I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

Tell the school, it's not professional for teachers to be discussing the appearance of parents.

I would take it to the head teaching and ask them if the anti bullying policy applies to teachers also. It's not a good look for the school a teacher to be discussing a parents looks. I wouldn't give a toss if she got in trouble for it, maybe it'd make her understand the role she as a teacher has to play in teaching children not to bully.

Also I really do feel for you, it's never nice to receive something like this.

@MedusasBadHairDay

I'd ask whether the school has an anti- bullying week planned

This - definitely!

@PearlescentIridescent

Ergh why are people so unkind. I am inclined to think that only someone insecure with their own appearance would make such a bitchy mean comment about someone's looks.

Only in the topsy turvy world of #bekind bullshit in which the aggressor becomes the victim does this make any sense. Be kind...my arse, try being good.

I agree to let he know you’ve seen it.

Is this just another thinly disguised teacher bashing post?

I've never come across a primary teacher who joins the Mums in a Whatsapp group. It would be deeply frowned upon professionally - even if she also has a DC in the school.

If it's true, then yes - speak to the school. She shouldn't blur her professional and private life in this way.

I would report it to the head teacher - totally unacceptable for a teacher to be making comments like that about a parent to other parents.

I'd post:

'Whoops - clearly you didn't mean to post it here, but probably in a smaller, select group instead!'

Its so alien to me how so many women on here have zero backbone and think the moral high ground is to ignore someones behaviour and let them get away with it to carry on doing it. Also bizarre how people are trying to guilt you into not reporting her because she might lose her job. Good. Shes not fit for her job if this is what she is doing. If she loses her job thats her own fault not ops.

Send back 'I'm not sure this was meant for me' and then move on, don't respond further,

exactly what I would do.

Plus because I am childish and petty, I would make a point of flirting with her husband on every possible occasion. Subtly, I respect my kids (and own DH) but just enough to piss her off.

@NovemberR

Is this just another thinly disguised teacher bashing post?

I've never come across a primary teacher who joins the Mums in a Whatsapp group. It would be deeply frowned upon professionally - even if she also has a DC in the school.

If it's true, then yes - speak to the school. She shouldn't blur her professional and private life in this way.

There is one in every single WhatsApp group for my children. Admittedly, they teach at different schools.

It's never nice to hear anyone talking about you in a less than positive way but realistically people will always chat about others.

This is the modern day equivalent of being overheard talking about someone, to call it bullying is ridiculous and devalues actual bullying

It's actually saying you look nice, especially if she thinks you used a filter, I wouldn't over-react, she knows you saw it and might be more circumspect in future.

If she didn't grovel & eat shit publicly then I would probably raise it with the school.

@FourTeaFallOut

We all make mistakes? Give over. You don't accidentally bitch about a parent in your school to the other parents in your school. You have to be a special kind of stupid for that.

I’ve occasionally said something negative about one parent to another parent. But...

I wouldn’t make a dig about someone else on a WhatsApp group.

I wouldn’t do it about something as childish as laughing about someone’s profile picture.

I certainly wouldn’t do it if I were a teacher at the school.

School will have set standard for staff conduct within the school community. She is probably shitting herself that you will report her bullying behaviour to the head. Either send it back to her or leave her to sweat in her own guilt. However shitty she has made you feel, please take some satisfaction in knowing she will have a terrible weekend wondering if she’s going to get a verbal warning next week.

That's a horrible thing to have sent to you, OP. I'm sorry.

I daresay that she will be dying a thousand deaths without you doing or saying anything, to be honest.

I'd go for a combination of some of the suggestions.

I'd reply saying "well that's awkward. For you. How inappropriate. Doesn't the school have an anti bullying policy? And a social media policy? I'll have to contact Head Teachers name to clarify that."

Similar thing happened to me, not about appearance, just something I’d said that they made fun of. I sent back ‘don’t think this was meant for me’ then left it. Never been close to the person again though.

Send the screen shot followed by a selfie of you hair ruffled, sticking your tongue out, middle finger up and say 'is this better?'

I would 100% be forwarding the screen shot to the head teacher and be confronting her.

Don't let these absolute bitches get away with it. What a cow. She deserves to be shown up.

I'd repost it to the main group, with her comment and a comment from you saying 'No filter, just a shit ton of make up. Shame you can't get make up for personalities so some people can get their bitchy streak fixed'

Then I'd leave the group.

Twats like her get away with their shit too often. If you're not friendly with them anyway why lie back and take it?

If she’s a teacher at your child’s school then you should report to the school. What a bitch!

I do see that ignoring this might seem the dignified approach however this behaviour is unacceptable and particularly so from a teacher who knows you in that capacity. She deserves to be held accountable for her behaviour - it would be a good life lesson for her! Perhaps just a comment along the lines that you could have sworn you were sent a photo of your face with comments on but it’s disappeared. Ask if the sender would like to offer you an explanation of why they felt this was necessary given you have don’t nothing to warrant such poor treatment. Ps I’m sure you look really lovely in your photo and some woman might feel threatened by this type of thing.

I'm sorry OP. That was a really shit thing to happen.
On the plus side, unless your DC is friendly with their child, you never have to pretend to like them again now.

Send back 'I'm not sure this was meant for me' and then move on, don't respond further, ignore any pleading messages and when you next see them, slap a big smile on your face.

This is good advice.

WhatsApp shows who has read a message so she will be aware you have seen it.

FWIW in my DC1's class, there are a number of mums who are in a 'clique'. I wonder if they do this sort of thing. I think its pathetic and would be mortified if I was the sender OR in that circle of friends knowing their in jokes are now public.