I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

[CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend]

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I

1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit

@CorvusPurpureus the op has sent a message and had a reply

As I said, shes jealous

Also I do believe she sent it on a day when she was feeling shit about her own appearance - people comfortable in their own skin just don't speak about others like this. Hopefully she will reflect on that herself

I don't know if it's that nasty to be honest. She's saying you look better now.

This will definitely make her change her behaviour in future. Well done OP, well handled

Yes, she’ll double check who she’s sending messages to before she presses send. However she’s a nasty, vile cow and that will continue.

Hi Op I’m pleased at the outcome. I think her calling you is appropriate but quite brave. Hopefully you can move on generally but I’d be seeing her in a slightly different light from now on.

I'm not convinced that it was for her husband but as you spoke to her and feel she was genuine, you (and we) should trust your gut and give her the benefit of the doubt.

FWIW I think she did well to call you immediately and apologise. You both handled it well and it seems it's been resolved positively. You can definitely hold your head high after that.

Well done OP.

I think that's a good outcome and you made the right choice not to go to the Head even if it would have created more entertaining drama for mumsnet readers
I think it makes it a lot better that she meant it for her husband rather than for other school mums which would have been unprofessional. I'm sure we've all occasionally said slightly critical things to our husband in the privacy of our own home. She just unfortunately put it on a mums group by accident

Well done, OP, for a gracious handling of the problem, and a good outcome.

Well done for dealing with it in such a mature way.

Seeing as there isn't another group of mums it was meant for after all, can you imagine how crazy you would have looked if you'd made pithy replies in the group, when no one would have had a clue what you were on about?!

Your instincts were very sound for not going down this road and instead finding out what actually happened before showing your hand.

It sounded believable that she isn't on a separate bitchy mums group

I think you handled this with grace and dignity.

I’ve followed this thread from the start OP. Very well handled on your part and the outcome is probably the best for all concerned.

I will add though that she is absolutely lying about sending it to her husband. She was sending it to the other people who see you on the school run. Unless that’s her husband (doubtful if she is a teacher in the school but I’m happy to be corrected on that part) then it wasn’t him she was sending it to. It was the other mums she’s friends with.

Well done OP, you've handled this situation really well.

Oh sorry - that'll teach me to RTFT! I thought I had but obviously scrolled past OP's update.

Good outcome, I think.

Well done. I hope she’s learnt an enormous lesson and you handled it really well.

Well done OP. Gracefully handled. Good outcome. ✋

Agree - well handled. Also credit to her for ringing you straight away and tackling it over a proper conversation. Whilst it doesn’t take away from the unkindness, it does seem as though she was both genuinely sorry and prepared to own her actions. Truly nasty people don’t tend to do this.

Well done op, great result all round. I'm sure you feel alot better now, to know it's not a group of bitchy mums, but intended for her husband instead.

Sounds like a great outcome.

Good to have a mature outcome that you're happy with.

Sadly the Mumsnet mob will continue to think they know the situation better that you, the person who actually had the conversation.

I suggeste above that she possibly meant ro send it to her DH, her response sounds totally believable to me

On a lighter note we can replace “cancel the cheque” with “report her to the head”

Very dignified OP, well done.

Nice ending - like this - well done, OP. And well done to teacher for owning the error and apologising. Could easily be anyone after a bad day messaging their hubby.

You might be able to tell if it was meant for her husband or not by the reaction you get at the school gates .

Well done Op.