Why am I obese?

[aapple]

Obviously, I eat more calories than I burn off. My BMI is 32. But why, what can I change?

I've done the calorie counting thing and reached a healthy weight many times before. It never sticks, and I want to make permanent lifestyle changes this time. I don't care if it takes years to reach a healthy weight, but I'd prefer if it didn't take decades.

I'm not looking to do anything that I wouldn't want the whole family doing. So no cutting out entire food groups, or fasting etc. I don't want to teach my kids those habits.

I live somewhere with little to no 'temptations' from shops and takeaways. I get my shopping delivered, pay for petrol at the pump and rarely go past any other shops. So I'm not sure it is the food environment. My weekly shopping list is all fruit, vegetables, dairy, bread, fish. A little jam, peanut butter and chocolate. Reasonably healthy I think.

I get some exercise, not a lot. I'm a stay at home parent, so rarely actually sit down between 5am and 9pm. I go for walks, at small person pace. I clean and garden. I do mum and baby pilates, and go for short runs at the weekend. I don't know where I would squeeze more exercise in really.

95% of what we eat is cooked from scratch, using whole foods. We don't have desserts often. I never drink alcohol, juice, squash. Just water and tea (no milk or sugar), maybe a coke with a meal out.

I only eat at the table, although days are hectic, so it is not always 3 meals a day. Sometimes there just isn't time for me to eat at mealtime if the kids are having a bad day. I've bought the "right" sized plates etc, to make sure I'm not having huge portions.

I guess I just eat too much. Probably too many rounds of toast and jam when I need a pick me up.

I do usually have a substantial snack when the kids are in bed. But I'm still breastfeeding my toddler through the night. I can get to sleep the first few times, but without that extra food I find I am too hungry to fall back asleep after the 3am feed.

Sorry, that's a bit long. Just musing really. Any constructive thoughts appreciated.

How many pieces of toast are in the morning and evening snacks?

If it's 2 slices per sitting then the bread alone is probably 500 calories a day.

I would suggest listing what you eat in a day.
Personally to maintain a healthy weight I usually have:
Breakfast: Greek yogurt and berries/ overnight oats/ omelette with peppers. Maybe once a week I will have a slice of toast with scrambled egg.
Lunch: soup/ tuna or chicken salad/ chicken and roasted veg/ ratatouille.
Dinner: stir fry/ sausage casserole or curry (on its own or maybe once or twice a week with rice/potatoes)/ roast dinner (but mainly meat and veg with just one or two potatoes)/ once a week a take out but a small sensible portion (2-3 slices of pizza with salad, or a chicken kebab, or share a curry with rice)
I also have snacks of fruit once a day and then 3-4 times a week I will have a couple of squares of chocolate/ bag of popcorn/ low cal ice cream.

Thanks everyone. The comments have been kinder than expected so far. Will check back later.

The app cronometer has calorie intakes for nursing women, hope that's helpful OP.

I hear you about the obsessiveness with MFP but could you use it just for one or two days, to see the calories of your portion sizes and see if a bit of an adjustment there would help? Then maybe start with just switching the evening snack to something a little less carby? Even an apple with peanut butter might be an improvement.

As a PP said, I’d take it a bit easy on yourself for now if you’re breast feeding - especially with being a SAHP big diet changes while BF will play havoc with energy levels.

No other useful advice really but watching this thread for tips!

What you are yesterday cannot be your normal - unless you are like this 5/7 days then go absolutely mental a couple days a week.

If your calorie intake is over what your body needs you will gain weight it’s as simple as that.

Learning how to lose and maintain is complex because food is so closely linked to our emotions, our way of life, our cultural etc.

Even if you eat whole foods you will still gain weight if it’s more than what your body needs for calorie intake. 3000 calories of vegetables is still 3000 calories (although that’s a hell of a lot of vegetables but you get my point).

The method of losing weight - slimming world / carb free / high carb / whole foods etc - is irrelevant, they all do the same thing in different ways - they reduce your calorific intake.

Healthy foods still have calories and a round of toast with butter and jam is a good 350-400 calories so if you’re doing that on top of your regular food it could push you out of a calorie maintenance / deficit.
400 x 4 times a week is 1600 extra calories, that’s almost a whole extra day worth of calories in toast and jam.

I don’t know the secret to fixing our reliance on food for comfort and I don’t know how to not eat when I’m bored etc but I do know that if your calories in exceed your calories out you will never lose weight.

Probably the rounds of toast and jam are not helping especially if you are eating in the evening and not burning it off. I never have more than two slices of bread a day and preferably whole meal. I alternate for lunches between sandwiches. A tortilla wrap and soup/omelette/ or something on toast. Can you maybe have a banana or something in the evening of a yogurt if you are hungry?

I think that really understanding your body and your psychology is key to weight loss. You say you’ve been a healthy weight “many times” before, so what happened? What’s at the heart of your weight gain? I’m a comfort eater, I’m really dishonest with myself about what I eat (cheese straight from the fridge doesn’t count eh?) and I’m a terrible grazer. My DH just never learned how to eat healthily, growing up in an unhealthy household, and is prone to bingeing. I think knowing your triggers and your weaknesses (and also your strengths) can help you figure out the best way to go about losing weight and maintaining a healthy weight. It’s not easy though, good luck.

Unfortunately bread just isn't that great - many people are mildly intolerant to wheat/gluten, and yep carb heavy.

Heavily processed foods are just not "healthy" which is a good rule to follow in general.

Find a substitute for the rounds of toast??

