If you're female and frequented rock clubs...

[whoami24601]

Can you help me? I have a theory...

With #toomanymen trending and everyone sharing stories I've been mulling over my own experiences of harassment. Whilst thinking about my time as a teenager I've realised that, although I mostly went to rock pubs and clubs, all of my bad experiences happened in 'normal' nightclubs.

I have long thought that the rock scene is much more relaxed, friendly and accepting than others, and I'd like to know if that is your experience as well? I'm interested if I'm the exception or the rule.

Thanks!

My hunch is that people go to rock clubs for the
music
booze
mosh
and if the person drinking a pint of cider next to them doing the same happens to be female, its fun
but chances are she has a boyfriend or brother somewhere in the crowd

normal nightclubs are perceived as for pulling
so a totally different scene

Never thought about it but yes.

How strange

Yes! Never thought about it before, but absolutely was the case for me too.

And it wasn't in the UK either so it's not just a British phenomenon for rock/indie venues to have felt safer for women than mainstream bars, pubs, clubs.

Oh god, you're so right! I've never thought of this, but in my years of going to rock clubs I only had one bad experience, whereas in a "normal" club I'd have several in a night.

Way to go the rock boys for being respectful!

Yup, same - only every got felt up/haraassed in townie clubs and pubs. Gigs were sometimes a bit threatening when you're stuck in a mosh pit next to wandering hands, but I used to deploy sharp elbows or a DM boot... not my fault, we were moshing!

@ListeningQuietly I mostly went to rock clubs in my teens to pull 😂 But surrounded by music and people I liked rather than the meat markets. Very sexist to assume the only women there are accessories to men, plenty of women like rock music.

Motorhead gig was the safest I've ever felt on a night out.

Never been assaulted at a festival either.

I don't think its just 'rock' clubs but more your non trendy pubs. Been to biker/rock clubs, used to go to a biker pub (not a biker), initially a bit off putting but actually fine, lots of small pubs again fine, The main pubs in town we only go to in daytime (pre covid of course) as in he evening they seem to be full of young people getting drunk and fighting (oddly enough usually the young women instigate).

In my younger days strangely enough many places would allow stag nights but not hen nights as they were too rough.

whatswith
Oh LOTS of pulling went on, but it was not assumed
it was optional
not grabby

and Yes, Motorhead at the Hammersmith Odeon was one of the most civilised gigs ever
(Hells Angels buying beer for Mohican punks)

Same experience here.

Yes this was my experience too

Rock on 🤘🏻

Yep, never felt unsafe at the skeevy rock club we went to as slightly underage teens. Often felt unsafe at the nightclub when older though.

Same here. Hadn’t occurred to me before! I loved my indie clubs in central London and never had any trouble. Lots of moshing and friendly people on the whole!
Only trouble I encountered was RnB places or in dance nightclubs.

Yep. Always felt safe in rock clubs.

Wow I'm surprised by this thread. My experience was very different, I found a lot of men in the rock scene were walking egos and treated women terribly. The main rock club up home was particularly bad as it was renowned for letting in underage girls so you'd have all these sleazy 20/ 30 something men pestering 14/ 15 year old girls. I know one guy who even went on to be convicted of violence against a partner (he was also extremely controlling) and another who fancied himself as a bit of a goth and was 'dating' several young girls at once, coercing them into self harm and all kinds of abusive shit (a small town Marylin Manson if you will) - he never got in trouble with police but I heard through the grapevine that he got a good kicking off someone's brother once.

I was also once assaulted at and followed home from a well known rock club when I was at uni.

When I was a bit older I got into the drum and bass scene and found that a lot safer (probably because of the er.. chemical influence) - but even that scene has found itself having a mini #metoo outpouring in recent years.

I can't imagine many places in the nighttime economy being free of harassment of women and girls sadly.

So many times at rock gigs/clubs I’ve been pulled up off the floor after getting trampled on in mosh pits. Usually by the biggest scariest looking guys that looked out for me the whole time and didn’t do anything untoward whatsoever- true gentlemen.
Compared to mainstream city nightclubs where I’ve been grinded against despite saying no, been randomly groped and followed about harassing me for my number..
Also psytrance clubs no problems ever

My experience too. Visited rock clubs at aged 16 tho looked much younger. Never any hassle.

The only uninvited intimate contact I experienced at a rock gig was when I was in danger of getting crushed against the front barrier when the Wildhearts were playing - a man put his arms around and either side of me from behind, braced himself against the barrier and took the weight of the entire pit against his body for the rest of the set.

The only time I didn't feel safe was at gigs where there were 'locals' around who weren't in the slightest bit interested in the music. And then they had an equally unpleasant attitude towards the guys they felt were an easy target, too.

The Rock scene has always felt far safer than others to me.

Yes, you are absolutely right.

Never an issue in rock bars or at gigs. Loads of problems in other venues.

I'm another one who didn't realise it was true until I read your post. My clubbing days were 90s and early 00s and I was into rock/metal and more hardcore dance clubs. This was from the age of 16-24ish, and always felt really safe in these places, there was a real sense of safety, and although men could be on the pull they were generally respectful when told no. Mainstream clubs were another matter, just awful. Maybe why I married a beardy guitarist type 😁 I do remember interlopers coming in, trying it on and being dicks, and being ejected. I always felt like the general pub/club had my back and any arsehole behaviour was not tolerated by bouncers. I'm really sad to hear of BAME posters above having bad experiences in places like that. I didn't ever see anything like that happen or I would have stuck my oar
in - but I wish those places had felt like a safe space for all women.

I’d never thought about it before but I agree with this. I never suffered with being harassed or followed in a rock club or at a concert like I did in a nightclub (or even just minding my business walking down the street).

Yes, it all makes sense now! My serious relationships have gone:

• indie-surfer guy
• rock-metal guy
• rock-skater guy
• indie-geekie guy

Now I know why!

@SaskiaRembrandt

Yes, that was my experience too. All the long-haired, tattooed and pierced 'weirdos' I was warned about turned out to be very nice young men. It was the Pringle jumper and sensible shoes brigade you had to watch out for.

Yes, this, absolutely!

Wow, I have never thought about it but you’re right! My on/off boyfriend for most of my teenage years was into rock music, so spent a lot of time at rock pubs/clubs/gigs etc, and even though I didn’t dress like anyone else and probably stuck out like a sore thumb I never felt anything other than really welcome, and even when my bf wasn’t around I never got any unwanted attention.