Why am I obese?

[aapple]

Obviously, I eat more calories than I burn off. My BMI is 32. But why, what can I change?

I've done the calorie counting thing and reached a healthy weight many times before. It never sticks, and I want to make permanent lifestyle changes this time. I don't care if it takes years to reach a healthy weight, but I'd prefer if it didn't take decades.

I'm not looking to do anything that I wouldn't want the whole family doing. So no cutting out entire food groups, or fasting etc. I don't want to teach my kids those habits.

I live somewhere with little to no 'temptations' from shops and takeaways. I get my shopping delivered, pay for petrol at the pump and rarely go past any other shops. So I'm not sure it is the food environment. My weekly shopping list is all fruit, vegetables, dairy, bread, fish. A little jam, peanut butter and chocolate. Reasonably healthy I think.

I get some exercise, not a lot. I'm a stay at home parent, so rarely actually sit down between 5am and 9pm. I go for walks, at small person pace. I clean and garden. I do mum and baby pilates, and go for short runs at the weekend. I don't know where I would squeeze more exercise in really.

95% of what we eat is cooked from scratch, using whole foods. We don't have desserts often. I never drink alcohol, juice, squash. Just water and tea (no milk or sugar), maybe a coke with a meal out.

I only eat at the table, although days are hectic, so it is not always 3 meals a day. Sometimes there just isn't time for me to eat at mealtime if the kids are having a bad day. I've bought the "right" sized plates etc, to make sure I'm not having huge portions.

I guess I just eat too much. Probably too many rounds of toast and jam when I need a pick me up.

I do usually have a substantial snack when the kids are in bed. But I'm still breastfeeding my toddler through the night. I can get to sleep the first few times, but without that extra food I find I am too hungry to fall back asleep after the 3am feed.

Sorry, that's a bit long. Just musing really. Any constructive thoughts appreciated.

@MarieFromStTropez

I know somebody who was obese. I’ve posted about her on here before. She is now a healthy size 14. The only changes she made were:

1. Giving up carbs completely.
2. Power walking on the treadmill 30 mins per day.

Everything else stayed the same. She had a few drinks at the weekend, she ate what she wanted (apart from carbs) and it worked for her. She lost loads of weight and has never looked back.

I mean... good for her, but those are two massive changes really.

Probably too many rounds of toast and jam when I need a pick me up.

Come on ladies, OP knows. She said it right there. No need to talk about any weird ideas.

Are there other types of 'pick me up' that could work for you, OP?

Lots of posters saying that sample day is light and shouldn’t lead to obesity but I eat a bit less than that daily and my BMI is 45 so 🤷‍♀️

I suspect it’s the carbs OP, it’s a lot of bread in a day especially if homemade slices. Plus potato for lunch and presumably rice with the chilli. That’s carbs as a base for every meal. How much butter do you have with the potato, too, and do you butter your toast?

I’ve lost 3 stone without dieting and I’ve sort of taught myself a cheats way of doing it. Carbs are my favourite so would never cut them out.
I have cereal from breakfast, usually coco pops or weetabix (with sugar on).
For lunch I either have a tin of soup and one slice of bread. A really leafy salad with premade chicken tikka from Tesco and a blob of salad cream. Chopped fruit and Greek yogurt or a slice of toast, poached egg and loads of wilted spinach.
But then for tea I use either hello fresh or gousto for 5 nights, I think this is where I lost weight. I couldn’t believe the portion sizes and calories, something saying 600 calories to me initially felt like a half portion, it took a while to adjust but now I’m applying the same sizes to my other meals that I cook. I always have pudding, I have to have something sweet straight after tea or around 2 hours later I would end up working through half a loaf of bread or my body weight in crumpets

OP I note you say about not wanting to obsess

I started a thread about distraction and no diet talk weight loss. At the time, it was a random idea. Since then, I've read that there are scientific studies to show it's actually a good idea.

