The ‘phenomenon’ of younger men approaching older women in the street. Is this an organised scam and what do they want?

[azar]

I am 47 years old, married with 4 DC. In recent weeks (this is on Fulham Road), I’ve been approached on two separate occasions by two men who are both maybe early 30s and both have the same kind of “patter” (if you can call it that). There was also another one this morning, who I didn’t engage with at all because I suspected the same thing. They ask you “Excuse me, do you live round here?” So you stop because you think they need directions, etc. At this point, they tell you they have just moved to the area from another (nearby) part of London and they ask you again if you are local. They are British with British accents. They say something about how they want to meet people and would you like to go for coffee / lunch with them there and then . They are reasonably good-looking men by average standards and would not strike you as odd if you walked past them in the street. A similar thing has also happened to a friend last week.

I’m sure this is some kind of scam, but I wonder what it is they actually want? Are they just trying to get a free lunch? Are they expecting you to take them to your home and then they will rob you or worse? (They are very interested in whether you are local). What do they actually think is going to happen and why would they think an older woman would be interested in someone their age?

Has anyone else experienced this?

'Are you local?'

Makes me think of this.

Adds PUA to the (getting very long) list of things to teach my daughter.

Fuck me, I can’t believe this is a thing?

OP - i would have been unsettled by this.

@Whetstone

It'd be a swift 'fuck off' and a quick call to the police from me.

Absolutely! I think this is creepy as hell tbh. And especially at the moment. How DARE they! OP, report to the police and, join your community FaceBook and report there too. You may well find other women have been approached/hassled too. Good luck

The ‘are you local’ line makes me wonder if they’re purposely wanting local people as they’re hoping to come back to your home. I guess these people were previously trying to pick up older (potentially monied) women in bars previously age now they’re left jumping out at you in the street. The scam is undoubtedly done sugar mummy situation or just petty theft.

Personally if it was happening a lot in my area I’d stick my headphones in and keep walking.

Thanks for the tip OP. I'm getting a few lines ready.

"F^ck off and stop hassling women in the street" is the first thing that springs to mind.

If this happened to me I think it's either ignore or just keep saying "Why (do you want to know)?" to every question or comment.

@EmpressWitchDoesntBurn

“Hi, are you local?” “Oh brilliant, there’s a thread about blokes like you on Mumsnet & everybody’s trying to work out what you’re up to. The main theory at the moment is that you’re practising pick up lines. Can you tell me so I can pass it on?”

Brilliant @EmpressWitchDoesn'tBurn !

Here you are @BarbaraofSeville:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/05/pickup-artists-teaching-men-approach-women-industry-street-harassment

I live in a similar area of London and my "record" was 3 PUAs stopping me between the tube and my home. Thankfully I am too old and unattractive now to be harrassed by them regularly. I still see them all the time though. If you walk along Oxford Street (or any of the prime touristy/shopping areas/parks in London), you see them loitering or walking and scanning women, then they will suddenly dash across the the road or do a sudden 180 degree turn and run up to a woman. If it's a class, there will be a group of them filming or watching nearby.

Pull your phone out and photograph them.
Scammers won't like that, and would likely leg it. If they don't leave at least you end up with a photo to show police.

Turn the tables. Start telling them enthusiastically about the cleansing blood of Christ and the lamb of God could come into their lives right now if they repent!

Doesn't sound abnormal for London tbh. Fuck off usually works for me.

Why are you even engaging with these men OP? This is London, just blank them. If they're persistent, give them a quick shake or your head and/or say "no". At no point do you ever stop moving. You should continue walking with purpose at all times.

My London Suspicion Filter is now so highly tuned that I'd deny living in the area even if the person asking had just knocked on my front door

I always lie when someone knocks on the door and asks if I'm the owner. I tell them I'm the dog sitter or the cleaner.
Probably just double glazing salesmen but you never know.

@BIoodyStupidJohnson

My London Suspicion Filter is now so highly tuned that I'd deny living in the area even if the person asking had just knocked on my front door

This made me smile as I'm a New Yorker and we have the same set of defenses and scam radar. I've never had a man approach me like this though.

I think the reason why I was bothered enough to post about this, is that at my age, I like to think I’ve seen it all. And if I’m honest, I’m annoyed with myself that the only way I felt I could get rid of them was to mention my husband to one if them, or make up that I was going to work (when I wasn’t) to the other one. Why didn’t I just tell them to f off? I have a son who is 17 fgs. They were strangely persistent, this is the thing. Also, it annoys me that they probably think a woman my age would be flattered enough to go off with randoms in the street! I used to work in mental health so I think I always assume mental health issues are a possibility in the first instance, which is maybe why I entertained it where other women would just tell them to F off straight away.

@azar, not RTFT.

I get it quite often. It's streetpull. They are after a shag.

I think I would phone the police TBH.I doubt that this is a new thing .I would keep on walking if possible .Dont engage at all .

Men run courses teaching other men how to pick women up, and then they go out to harrass random women to practice what they've learned?
All sorts of men are PUAs.
I could name you two musicians... but won't. They're Irish, certainly well-known there, not sure about in the UK. Both dyed-in-the-wool PUAs, both tried it on me, using exactly the same techniques, which is how I came to notice it and google. Very enlightening. Beware! I fell in love with one of them twice and the other's big smile still takes my breath away.

Looking for money and/or fuck.
Whatever they can get.
Pricks.

First week in London:

'Why yes, yes I do live locally. Are you lost? How can I help? How dreadful, and you can't get home you say?'

Six months later:

'Hey! I'M WALKIN' HERE!!'

@azar My advice is you carry on walking. You don't have to stop, just like you don't have to answer your phone or your front door to anyone unknown.

Obviously if they look injured or it's clearly an emergency, think again.

But no one should be getting within 2 mtrs of you anyway in the street, to chat.

Keep walking

I think they are hoping to encounter lonely women who will be flattered and then be willing(?) to give them money under the guise of a relationship.

I haven't experienced this specific thing but I've had some odd incidents in the last year or so. I think its men trying to pick up women in the street for sex. There are PU artist techniques devoted to this. If you use online dating, men are trying to get women to come over to their houses or go to theirs for sex, without meeting first. Some men feel increasingly entitled to NSA sex.

I've had so many men (locally based) that I don't know send me messages on FB because I "just popped up on their Facebook" (no, I didn't) or we are friends of friends. I don't know who they are, but they are obviously looking for sex.

One bad incident I did have involving a younger man was when I was running in a nearby wood. The man was letting his dog run loose on the path and the dog chased me and kept running in front of me so that I couldn't get away from it, so I asked him to put it on a lead. Cue a load of abuse, then he started filming me on his phone! I think he was actually in the woods trying to meet women and using the dog to facilitate that and I didn't respond exactly as he wanted. I didn't even bother reporting him to the police because this sort of thing (being abused/bullied by male strangers) happens so often.

I used to get this all the time in London when older, Middle Eastern men would stop me and some blatantly would ask for sex.
Side stepping anyone approaching is the only way.

“Hi, are you local?”

"No, I've never been here before in my life. Not even now. I'm a figment of your imagination."

Or even better, start talking to them about Jesus. Gets rid toute suite.

On a more serious note, I'd assume it's either men devoid of social skills PUAs or some sort of romance/finance scam. Either way I'd be reporting it to the police. Do you have a NextDoor group? I'd highlight it on there too.