I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
   
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
   
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
   
4. Something else
   
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.
   

Feeling pretty shit

[MistyMinge2]

I couldn't leave it. Why should she get the relief of thinking you never saw it! I'd reply on the chat 'that was quick, but not quite quick enough' and let her stew.

One thing I haven't missed during this time is the school run and cliques of mum's.

I'd ignore her forever more.

[Sleepdeprived42long]

Maybe it’s just me but we all make mistakes, hopefully this is one she won’t make again. Also, accept it, people talk about other people behind their backs all the time (you have admitted doing the same in the past). While it is upsetting and unpleasant, it’s probably best to ignore and try not to let what other people say/think about you bother you. If they are not close friends or family, it is not worth the time/energy!

[fairydust11]

@ummmmbop

I'm sorry but the fact that she is a teacher at your DC school I think takes this to another level of awful. I'd go to the school and show the headteacher. And I'd ask the headteacher if this is inline with anti bullying policy!

If it was just another mum having a bitch then I'd just reply on the group and out her, but the fact that you stand a chance of seeing her regularly in her work place, and your DC's may end up in her class etc makes what she did really bad. I'm furious for you OP!

Agree with this -
You need to tell the headteacher- it is completely inappropriate. I’m a teacher and I know if I or anyone did anything like this there would definitely be an investigation. It’s absolutely disgusting bullying behaviour and the fact it’s from a staff member...I have no words.
Do not let this go! Don’t make her squirm, make her regret her bullying behaviour and out her to her employer for the bitch she has shown herself to be.

[IndecentFeminist]

Definitely don't ignore it. Taking the Mick out of something someone says is very different to this. Plus she is staff.

I would reply with the screenshot and just "Awkward..."

[Stokey]

I'm appalled that this kind of stuff goes on. It's like Mean Girls or some other high school movie.

The fact that she's a teacher pushes it over the line into inappropriate behaviour. But what outcome would you get by complaining to HT? She'll likely get given a warning but it may damage your relationship with the rest of the group.

[FourTeaFallOut]

We all make mistakes? Give over. You don't accidentally bitch about a parent in your school to the other parents in your school. You have to be a special kind of stupid for that.

[LimitIsUp]

@MedusasBadHairDay

I'd ask whether the school has an anti- bullying week planned

This!

[piefacedClique]

I like @GreenWheat’s response

[northernstars]

You have done this before so you can't really take the moral high ground. I'd send the screenshot with 'ouch' underneath. It has no emotion to it so they'll be left wondering if you've took it as a joke or you're upset or annoyed. Will put them on the back foot.

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

I would be really hurt by this. It is a compliment really but clearly wasn’t intended as such, it’s just mean and catty and childish.

Despite the fact that as a teacher she should really know better than this, I wouldn’t raise it with the school unless you want to fall out with people. She deserves it to be raised, frankly, but is it actually worth the the fall out?

I would definitely go with one of the more breezy comments that people have suggested. If you saw it, other people probably did too so I think it’s good to acknowledge you did too (otherwise other people may be gossiping behind your back not knowing if you saw it). Go with a simple comment that acknowledges she hasn’t got away with this but makes you seem unflustered and the bigger person.

I rather like @GreenWheat
’s suggestion myself.

[1AngelicFruitCake]

I’m a teacher and think you need to make her worry! I love the ‘has school got an anti- bullying policy?’ Or send her the screenshot.
Awful.

[itsgettingwierd]

Our the screenshot back in the group with a question like

"I assume this was meant for a private group?"

Then they a) know you saw it and can squirm and b) will know you've worked out they have a small private group and that all the others will also now know it.

Then disengage and ignore any comment that may follow.

And forget filters or how you usually look. It's irrelevant and also I'm really pleased for you you've had the time to colour etc. This lockdown is shit and if you've done something positive for your MH no bunch of cow bags should be trying to pull you down

[FourTeaFallOut]

Op, you'd be an idiot to take this up with her personally. This is about her professional conduct. This is for her head to deal with.

[babbaloushka]

@MedusasBadHairDay

I'd ask whether the school has an anti- bullying week planned

This, definitely.

[AlexaShutUp]

I don't think I would tell the headteacher. Her behaviour is shockingly inappropriate, but she has probably learned her lesson now.

I love @stablefeet's suggestion of asking her to send you the policy on staff use of social media!

She should be really ashamed of herself...hopefully she is.

[WaterGarden]

I wouldn't report to the school but I'd let her know I'd seen it

[PearlescentIridescent]

Ergh why are people so unkind. I am inclined to think that only someone insecure with their own appearance would make such a bitchy mean comment about someone's looks.

[babbaloushka]

Also agree with taking it to the head, this is about her professional conduct to a parent of her pupils.

[TopCatLuther]

I’m a bit torn because, as you say, we all say slightly bitchy things about people from time to time.

Two things stand out to me though: 1) as has been said, she’s a teacher - it’s massively inappropriate for her to be saying slightly bitchy things about a parent at her school to other parents at that school.

And 2) she hasn’t been mature enough to acknowledge it to you. I know she can’t be sure you’d seen it, but having fucked up that badly, she needed to grovel to you straight away. The fact she hadn’t, coupled with 1, would make me raise it with school, as it suggests she needs a reminder as to appropriate boundaries and behaviours for a professional.

[1AngelicFruitCake]

@FourTeaFallOut

We all make mistakes? Give over. You don't accidentally bitch about a parent in your school to the other parents in your school. You have to be a special kind of stupid for that.

Yes but when you are a teacher at the school it makes it worse. Would you feel confident this teacher could sort out bullying? I wouldn’t.

[TheCatWithTheFluffyTail]

the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school.

So a teacher at your child’s class is bullying a parent? I’d forward to the head and ask about their opinion on whether it’s acceptable behaviour or not.

[teentipans]

I would make it clear to everyone on the chat you'd seen it, maybe reply saying "I thought I looked good too", then ignore.

[FTMF30]

What an absolutely pathetic bitch.
I wouldn't like my DC going to a school where she is a teacher. If she can't control herself from making such an unnecessarilt nasty comment, I'd question how she behaves towards kids.

I honestly don't think you should ignore this. Bullying/bitchy behaviour shouldn't be ignored.
I would actually post the screenshot on FB with a caption of "This was sent direct to me in error about mu profile picture. I know this person in a professional capacity. Should I report this to her boss? This is classed as bullying isn't it?" That will make her sweat. You'll also, no doubt, get comments berating her for her to see.

[moreofalurker]

Why shouldn't she say something back? She obviously has something to say about u! The fact she is a teacher is disgusting for her to be speaking about other mums like this.

[teentipans]

or just reply "awkward"! 🤣🤣