I've only lost half a stone since Jan, but I haven't felt deprived or bored. I do want to step up the loss but I have a feeling that is coming.

It's a gentle thread with conversation ranging from paint colours to me and my terrible keyboard playing (just learning). We don't talk about food or diets and try to stick to cheery topics. The first rule of our diet club is, don't talk about diets 😂

If you want to join us, we're here, we have a giggle, and actually on track. I don't think anyone is doing anything unsustainable but I don't know because we don't talk about it.....🤷🏻‍♀️

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weight_loss_chat/4118778-A-weight-loss-thread-with-no-boring-diet-info

You can eat some carbs. Personally I lose better on protein and veg carbs one meal not 3. Your children won’t notice or think it’s odd. So eggs and mushrooms breakfast, baked potato lunch, veg chilli and cauliflower rice dinner. No toast snacks.
Things like butter, oil, peanut butter are very high calorie.
Track everything you eat and drink for a month and you’ll see. It sounds as though your head is in I’m eating healthy food how can I be obese but all food has calories so nuts, peanut butter etc all add up.

I breastfed my DS until he was 2. During the first 6months I dropped my baby weight but then found it difficult to lose any further weight.
I read that extended breast feeding encourages the body to fat store to maintain supply.
Once I had stopped breast feeding I was able to loose weight.
I am currently menopausal and weight loss is much easier. I have concluded that it’s hormone related. Now I don’t need a good fat store to sustain pregnancy or breastfeeding my body is happy to give it up.

One thing people forget is that sugar in all its forms is also a carbohydrate. Sucrose, fructose, lactose, glucose etc.

So swapping bread and jam for fruit as a snack is not really helping your blood sugar at all.

Don't overdo it with the fuit, thinking it is a healthier option. Yes, it is healthier than a chocolate bar, but fruit is still full of sugar (fructose).

Given that your list ( with portions conspicuously absent) doesn't seem unreasonable I think the only way you'll work out where the problem lies is to track exercise and every bite that passes your lips for a week. The kids don't need to know.
There must be some painless substitutions or portion adjustments you can make without seeming obsessive or setting a worse example for your children.

A slice of medium toast with marmite is approx 100 Cals. The same slice with butter and jam is nearer 200. For that additional 100 cals you could have had a poached egg which would have been satisfying for longer.

I've strayed into obesity during lockdown too. I had to rethink all my habits to turn it round and start losing/getting that calorie deficit in place. You can do it too. Good luck.

It seems relatively straightforward to me? 🤷‍♀️ you don't drop stones in weight by eating the same as your family who don't need to lose? What am I missing??
If the OP has young children then she may actually be able to lose weight eating the same as them.

It's not every meal that they would notice though, eat dinner together but different breakfast and lunch. Same dinner but fewer carbs and more veg. You can say you love vegetables, or that they need more potatoes for energy as they are active and growing. Avoid snacking when they are in bed, only eat when they do. It's easy to make sure they don't notice.

I'm trying to lose weight at the moment
to get my BMI into the healthy range.
Looking at your food diary - I think the only problem is probably the two times where you randomly had toast.
I would change it a bit and have porridge and a banana for breakfast, which should mean you're not hungry by the time you're at the first piece of toast, so skip that, then actually have a full jacket potato instead of half for lunch, then if you're hungry in between lunch and dinner have fruit or something not toast... then have the veggie chilli.
Then no more food for the day.
I think that's quite key, no random after dinner snacks.
I've taken to having green tea in the evenings to give me something to sip and that avoids me raiding the kids cake and biscuit cupboard because I don't think green tea goes with sugary snacks.
So yeah that's my take on it, avoid random toast, only eat toast if it's part of a meal.

