile personality testing centre on Edgware Road. It was bizarre. Five chairs and five auditors lined up on the pavement with a queue of niqab wearing ladies from the Gulf waiting for their free personality test, oblivious to the fact that it was a ruse to get them to join a space alien cult and part with large amounts of cash.

When you see a queue, I just assume they are part of the act.

@kwiksavenofrillsusername

Day Bang - hahahaha. They could have at least given it a nicer title. I don’t think I know a single woman who’d shag a random bloke off the street just because he said some magic words.

The guy who wrote most of the PUA books is now super religious and thinks sex outside of marriage is a sin. So no more day bangs for him.

It would be good to believe that he was ‘converted’ by a woman he approached in the street!

@GreenlandTheMovie

There's so much power in those two little words isnt there

If you mean Roosh V, I think his new schtick is the only route he could take. I bet he'd still shag anything that moves if it would shag him.

He's just marketing to the same crew who want women kept in their "place".

@Stillfunny

Sciencetologists used this method too. Then asked you to take a Personality Test. Happened to me once in my 20s . Told them I was an Irish Catholic and they scarpered.

I did that test, when I was about 20-ish. Part way through, I thought to myself 'Hello, what's going on here?' and I finished it and left fairly quickly. I had a train to catch anyway and promptly forgot all about it.

There were posters on the walls advertising a book, and not long ago I remembered the name of the author, so I looked him up on Google. Oh - him.

The Louis Theroux documentary on Scientology is bloody brilliant.

"I did that test, when I was about 20-ish. Part way through, I thought to myself 'Hello, what's going on here?' and I finished it and left fairly quickly. I had a train to catch anyway and promptly forgot all about it."

I did it too and got really angry half way through. They were trying to get you to say you were really sand and vulnerable, etc. I tried to go into the waiting room to warn other people, but things got quite nasty with a very respectable-looking young woman almost physically pushing me out.

@Gwenhwyfar

"I did that test, when I was about 20-ish. Part way through, I thought to myself 'Hello, what's going on here?' and I finished it and left fairly quickly. I had a train to catch anyway and promptly forgot all about it."

I did it too and got really angry half way through. They were trying to get you to say you were really sand and vulnerable, etc. I tried to go into the waiting room to warn other people, but things got quite nasty with a very respectable-looking young woman almost physically pushing me out.

How did they get people to do a test?

This happened to me four times over the course of a few months. I couldn't understand it until I saw the PUA documentary on tv. The guys that approached me didn't seem overly confident and I didn't think scammers. I think I was "coursework practice". Lines were eg I just wanted to say how beautiful you're looking today etc. The most intrusive was someone saying a dress would look good on me in a shop

"How did they get people to do a test?"

They stop you in the street like they're doing a survey. To be honest, I think they may be spotting people who look a bit bored and lonely, which was definitely me that day.

And they don't introduce themselves as Scientologists of course.

@Gwenhwyfar

"How did they get people to do a test?"

They stop you in the street like they're doing a survey. To be honest, I think they may be spotting people who look a bit bored and lonely, which was definitely me that day.

I run a mile from strangers on the street

I actually got pursued by a rather upset woman near TCR who was looking for the hospital, apparently everyone she asked just ran away. I think Londoners in that area have been forced to assume the worst.

For PUA’s you could stand there silently grimly into the middle distance until they run out of steam.

The scientologists and other sects use 'flirty fishing' to get you to do the personality test and get involved. They prey on people who are lonely.

@Gwenhwyfar

"How did they get people to do a test?"

They stop you in the street like they're doing a survey. To be honest, I think they may be spotting people who look a bit bored and lonely, which was definitely me that day.

Yes, I think I was told it was some sort of survey. Just off Oxford Street in London, it was, although rather a long time ago now so my memory of the location is a bit hazy. The posters and leaflets inside made me feel a bit as I was a regular church-goer at that time (more to accompany a widowed relative than for my own benefit) and it all seemed a bit 'off'. They asked me for my phone number at the end, by which time I'd decided it was all rather fishy, so I made one up.

Like I said upthread, it was years before the penny dropped

@Bouledeneige

The scientologists and other sects use 'flirty fishing' to get you to do the personality test and get involved. They prey on people who are lonely.

They weren't flirtatious with me at all, but definitely looking for lonely people. I think I really rang a bell in their heads when I said I'd just moved to the area.

A lot of people teaching "tantric bedroom skills" and the like also teach PUA stuff

This guy is really creepy and I draw the attention of readers to him only so women who want to can educate themselves about how people like him operate
(Warning - video contains offensive content NSFW at least not unless headphones on)
www.youtube.com/user/SchoolofSteveP/about

@SallyAnnWotsit

I used to get this all the time in London when older, Middle Eastern men would stop me and some blatantly would ask for sex. Side stepping anyone approaching is the only way.

I have had this too in London from older, Middle Eastern men. I am not young.

I found it absolutely disgusting and disrespectful and now I shout loudly "I am not a prostitute, leave me alone or I will call the police". It usually works. Sometimes I shout "I am married - go away or I will fetch my husband!" That does work.

Stare them hard in the face and just say 'I work for the CIA'. Then raise your eyebrows.

They'll soon fuck off.

Zombie !!!

It might have happened to me but I tend to assume anyone stopping me in certain places is a chugger, so I just say "Sorry, I'm in a hurry!" to anyone who comes up to me.

@RachAnneKirl90 resurrected a zombie. For unknown reason.

I have had this too in London from older, Middle Eastern men. I am not young.

I found it absolutely disgusting and disrespectful and now I shout loudly "I am not a prostitute, leave me alone or I will call the police". It usually works. Sometimes I shout "I am married - go away or I will fetch my husband!" That does work.

Me too. I was younger and more naive then so I was polite and friendly even though I wasn't interested in the least, because I don't like to be rude, so I shook them off as charmingly as I could.

This was before I lived in the ME for quite a few years, where I learnt that they would never approach one of the women from their own culture in such a way, and if their sister or wife were approached in such a way herself she'd be balmed for having encourage it in some way. I realised as a non-Muslim, non covered woman I viewed as 'other' and some sort of easy meat laid out on a platter for the taking, and not to be afforded any real respect.

It hasn't happened to me for years but if it happened now I would totally be shouting loudly about unwanted sexual harrassment and calling the police. And I'd urge younger women to do the same.

We've been conditioned in our culture to be flattered by that sort of attention, assuming it's gentlemanly and charming, not coarse or threatening and entitled.

Don't be fooled. These men may seem charming but their end game is still one of entitlement to your body. You are not a 'good' Muslim woman you are there to be used as they see fit and it's your own fault for being too available.