I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

I'd complain to the school, frankly.

Ouch. Poor you, OP. I look like shit on the school run and DGAF but I’d be hurt people were discussing me behind my back.

I would go with a private shot across the bows - something like “I appreciate you deleted it but I’m quite surprised particularly given you’re a teacher that you thought this was in any way appropriate. Talking behind people’s backs and commenting on appearance isn’t a great reflection on you.”

Then I’d not get into it any further other than accepting her apology graciously.

Oh Christ, hang on - she's a TEACHER??!!!!!

WTF??!!

Yup, send this to the Head, ASAP! There are VERY strict rules around SM use for teachers and this is absolutely unacceptable.

What an idiot!!!

If she’s a teacher at the school I’d be forwarding it to the head

I'd pm her with a copy and say 'Well I didn't expect that from a teacher!'

Or, get an on-line bullying poster and send that to the group.

@Tweacle

Send it back with a message saying I don't need a filter thanks. Also drop in that it's quite unprofessional of a staff member to be putting anyone down like. Finish off with a wink and a smiley face. Or failing that change your WhatsApp profile pic to one of worzel !

Change your Facebook profile to Worzel, or simply to 'Be kind'.

I'd take it to the school and make a formal complaint. She can't act like that as schools, allegedly, try to combat bullying

@MedusasBadHairDay

I'd ask whether the school has an anti- bullying week planned

Great idea!! Repost, ask this question then add, 'actually, don't bother answering - I'll ask the Head'

Bitch deserves to SQUIRM!!

Definitely let her know that you have seen it. Then move on with your head held high. She will be mortified and quite rightly so. Some people are just so petty and nasty. I have yet to see one profile photo that looks like the person when they are at the school gate.

It took some effort on her part to be so needlessly bitchy. I wouldn't ignore given the context. She definitely needs to know you've seen it.

People always recommend taking the high road like it’s great.

It’s not. It’s shit.

It lets people get away with stuff and makes a doormat of whoever chooses it.

I’m petty as fuck so I would probably send something like “Teacher Name, who do I contact about the school’s anti-bullying and social media policy?” Let her stew on it.

But maybe send the screenshot and comment “I take it this wasn’t meant for me?”

I'm a school governor, and I am upset that so many parents would apparently just let this go. Our teachers aren't allowed social media contact (including WhatsApp groups) with any parents - even the ones who do have children at the school. It implies a familiar relationship which just isn't appropriate in case they have to deal with parents on sensitive subjects.

By joining a WhatsApp group with other mums, then slagging a mum off, that also could make the mums in that group feel like they have some special relationship with the teacher that should never exist as it can be belittling and upsetting for other parents. Mocking a parent for any reason is totally unprofessional.

If she's willing to mock another mums appearance, then what else is she willing to share with that clique of mums she has on her WhatsApp? That's what I would be concerned by. Her professional boundaries

I can't believe how many people would say nothing or would spend their time trying to formulate some kind of witty gotcha retort. This is ridiculous, grow up and deal with things properly.

For my own closure, I'd have to post something to make it clear I saw it.

Lots of dignified suggestions on here. Or just something simple like "Ouch...". At the least it should make the perpetrator feel as bad as you do.

Was it sent to you or a class WhatsApp? Our school made it clear the class WhatsApp were nothing to do with them

I'd ask to speak to the head.

I’d post the screenshot back in the group. And leave it at that.

I’d send this link to David O’Dohertys song!!

Female fight club - I'd take her down goddamnit!

People like her need to be taught that this is not ok

People like her? You mean like the OP who has very honestly admitted that she too has sent stuff like this to her friends?

OP, I think you know that she is now dying of embarrassment. As others have said, it's a compliment really, so I personally would go for something along the lines of posting #awkward and then if she apologised I would accept her apology, because let's face it, if you've sent posts like that in the past then it could quite easily have been you who sent it to the wrong person/group.

Whenever your eyes meet give her a Paddington Bear stare! Don't say a word - she will probably guess.

I would send a message saying "how unprofessional of teachers to engage in things like this. Taken screenshot"

Then sit back and let her stress over the fact you may take it to the head

@FourTeaFallOut

I can't believe how many people would say nothing or would spend their time trying to formulate some kind of witty gotcha retort. This is ridiculous, grow up and deal with things properly.

What’s the proper, grown up way to deal with it?

I'd put the screenshot up as my new profile picture, but I'm petty as hell.

I’d be tempted to post something short, obscure and witty about school run preparations for Monday. ‘After the comment earlier, I’m now so pre-occupied about lippy colour for Monday I might forget DC’s book bag/pe kit’.
You need to let her clearly know you saw what she posted, and make her squirm. Many who also saw her comment will have been shocked by it and reconsider their opinions of her. Those that didn’t are not worth even thinking about.
For me a bitchy comment by someone signals that they could equally say things about me behind my back.

You absolutely need to inform the Head. They need to know that she is crossing all sorts of professional boundaries. Please pass this on. Who knows what else she is discussing in her little clique?