@Chanandlerbong01

I’ve lost 3 stone without dieting and I’ve sort of taught myself a cheats way of doing it. Carbs are my favourite so would never cut them out. I have cereal from breakfast, usually coco pops or weetabix (with sugar on). For lunch I either have a tin of soup and one slice of bread. A really leafy salad with premade chicken tikka from Tesco and a blob of salad cream. Chopped fruit and Greek yogurt or a slice of toast, poached egg and loads of wilted spinach. But then for tea I use either hello fresh or gousto for 5 nights, I think this is where I lost weight. I couldn’t believe the portion sizes and calories, something saying 600 calories to me initially felt like a half portion, it took a while to adjust but now I’m applying the same sizes to my other meals that I cook. I always have pudding, I have to have something sweet straight after tea or around 2 hours later I would end up working through half a loaf of bread or my body weight in crumpets

We've switched to gousto too and it's made a huge difference.

We've finally learned what an actual portion size is supposed to be. we were probably eating double portions before.

Not read all the messages but I will say you can do things like intermittent fasting without it having a negative effect on your kids. I worry about this too but I have done 5:2 with 16:8 intermittent fasting two days a week for a long time. I don’t make a big deal of it to my kids I just don’t eat breakfast with them some days. They don’t ask me about it or care whether I eat with them or not. Sometimes I eat tea with them on those days to fit it into my 8 hours sometimes I eat later with my husband. If they did ask I would probably say similar to the poster above who said they explained to their kids that they are growing and need more energy. I have a healthy BMI and am a size 10. I eat “normally” on the other days of the week. If I ate what I do on the 5 non fast days 7 days of the week I would slowly put on weight. Intermittent fasting and 5:2 is the only “diet” I’ve ever been able to stick at. It’s a way of life for me and feels very sustainable. I do feel hungry on those days but I also feel focused, alert and am able to exercise. I don’t get “hangry.” I also make a concerted effort to prioritise exercise time for
Myself. This helps my mental health as well as helping burn cals but is not essential for weight loss.

It's definitely not helping eating all the bread.

Feeling hungry sometimes is good too, losing weight is hard but it can be done.

Your kids will get a better example from you only eating one potato (for example) than being obese. Harsh but true sadly.

I lost 3 stone a few years ago after being honest with what I was was eating, curing back and starting exercising.

I've lost nearly half my original body weight (at one point I was 23 stone) and have kept it off for several years now - but I did it extremely slowly (over 10 years).

I also don't believe in cutting out whole food groups or fasting or counting calories. What worked for me was just slowly reducing the amount of carbs and sugars. Like you I used to have some bread or potatoes or rice at pretty much every meal (and sometimes for snacks too!).

I changed to only having carbs at my evening meal each day (very occasionally for lunch too if I felt poorly or at that time of the month) and try to only have one or two small sugary treats a day (like a bar of dark chocolate and some honey on yogurt) and the weight slowly reduced.

I replaced the reduced carbs with more protein, "good fats" like nuts or extra fruit and veg so I didn't feel too hungry. Maybe it's worth trying for a week or two @aapple to see if it would work for you?

[quote aapple]@AtleastitsnotMonday yesterday was:

Breakfast: cup of green tea

Snack: mushrooms and tomatoes on toast

Lunch: half a leftover jacket potato with butter, tuna and salad.

Dinner: vegetable chilli with rice

Once kids asleep: rooibos tea and toast with jam or (sugar free) peanut butter.

A couple of squares of dark chocolate at some point too.

===================

I never use extra sauces/condiments.

I have done my fitness Pal for years. It works for a while, but not permanently. It just makes me obsess over food and not eating it 24/7. I truly can't keep it up. I don't want to live my life thinking about food that much.

I am thinking very carefully about what example I set my children. I'm very aware that watching mum diet and cut out foods while emotionally eating is probably a root cause of my own issues. Really, I think I'm setting them a good example. Honestly, we eat mostly whole foods, cook together, eat age appropriate portion sizes, they don't have to clear their plates, they eat what we eat, we have treats, and homemade desserts, but not too many. I never make a big deal of them eating what their friends do when they are out, but at home it's pretty healthy. We exercise as I family, we've even moved house to be somewhere so that they can get about by walking and bike as they grow up.

