The ‘phenomenon’ of younger men approaching older women in the street. Is this an organised scam and what do they want?

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I am 47 years old, married with 4 DC. In recent weeks (this is on Fulham Road), I’ve been approached on two separate occasions by two men who are both maybe early 30s and both have the same kind of “patter” (if you can call it that). There was also another one this morning, who I didn’t engage with at all because I suspected the same thing. They ask you “Excuse me, do you live round here?” So you stop because you think they need directions, etc. At this point, they tell you they have just moved to the area from another (nearby) part of London and they ask you again if you are local. They are British with British accents. They say something about how they want to meet people and would you like to go for coffee / lunch with them there and then . They are reasonably good-looking men by average standards and would not strike you as odd if you walked past them in the street. A similar thing has also happened to a friend last week.

I’m sure this is some kind of scam, but I wonder what it is they actually want? Are they just trying to get a free lunch? Are they expecting you to take them to your home and then they will rob you or worse? (They are very interested in whether you are local). What do they actually think is going to happen and why would they think an older woman would be interested in someone their age?

Has anyone else experienced this?

Fleur I'm amazed those guys would be up for reading 75,000 on that. Then more on how to "bang" her!

They'd be better off reading something that would develop an actual personality so they didn't need to harass strangers for a hookup.

Indeed. Nothing about developing a proper relationship with an adult woman. More a harrasser's charter.

Day Bang is a 201-page book that teaches you how to pick up women during the day

What a load of bollocks. Do some men really waste their money on that sort of thing? Fellas, you can have the cleverest psychological approach in the world and use all the tricks you like, but if she isn't looking for a relationship or doesn't fancy you, it ain't gonna work.

This makes for grim reading. I agree that women should be sharing tactics for how to get out of these conversations as quickly as possible.

My technique is always just to smile and say "Sorry I'm in a real rush today" and walk quickly past. If they try to walk alongside me then I'll get my phone out and ring someone and start talking to them.

I'm afraid of being too rude as I've had it backfire on me where a guy reacted really aggressively and pushed me. That was a bit scary.

My technique is always just to smile and say "Sorry I'm in a real rush today" and walk quickly past. If they try to walk alongside me then I'll get my phone out and ring someone and start talking to them

Not a criticism of you at all saga as many others have said similar, but isn't it indicative of how we have been socialised that we feel that we have to apologise and be polite to these entitled creeps who are harassing women?

Agree that there needs to be more awareness of this sort of thing, and for the authorities to make clear to men that it's not acceptable. Talks in schools and universities perhaps? Even workplaces. In my workplace we have to do endless pointless mandatory training, but this seems to be a really good issue to cover.

On a (sort of) related note, many large retailers are now promoting themselves as 'safe spaces' so if anyone feels threatened when they're out and about, they're welcome to go into a supermarket etc and be allowed to wait until they can arrange a lift, taxi, or when the bus is due or whatever. Hopefully when things get more back to normal, this can be extended to all shops, cafes, takeaways etc, not that it should be necessary of course.

Not a criticism of you at all saga as many others have said similar, but isn't it indicative of how we have been socialised that we feel that we have to apologise and be polite to these entitled creeps who are harassing women?

Yes I agree with you. I had a phase of just being rude back (e.g. giving the finger or saying "fuck off" when cat-called) but I had a few blokes react aggressively to me and it scared me a bit. Now I just do my best withering look.

Yes I agree with you. I had a phase of just being rude back (e.g. giving the finger or saying "fuck off" when cat-called) but I had a few blokes react aggressively to me and it scared me a bit. Now I just do my best withering look

Same. I actually had to go into an estate agents for refuge (pre-lockdown) in Notting Hill quite recently when a man in the street wouldn't leave me alone after I was very 'direct' with him. They were great, but I am so angry that this is still happening to me in my 50s.

Day Bang - hahahaha. They could have at least given it a nicer title. I don’t think I know a single woman who’d shag a random bloke off the street just because he said some magic words.

The guy who wrote most of the PUA books is now super religious and thinks sex outside of marriage is a sin. So no more day bangs for him.

“Day game” eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww

It’s like a sport with the how many numbers and “bait” and tactics.
Also don’t these men have jobs? They just go around trying to get sex and that’s what they do with their life?

Hmm, the last time this happened to me, I gave him a few minutes because I was curious and it turns out that he wanted to tell me the good news about the gospel and that Jesus would save me if I went to their Bible group meeting.

If they asked to walk with me, I'd panic and shout "fire" because apparently that gets more attention. i live in a rough area

Good idea

Seriously? Great suggestion but would you really have the nerve. I find "im going to say goodbye and walk away now" is clear without causing too much narcissistic injury in an unbalanced lunatic which is always a reasonable fear when approached by a randomer.

Sciencetologists used this method too. Then asked you to take a Personality Test. Happened to me once in my 20s . Told them I was an Irish Catholic and they scarpered.

I just wanted wanted say thanks to everyone who had responded to this thread, I had no idea this was a thing, and my default setting is "be nice" -- im mid 30s and live in the Midlands.
I should know better, and now I do. I watched the linked videos too and can't believe this is actaully a thing.

I'm not naive in the least - but genuinely have never seen these PUA. I can think of one altercation where I actually think I was targeted by one now... he was far too nice and interested in me. Funnily enough my partner came along and told him to fuck off.
DP and I had already had an argument that evening, so then we had another for "being rude to the nice man"

Feel like I owe DP an apology now! Lol.

But seriously, eye opener. Thank to all who have replied.

@Stillfunny

Sciencetologists used this method too. Then asked you to take a Personality Test. Happened to me once in my 20s . Told them I was an Irish Catholic and they scarpered.

No!

It was bad enough when they'd get in the way at rush hour, TCR station, asking "are you happy?"

My colleagues used to smile and say yes!

It don't know if anyone saw Magnolia but Tim Cruise played a pua/red pill "guru", the more extreme end.

And that's a pretty old film.

It's been around a long time, though probably started in America.

Tom obviously lol

I just avoid engaging with anyone approaching me in city centres i just give them a massive wide berth & tend to say loudly IM IN A HURRY, the sole exception being if they are clearly lost and genuinely just after directions.

Agree with all PP sounds like PUA.

I've watched a few interesting commentaries on YouTube on this subject there's a YouTuber called Tara Mooknee who does a few excellent videos with some really cutting sarcastic humour. Well worth a watch.

Please contact police on 101 and report. Whatever their scam is they’ll be looking for someone vulnerable to take advantage of and manipulate. This will only stop if reported. Maybe you could also warn people locally on fb or similar platforms. Local newspaper maybe 🤔

How weird. I thought youth now went on apps for no strings sex with each other ? Why is all this real life hassling of innocent randoms buying groceries necessary?

@MsTSwift

How weird. I thought youth now went on apps for no strings sex with each other ? Why is all this real life hassling of innocent randoms buying groceries necessary?

These are the guys who are angry they've not been chosen for sex I guess.

How weird. I thought youth now went on apps for no strings sex with each other ? Why is all this real life hassling of innocent randoms buying groceries necessary?

Because chances are they are filming the encounter and putting it all over YouTube as a "training" exercise.

It was bad enough when they'd get in the way at rush hour, TCR station, asking "are you happy?"

The scientologists once set up a mobile personality testing centre on Edgware Road. It was bizarre. Five chairs and five auditors lined up on the pavement with a queue of niqab wearing ladies from the Gulf waiting for their free personality test, oblivious to the fact that it was a ruse to get them to join a space alien cult and part with large amounts of cash.

"I have an urgent appointment at the police station."