Why am I obese?

[aapple]

Obviously, I eat more calories than I burn off. My BMI is 32. But why, what can I change?

I've done the calorie counting thing and reached a healthy weight many times before. It never sticks, and I want to make permanent lifestyle changes this time. I don't care if it takes years to reach a healthy weight, but I'd prefer if it didn't take decades.

I'm not looking to do anything that I wouldn't want the whole family doing. So no cutting out entire food groups, or fasting etc. I don't want to teach my kids those habits.

I live somewhere with little to no 'temptations' from shops and takeaways. I get my shopping delivered, pay for petrol at the pump and rarely go past any other shops. So I'm not sure it is the food environment. My weekly shopping list is all fruit, vegetables, dairy, bread, fish. A little jam, peanut butter and chocolate. Reasonably healthy I think.

I get some exercise, not a lot. I'm a stay at home parent, so rarely actually sit down between 5am and 9pm. I go for walks, at small person pace. I clean and garden. I do mum and baby pilates, and go for short runs at the weekend. I don't know where I would squeeze more exercise in really.

95% of what we eat is cooked from scratch, using whole foods. We don't have desserts often. I never drink alcohol, juice, squash. Just water and tea (no milk or sugar), maybe a coke with a meal out.

I only eat at the table, although days are hectic, so it is not always 3 meals a day. Sometimes there just isn't time for me to eat at mealtime if the kids are having a bad day. I've bought the "right" sized plates etc, to make sure I'm not having huge portions.

I guess I just eat too much. Probably too many rounds of toast and jam when I need a pick me up.

I do usually have a substantial snack when the kids are in bed. But I'm still breastfeeding my toddler through the night. I can get to sleep the first few times, but without that extra food I find I am too hungry to fall back asleep after the 3am feed.

Sorry, that's a bit long. Just musing really. Any constructive thoughts appreciated.

I'm willing to guess you're obese because your portion sizes are too big, you add too many secret calories when you're cooking and you're tired all the time from looking after your kids.

As an example, a salad can be 250 calories and full of veggies (great, healthy) or it can be 1,000 calories (which psychologically is unhelpful, because it feels like salad should be good for you, so it tastes like it's 250 calories and not 1,000 calories).

A portion of pasta can be 300 calories or again, it can be 1,000 calories. The ingredients can be healthy, but your plate might be too large.

Or possibly you're just overly generous with the oil when cooking/flavouring. These add secret calories - you can't really see them so it doesn't taste like you're eating them, and it screws with your judgement about whether you should still be hungry or not.

The longer you are awake for, the more calories you eat. There comes a point where you eat to give yourself the energy to keep going. But if you're just trying to stay awake so you can do things that don't expend very much physical energy (like sorting out the household bills), you're not going to burn off those extra calories.

Also... apart from making you exhausted and make bad decisions, your body doesn't really regulate itself properly without sleep.

I know you don't want to use MFP, but weighing and logging is the only way to understand how much you're really eating. I mean, put it this way, if you could gauge a 'normal' portion size with your eyes, you'd already be thin.

Swap the cooking oil for oil spray. You won't taste the difference, but you'll shave off potentially hundreds of calories.

Get some sleep.

The last one is actually the hardest - you may already be running as tight a ship as possible. So... what can you live without? Can you, for example, clean less often? Ditch a hobby? Enlist another adult to look after the kids sometimes whilst you just crash out?

With regards to a sustainable weight loss - you need to understand mentally why you want to lose weight, and why you gain weight. You don't need a therapist, but you do need to do some soul-searching and be brutally honest with yourself.

100% agree about bread.
In January we started getting seeded wholewheat bread delivered my milkman. Partner literally eats it all on toast and sandwiches throughout the week. No other massive change to diet and he's gained around 10lbs...in 2 months! It's been cancelled since we realised the connection. He thought he was going mad. Back to his omelettes/chicken and rice from Monday. Weird cos we figured same amount of calories but who knows?

If you feel like your weight isn't right, I would always suggest the GP for blood tests etc.

If all of that is normal, changing up the diet (trying different foods, etc) and more exercise.

Keep a log of it and if you still have issued back to the GP.

Cutting down on refined carbs is the only thing that makes a difference to me, in my 40s, stone overweight.
Cutting out bread & pasta & rice made me drop a lot.
I explained it to my kids by saying I don't need to eat as much as they do, I had got too much fat on me, I was a little bit worried about keeping healthy, so I'm changing my diet. They don't need to, so they eat ALL the toast. It's not complicated, they understand.
We did the string round the waist thing to show that I was a bit fat around the middle but everyone else was a different shape, so I'm taking action. No value judgements no tiptoeing around it, just 'I've been eating more food than I need so I'm eating less, amd more healthily too' . Don't be over-sensitive.

Could it be that your interrupted sleep is also making it harder to maintain weight loss?

There is also an interesting podcast here that helps outline some other issues with finding it difficult to loose weight: www.theguardian.com/news/audio/2021/jan/04/why-do-some-people-find-it-harder-than-others-to-lose-weight

I think firstly you need to be totally honest about what you eat, as form what you’ve said there’s no reason for you to be obese.