Maybe it's just portion sizes and the tea and toast after bedtime. That's the only time I eat something I wouldn't want them to.

Maybe I just need to be hungry. But God it's hard to be a stay at home parent and be hungry.[/quote]
You are eating a huge amount of carbs - no-one needs that amount unless they were an elite sportsperson or someone in a really active job. As a pp said read 'the obesity code' by Jason Fung. You don't have to cut out any food groups, but cut down, so perhaps start by having one refined carb free meal per day - and fasting could just mean no food after your evening meal until breakfast the next day. Lowing your carb intake and doing intermittent fasting are tried and tested ways of losing weight and keeping it off.

OP you sound like a lovely parent who is modeling great lifestyle.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p068tc8j

Do the cracker test. Very simple. No more trial and error with regard the carbs

One thing that helps me is to make meal plans and incorporate lots of veg into my meals.
I try to exercise everyday even if it's just a walk or yoga, not only is it good for your body but your mental health too.
I also cut out the majority of sweet treats and have fruit and yoghurt or low calorie icecream instead.
The only thing that works for me is cutting the calories without feeling like I'm "dieting" otherwise I get bored and bad habits slip back in. I don't cut out any specific foods like carbs or cheese, I just try to not eat as much as I used to.

Have your Dr check your thyroid level as well

I don't want to sound mean (my BMI is 34 so I get you) but I think you might be lying to yourself a little bit about either the content of your food or portion sizes. If your level of activity is the same every day then regardless of whether you sit down your body will be used to that level of activity and so it's not the same as actively fat burning. You need to do activity that raises your heart rate.

I totally understand though, I'm really struggling too. I've put on two stone in the last year and I'm the heaviest I've ever been. Having all day long access to food and nowhere to go plus bfing will be tricky to manage.

I'd maybe look at weighing your food out and looking at what is a healthy portion size of say rice etc, you might be surprised. I was

Portion control? Modern plates are a lot bigger than they used to be so it's easy to load too much on to a plate and a "normal" portion can look very lost.

I don't know, because that looks like a decent day of food. I'd never low carb, having spoken to some nutritionists, carbs are needed and healthy. Agree on wanting to set a good example for children also.

We switched to Mediterranean diet, predominately whole grains, good fats (olive oil, avocado etc) and really amped up the veg (now eat 7-10 portions a day). I don't eat breakfast, just a coffee. This keeps our weight in check. Was surprised with a food app where we recorded the calories for a week or two. Was shocked how many calories are in some foods and drinks (wine sadly as well) and how little in others I thought wouldn't be very much. If you haven't already, may be worth tracking - you can just scan the labels to see.

I would suspect it's the homemade bread and rounds of toast you make from it. That's even before you put lovely stuff like butter 'n jam on it.

I find that homemade bread is heavenly but it's like bloody crack or something. I can't seem to just have one slice and I use the term slice loosely cause pieces of homemade bread are always massive and you can easily take in 1000 calories from a few slices.

(Can you tell I'm trying to give up bread at the moment?! IBS-related though, not for weight loss reasons. There's been some great tips on this thread though for things I can replace it with.)

Although it's a really old programme now, it might be worth watching a few old episodes of Secret Eaters on YouTube. Everyone on then is utterly convinced that they are not eating enough to be the weight they are, but every single person on there is. There'll be something you are doing that you are unaware of or in denial about. One of mine was eating the kids' leftovers and bits of meat and cheese direct from the fridge. Also eating "ingredients" as I was cooking. The prog was useful in making me realise what I was doing.

@LadyPoison

Portion control? Modern plates are a lot bigger than they used to be so it's easy to load too much on to a plate and a "normal" portion can look very lost.

Do you mean like those cartoon huge plates you get in restaurants? Do people use those at home now?

My plates are Whittards c 1996 😂