I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

OP a good many of us can probably take a cue from the calm, dignified way in which you've handled this. Fighting unpleasant cattiness on its own level (as I frivolously suggested upthread) is an immediate, kneejerk response which in your position might have made me feel temporarily better, but which in the end, would have made me as bad. Other parents would then simply see two mums - both teachers, making it worse - engaging in this pettiness, rather than just one.

When I posted, I hadn't seen that you were also a teacher. I don't believe that a moment's indiscretion on your colleague's part - nasty though it was - means she deserves to lose her job and I also would not have reported her to the Head. But reposting that screenshot would have opened up this possibility to anyone with access to that message, which would then likely have landed you in hot water as well as her and called the professionalism of you both into question.

This thread is an exemplar of how careful reflection is by far a better course than responding in haste to anything like this. You've achieved the best possible outcome by throwing water as opposed to petrol on the fire. You've also made me, for one, relearn a valuable lesson or two.

Kudos to you. I'm glad you posted.

Well handled OP, she's lucky you're so reasonable.

@OverweightPidgeon

You might be able to tell if it was meant for her husband or not by the reaction you get at the school gates .

Not really, because it's possible that one of the other mums on the original group that OP is in, saw it before the teacher managed to delete it.

That’s true, I didn’t think of that

I think that was a good response from the other teacher and brave of her to ring and apologise. I’m sorry you were hurt by her action. Good outcome. There are a couple of women in their forties and fifties on my Facebook who do the heavily filtered selfies and some of do make me eye roll because they really don’t look anything like the filtered versions. I know you said yours wasn’t filtered but just saying.

I’d have called to in her shoes, certainly wouldn’t want a further paper trial of incriminating evidence of my bullying behaviour.

I think you both have handled this well. You have shown great class and she has also had the guts to discuss it with you in person. I think you have both handled a horrible situation with maturity and restraint.

FWIW I choose to accept it was for her DH. I think she did a horrible thing but has dragged herself over the coals about it and it sounds like is genuinely ashamed of herself and contrite.

Hats off to you both.

I think you handled that well Op, mature, rational and dignified and a good outcome.

Well done op. I like your style.

Well done @CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend. An excellent and mature response from both sides.

I would like to add my congratulation before this thread is full.

You have dealt with this assertively, honestly, with integrity and not unkindly.

I feel I could learn much from you, and think the children you teach are lucky to have you.

Why would her husband know what you look like on the school run? Does he drop off/pick up? Not that dads don't do school runs, but as it's her place of work...

But agree, you've been really measured in your response!

Oh, bravo, OP. Brilliantly handled.

I don’t actually believe that it was meant for her husband, not a female friend; does her DH know you/what you look like well enough for him to compare school run you to FB you?

Anyway, that’s by the by. She knows you know, and you’ve being dazzlingly gracious about it.

I think there's a lesson for us all to learn from this. Why did the teacher need to message her DH about this in the first place? Perhaps everyone should learn to be less judgemental about others (and certainly not commit such comments to writing!).

Great outcome.

Grace under fire I think applies to both parties here. 💜

Nicely handled OP

Well done Op that was the best outcome. I took a lot from reading this thread and if the same thing ever happened to me hope I can handle it in a mature way as this. I to in the past have screen shot gossip to my sister (only) it's made me think twice about doing such a thing even if it's meant to be harmless.

@MrDarcysMa

Op you're a bigger person than me. Well done. However I do call bullshit on the point that it was for her DH. That's the type of message for other women not a husband.

Yip... and she was covering you in Sugar and Sprinkles to reverse the horrid thing she said about you...

either way.... glad it's resolved

To echo others on here, OP, a huge well done to you for the way you have dealt with this.

However, her explanation is pretty crap - she feels bad about herself because she has put on weight so in order to make herself feel better she drags down someone else's appearance, but, but it's totally out of character - yeah, right.

I just said I'm over it and not especially looking to make friends, I'm glad you said that OP, neither would I.

Meant to send it to her husband, hmm, okay, so her husband and her regularly engage in pulling apart the looks of people they know, do they? Sound like really lovely people.

I'm imagining my husband's reaction if I had done this, he'd wonder what kind of person he'd married and wouldn't hesitate to tell me.

Good outcome OP albeit I'd have gone in low - not very Michelle Obama of me lol

You've kept the higher ground - good she's had to sweat it out overnight, given her food for thought and not be a Butxh in the future to others

Think she was kissing your arse somewhat though ... sorry ... I'm sure you're beautiful ☺️

I don't believe it was for the husband, would he even know who you were/does he do school run? Weird thing for them to be enrolled with.

But she has apologised and it sounds genuine. That's good.

You dealt with that beautifully OP

I’m glad she’s apologised.
Do people honestly do this type of thing? Taking the time to screenshot something and then send it, then make a snidey comment.
I think she’s horrible

@IFoundMyselfInThisBar

This will definitely make her change her behaviour in future. Well done OP, well handled

Yes, she’ll double check who she’s sending messages to before she presses send. However she’s a nasty, vile cow and that will continue.

This