If that’s truly what you eat I would go to the GP and ask for a blood test to get your thyroid and other tests taken.

@OverTheRainbow88

I think firstly you need to be totally honest about what you eat, as form what you’ve said there’s no reason for you to be obese.

If that’s truly what you eat I would go to the GP and ask for a blood test to get your thyroid and other tests taken.

I think it’s a lack of honesty about portion sizes too

White bread/pasta/rice isn't good for anyone.

I'm currently carb free (ish. Fast 800) to lose weight. But the rest of the family are done with white carbs. Bolognese tonight I'm having with veg and DC with wholewheat pasta.

They don't notice mine's any different.

If it's not healthy for me then why let those I love have it daily?

Your sample day seems like hardly any food at all. I eat about 10 times that.
Are you eating high-fat things that you don't really notice, such as butter on your toast, other fat things such as mayo, creamy sauces, high-fat salad dressings? I try to limit those types of fats and allow good fats such as avocado, nuts, small amounts of olive oil etc. I eat loads of carbs, they've never been a problem for me. From what you're telling us OP, it is a mystery! Please keep a food diary, listing every little thing, it may help. Good luck OP

@aapple

Obviously, I eat more calories than I burn off. My BMI is 32. But why, what can I change?

I've done the calorie counting thing and reached a healthy weight many times before. It never sticks, and I want to make permanent lifestyle changes this time. I don't care if it takes years to reach a healthy weight, but I'd prefer if it didn't take decades.

I'm not looking to do anything that I wouldn't want the whole family doing. So no cutting out entire food groups, or fasting etc. I don't want to teach my kids those habits.

I live somewhere with little to no 'temptations' from shops and takeaways. I get my shopping delivered, pay for petrol at the pump and rarely go past any other shops. So I'm not sure it is the food environment. My weekly shopping list is all fruit, vegetables, dairy, bread, fish. A little jam, peanut butter and chocolate. Reasonably healthy I think.

I get some exercise, not a lot. I'm a stay at home parent, so rarely actually sit down between 5am and 9pm. I go for walks, at small person pace. I clean and garden. I do mum and baby pilates, and go for short runs at the weekend. I don't know where I would squeeze more exercise in really.

95% of what we eat is cooked from scratch, using whole foods. We don't have desserts often. I never drink alcohol, juice, squash. Just water and tea (no milk or sugar), maybe a coke with a meal out.

I only eat at the table, although days are hectic, so it is not always 3 meals a day. Sometimes there just isn't time for me to eat at mealtime if the kids are having a bad day. I've bought the "right" sized plates etc, to make sure I'm not having huge portions.

I guess I just eat too much. Probably too many rounds of toast and jam when I need a pick me up.

I do usually have a substantial snack when the kids are in bed. But I'm still breastfeeding my toddler through the night. I can get to sleep the first few times, but without that extra food I find I am too hungry to fall back asleep after the 3am feed.

Sorry, that's a bit long. Just musing really. Any constructive thoughts appreciated.

I am exactly The same. I took a food diary to my GP once and they basically said I was lying as it wasn’t possible. I have done MFP and it said I wasn’t eating enough but I didn’t lose weight. I have had my thyroid checked I am doing Michael Mosley 800 and am permanently bloody starving and have not lost 1 pound. I know I am doing something wrong, I don’t believe there is something special about me that means I can’t lose weight but how?

I forget to mention protein. Calorie counting can distort your perception of the values of certain food groups. Fruit and veg are great at bulking out your plate, but both protein and calcium fill you up for longer - make sure you have sufficient in your diet. Snacking on something protein rich helps control your appetite longer than a piece of fruit.
I love carbs - bread, rice, pasta anything! For me though the more I eat the more I want, and they taste so much better with fats too. Mentally control the portion sizes, put one less potato on your plate, one less slice of bread, one less spoonful of rice. It makes a tangible difference, but don’t let yourself feel deprived if you feel you really need it, have it.

Op
Tea and toast is a meal for many cut that out

I think removing sugar as far as possible is the best approach really - your appetite is instantly suppressed. I’ve just come out of a horrible carb sugar cycle and feel so much better

A caloire from Carbs is the same as a calorie from protein.

The bad bad Carbs mindset is very old school.

If you want to lose weight it is simple.

Eat a balanced diet of carbs, proteins and fats with a calorific number beloe your daily expelled calories.

I know I will get shot down for such views, but that is the only way you will lose weight - a calorific deficit.

How you acheive the deficit is up to you - fasting, smaller portions, less high calorie foods, more veg

Watch a couple of episodes of Secret Eaters on YouTube.Im not saying you eat in secret at all but that programme really shows you how it's possible to overeat when you genuinely don't think that you do.

As per the very first poster here, you woun't burn fat while you have ciculating insulin. Insulin is there to keep the fat and sugar in the cells. Lower insulin and raise glucagon and the fat is accessible.

