I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
   
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
   
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
   
4. Something else
   
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.
   

Feeling pretty shit

[Retrogal]

That's really, really horrible post. I can't believe people put that sort of stuff down in writing. It usually comes from a place of jealousy and insecurity in my experience

[Tweacle]

Send it back with a message saying I don't need a filter thanks. Also drop in that it's quite unprofessional of a staff member to be putting anyone down like. Finish off with a wink and a smiley face. Or failing that change your WhatsApp profile pic to one of worzel !

[Pulledamonica]

Omg @mygodimsoyoung that is epic. Do that OP.

[ShaneTheThird]

Fuck that report her to the school thats beyond unprofessional & inappropriate. That is no way for a teacher to behave especially as she is bullying and criticising a pupils parent.

[endlesswicker]

I'd take the high ground, ignore the comment completely, and make sure that you resemble that photo for at least the next fortnight when you turn up at school.

[GuessWhosBackBackAgain]

If they're sending screenshots of you to each other then they probably talk about you at other times on their private group. I'd definitely go to the Head teacher given that it was one of the school's teachers that sent it!

[redswinger]

OMG what a fuck up! 😬Sending something to the wrong group is so easily done.

[Pulledamonica]

Sorry it was @freezerbird who said the epic thing

[AnotherEmma]

@AnotherEmma

I agree with the last two posts. If she was just a parent, I'd ignore it (would be hurt though) but the fact that she's a teacher at the school makes her message pretty shocking tbh - it's so unprofessional. If teachers have children at the school and are going to be joining parent groups on social media, they need to be very careful indeed about what they say. The school might even have a social media policy for employees. If I were you I'd be tempted to send the screenshot to the head. Or send her a private message saying that you saw her message and please could she be more careful about her social media activity especially as she is a teacher at the school and not just a parent, and it doesn't look good or fill you with confidence in her professionalism.

Lots of cross posts! I was referring to EmmaGrundy and teardrop posts. Lots since then saying similar.

[Houseofvelour]

I'd report to the school. That's utterly revolting bullying behaviour.

[likeamillpond]

I admire the way you've been honest and said you have done similar in the past.
Because if this, I would cut her some slack and put it behind you.
If it makes you feel any better, usually when women criticise another womans appearance it means they're jealous.
I bet yoir new profile pic is really nice.

[AnxiousAndUnraveling]

I think you should say something, doesn’t have to be an all out war but maybe she needs to be called out for her unkind behaviour. And it wasn’t a backhanded compliment, that’s a lame excuse (although I’m sure you looked lovely) it’s a dig at your expense to make her feel better about herself for some reason. It’s her shit to own not yours so let her.

[halfwaythrough2]

Shocked some people are saying you should ignore this.

1000000% don't ignore this! Honestly you should let her know you've seen it and also speak to the head of the school! If she can send bitchy screen shots to a group full of other mums then she can easily miss bullying or think a child is being "OTT" when reporting bullying and trying to get themselves help.

I've seen it happen in many schools where the bullying isn't taken seriously,
That includes teachers as well.
Awful what a cow, she's obviously jealous in some way.
Definitely don't ignore this please for the sake of the kids she's teacher! She needs a head wobble

[FourTeaFallOut]

@ummmmbop

I'm sorry but the fact that she is a teacher at your DC school I think takes this to another level of awful. I'd go to the school and show the headteacher. And I'd ask the headteacher if this is inline with anti bullying policy!

If it was just another mum having a bitch then I'd just reply on the group and out her, but the fact that you stand a chance of seeing her regularly in her work place, and your DC's may end up in her class etc makes what she did really bad. I'm furious for you OP!

I agree with this. I'd take the screenshot and speak to the head. This is a unprofessional transgression of boundaries.

[Justkeeprollingalong]

@Newfor2021

I’d post back the screenshot to the group (so everyone can see what a cowbag she is!) then post ‘No filters needed thanks (insert twat faces name) and add a wink 😉 emoji and maybe even a 😘

😂😂😂

This is perfect, especially with the emojis.

[chocoholic2021]

@EmmaGrundyForPM

So she teaches in the school but her daughter is also a pupil? I would say that she should be very careful about where her professional boundaries lie.
If she wasn't a teacher I'd probably just let it go. But she is a teacher and needs to reflect on the appropriateness of this.

This.

[Dauphinois]

@Hidinge

'I'll take that as a compliment, thanks. #nofilter'

This!

[doadeer]

That's so mean. I hate that kind of stuff.
I would definitely let them know you saw it. That's not OK and they should feel really guilty.

[GreenWheat]

I would reply to the deletion message that will be visible in the group with "Not quite fast enough, though" Winky face. Then look her square in the eye next time you see her.

[FourTeaFallOut]

Beyond speaking to the head, I wouldn't address the issue further at all. The moment you make this into a drama is the moment this is reframed as an arguement instead of the uninitiated and unnecessary attack that it was. Speak to the head and then say nothing.

[GinAndTonicOnIt]

Wow! I'm torn with this one.

I'd just ignore it. Because I hate confrontation and would find it embarrassing.

I look like shit on the school runs and don't actually care. So a comment like this wouldn't really bother me because I don't make an effort and I know so. I look totally different when I do dress up.

However it was a bit mean of her. And totally unprofessional!

She genuinely could get into trouble if you go to the head. Think carefully, if she's a good teacher, is it worth possibly losing a good member of staff over when there's a huge national shortage of teachers. Although I think you'd be in the right to do so if you are really upset and feel so inclined.

[GuessWhosBackBackAgain]

If you do confront her about it and/or report to the head, be prepared for her and her group of pals to ignore you forever more. I had similar a few years back when I was sent a screenshot of something another mum had said about my daughter. I confronted the mum about it and she and her mates blanked me from then on.

[FourTeaFallOut]

How on earth could she be a good teacher when she has become an integrated part of a mean girls bitching clique?

[doadeer]

I have a toddler, so I'm not at this point yet, but are you judged on the school run on how you look?!! What delights I have to look forward to

[stablefeet]

"Dear X, please could you send me the school policy on staff use of social media as soon as possible. Thanks very much."