Hey OP
You seem to have two questions in one - you're obese because you're eating too many calories for what you expend. You know you can lose weight by calorie counting. But then you say your problem is keeping it off? Tbh I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Get cracking and lose the weight, then when it's off come back here for tips on maintaining. Struggling with imagining how you'll keep it off shouldn't be a reason not to lose the weight!
Also I think if you need to cut carbs to reduce calories then don't make it a thing and your kids probably won't even notice.

I also think that you have to stick to 3 meals a day and surely the kids eat that too so why can't you eat with them?

Have you got a fitness tracker? Do you know if you are active? It's hard for you to guess if your portion size is normal unless you have a slim friend you can compare with. One thing I found very helpful with Apple watch is it sets goals when you first got your watch based on your height, weight and lifestyle. If you put active or moderate, you can then track how active you are compared to an average active or moderately active person.

I'm slim and I can easily reach the 'active' level 4 or more times a week. On the zone fitness app, I usually double the weekly 70 minutes vigourous exercise goal.

It's either food or your activity level. Find out which one is the problem and change your lifestyle accordingly?

Looking at your food diary there isn't a lot of protein which tends to fill me up and keep me for being hungry. Peanut butter is good for that but it is high in calories because of the oil/fat content. Do you eat meat, beans, pulses?

OP, it sounds like you're doing everything right in terms of eating balanced and nutritionally. Also, not wanting to practice low carb etc in front on your kids.

Take a look at Intuitive Eating, lots of accounts to follow on social media.

Couldn't be bothered with the faffing of some of these ideas. Use a small plate. Cut out as much processed sugar as you can spot. Cut out as many carbs as you can manage. And weigh yourself every morning so you can check you are headed in the right direction. And make this your new way of eating for ever. It's not messed up at all - its perfectly healthy and loads of people do it. And if you do over eat keep weighing your self and get back on the wagon.

I've always been on the chubby side put have put on loads of weight in the last year (emotional eating due to stress, and being at home grazing the cupboards).
Was shocked to discover I was staring at a BMI of 40, and heading towards diabetes (strong family history)
So I have cut out sugar and most carbs. Made sure I've been getting good protein and fats. Breakfast is 2 scrambled with spinach, a few mushrooms and a tomato or full fat greek yoghurt with homemade granola, lunch is homemade veg & lentil soup sometimes with a couple of crispbreads, and dinner is meat or fish with vegetables or a massive salad. I am not hungry at all, and have lost almost 7kg in a month.
My children have been very supportive when I eat something different to them, because I've explained that their bodies are growing and we have different means. I don't make a song and dance about mealtimes or denying myself. In fact I am demonstrating better food choices now than ever before.

Your snack could easily be your lunch and you go on to say you put butter in your baked potato. Seems as if you are eating a lot of bread and I imaginr your portion sizes are too big. Try using a much smaller plate/

BUTTER could be let of your problem, jam too, if you’re a toast addict. You could be eating the equivalent each week of a cake without realising it. I had to bin the butter to not eat it!

You sound like you need Dr Chatterjee's podcasts, or his new weight loss book. It's all about exactly what you want - not cutting out food groups but eating well and at the right times as much as possible.

One of his podcasts is with Amelia Freer who suggests a daily pyramid of eating which includes lots of veg, fruit, protein, nuts, etc.

Honestly it's really good, sensible advice, not at all preachy and I lost 1.5 stone during the last lockdown. Basically it's about nourishing your body properly.

Link here drchatterjee.com/

on medication? loads of meds make you gain weight. research, and then talk to GP about alternatives.

thyroid? cortisol? adrenal? out of whack hormones can make you gain weight. you can get a blood test to check this.

not enough sleep, not enough water? can aid to weight gain/make weight hard to shift. you can fix this yourself.

too large portions? often people think they're being healthy, but they're cramming their plates with 'good' food. You can easily weigh your food.

not eating at the 'right' times for your body. Early eating means you have chance to burn it off. eating late at night means you store more of the excess as fat. Try an eating window of 6am-6pm, or 7am-7pm.

not the right type of food for your bodily needs. Maybe you're filling up on carbs when actually you need more protein. Or there's not enough fat in your diet and you never feel full. Or you're hunting for food so you can feel full and go for a good poo when really you need more fibre in your diet. To increase protein and reduce carb cravings: modify your snacks/treats. Instead of wolfing toast late at night, try a measured portion of nuts, or a small cube of cheese, or a glass of warm milk, or an apple cut up in a bowl with a teaspoonful of peanut butter.

you'll fix it.

And op - I LOVE bread.

But I can only have it 2-3 times a week. If I ate bread every day (which I would happily do) I would be much bigger.

@aapple

I make my own bread, but yeah, probably should eat less toast. I'm still not sure that cutting out all carbs (bar vegetables) is an example I want to set my kids though.

I make my own bread and, whilst I know what's in it, a slice is heavier than you expect. I use a breadmaker, so the slices are quite large and, as I'm calorie counting, at the moment, I weigh it. I find that a slice can be anything from 50-80g, depending on how carefully I cut it. Multiple slices would be a lot of bread, so a lot of calories.

Cooking from scratch doesn’t mean the food is weight loss friendly. Making your own bread and then eating a slab of it is no different in calories to buying bread, it just FEELS more virtuous.

Maybe if you made less from scratch but used that time on exercise? You need to get some really fast, long walking and some really good exercise (e.g. proper weights for a good 40 minutes) to actually see the benefit. Pilates is nice for mental health and feeling stretchy but you can hardly expect it to help with weight.