The only way to lower insulin is to stop eating food that trigger the secretion of it. Simple sugars and most carbs release insulin.

Jason Fung and Gary Taubes explain this well.

I think sometimes I emotionally ate and didn't take full account of everything I was eating. The odd biscuit and piece of bread here and there all contain calories your body doesn't need. I am now consistently losing weight by changing by cutting down on snacking and if I do I have a low fat option.

You seem to be mentioning quite a lot of excuses/exceptions OP, sorry. I’ve lost and kept off 25kg with intermittent fasting. In your shoes I’d either do something like 16:8 or cut out all snacks and only eat meals where you’re certain of the calories. For example, for ages I ate a tin of baked beans with a boiled egg for lunch. Not my favourite but there was no doubt about the calorie content.

Best advice I ever received was to eat at least 3 meals a day and have a big glass of water before each one.
In fact water intake has made a massive difference not only to my weight and appetite but to my skin as well. It’s a really easy habit to start and it’s free.

There's lots of reasons to go low carb, but this is a big one:

Maybe I just need to be hungry. But God it's hard to be a stay at home parent and be hungry

You don't really get hunger pangs. It's still enjoyable to eat, you just don't feel like you're going to rip someone's head off if you don't eat NOW.

You don't need to go 'no carb', which is what you seem to think low carb means. Just try having less. Find a snack that isn't toast. Eat protein and fat only at your last meal of the day for a few days in a row, and see if your appetite for breakfast diminishes. Or eat protein and fat for breakfast, and watch the mid morning craving for munchies move itself back until 2pm.

Lowering your carbs may well mean that you accidentally fast for more hours, because you will be less ruled by hunger. You don't have to 'cut out whole food groups' or anything so dramatic. More brocolli, less potatoes on your plate isn't going to affect your family's diet. They might not even notice. Too busy stuffing their faces with spuds to notice what you're putting on your plate

If you need a snack, then switch the toast and jam for brown toast and peanut butter. It's lower GI and will keep you going for longer.

You're probably getting tired because your blood sugar is crashing between highs. If you even that out, you will feel a lot better, and need to snack less.

Reducing carbs is just a matter of having a slightly smaller portion of potatoes or rice etc and increasing the veg, not cutting carbs out altogether.

And this

As per the very first poster here, you woun't burn fat while you have ciculating insulin. Insulin is there to keep the fat and sugar in the cells. Lower insulin and raise glucagon and the fat is accessible

is exactly right.

I'm totally in your camp, I went from BMI 31 after my son to 24 this week, though it took a while as I have a chronic pain condition and well lockdown, I didn't want to cut out big food groups but for me the key was understanding where additional calories were coming in. More butter than I needed, too much cheese, wine, chocolate as a treat too often, same portion size as 6ft 4 partner!

Figure out your extra vices and cut those rather than family meals

Hi there
I think it is great that you are thinking of you DC and not cutting out food groups - that is really responsible and a good example to set (it is really sad to hear young children label foods as 'fattening').
I would suggest trying to have breakfast - poached eggs on toast is good or porridge.
Try and include 30 g fibre a day (lentils / legumes are great for this) as this will help to keep you satisfied as if good for overall health.
When you are eating, try to focus on the textures and flavours and being very 'present' rather than distracted.

Include plenty of fruits and vegetables - and try to make sure meals are balanced so you have a source of complex carbohydrate, protein and unsaturated fat...

try to change the toast and jam snacks for berries (frozen are affordable) / homemade popcorn / small portion of almonds.
hope this helps!

A slice of bread is about 100 calories. That's before you add butter or jam.
One lb in weight is equivalent to 3500 calories.
So if you add just one extra slice of bread per day to your normal meals, you will gain about 1lb every month.
It's insidious how it creeps up.
However, take away one slice of bread (or equivalent) per day and you will lose 12lbs per year.

Eat what you like but in kids portions, so instead of a big plate of food half the food.
Cut chocolate out replace with bananas, if you do want chocolate spread a little Nutella on the banana. Everytime you feel hungry brush your teeth, drink water ect
Cut out sugary drinks, drink water with ice cubes instead
Last dance to music as a workout, I don't mean dad dancing I mean full on waving arms about and kicking legs dancing to help burn calories, get kids involved in crazy dancing
Weight will begin to fall off you

OP I haven't read all the posts, but I'd be similar to you, though I know why I'm obese - I binge eat ice cream and crisps - it's like 'medicine' to me, it's my release. Apart from that I'm really healthy - never a takeaway, don't drink, always cook from scratch healthy meals with vegetables, dont' eat processed foods. It seems so unfair to me that 90% of the time I'm 'good' but that binging makes me obese. Now that I write that down it sounds ridiculous lol!!! I just know a lot of people eat a LOT unhealthier than me, but then I guess they always eat reasonable portions, and don't binge eat. Do you feel deprived if you cant have certain things - do you find it hard to stick to a diet mentally. That's where my problem is. I've don't it as a release from tension for so many years I don't seem to be able to change my mindset.