Why am I obese?

[aapple]

Obviously, I eat more calories than I burn off. My BMI is 32. But why, what can I change?

I've done the calorie counting thing and reached a healthy weight many times before. It never sticks, and I want to make permanent lifestyle changes this time. I don't care if it takes years to reach a healthy weight, but I'd prefer if it didn't take decades.

I'm not looking to do anything that I wouldn't want the whole family doing. So no cutting out entire food groups, or fasting etc. I don't want to teach my kids those habits.

I live somewhere with little to no 'temptations' from shops and takeaways. I get my shopping delivered, pay for petrol at the pump and rarely go past any other shops. So I'm not sure it is the food environment. My weekly shopping list is all fruit, vegetables, dairy, bread, fish. A little jam, peanut butter and chocolate. Reasonably healthy I think.

I get some exercise, not a lot. I'm a stay at home parent, so rarely actually sit down between 5am and 9pm. I go for walks, at small person pace. I clean and garden. I do mum and baby pilates, and go for short runs at the weekend. I don't know where I would squeeze more exercise in really.

95% of what we eat is cooked from scratch, using whole foods. We don't have desserts often. I never drink alcohol, juice, squash. Just water and tea (no milk or sugar), maybe a coke with a meal out.

I only eat at the table, although days are hectic, so it is not always 3 meals a day. Sometimes there just isn't time for me to eat at mealtime if the kids are having a bad day. I've bought the "right" sized plates etc, to make sure I'm not having huge portions.

I guess I just eat too much. Probably too many rounds of toast and jam when I need a pick me up.

I do usually have a substantial snack when the kids are in bed. But I'm still breastfeeding my toddler through the night. I can get to sleep the first few times, but without that extra food I find I am too hungry to fall back asleep after the 3am feed.

Sorry, that's a bit long. Just musing really. Any constructive thoughts appreciated.

Also, even if not using MFP, make sure to weigh all your food and eat the recommended portion on the packet. I can guarantee it will look very different to your idea of a portion.

I would start with some small changes. You do not need to go carb free or even low carb if you don't want to. I would cut out the jam and bread first. See how you go then look at your 'extras' eg butter on the potato do you need it? Are you sure it was half a potato? - really look at your portion sizes...steady, realistic changes is what you need.

How old is your bf baby? A lot of women hang on to weight while breastfeeding, despite what celebs always say! I was massive till I stopped feeding (though I do have friends that couldn't keep weight on while feeding, so it does vary).

@aapple

"Maybe it's just portion sizes and the tea and toast after bedtime. That's the only time I eat something I wouldn't want them to."

I think you've nailed it. Last time I lost a lot of weight it was really by cutting out the two chocolate biscuits my colleague would bring me with my afternoon cup of tea every weekday, and watching my portion size for dinner. That was it. I logged everything on myfitnesspal but really, even if I hadn't done that, it would have been the same result with a lot less faff and obsessing!

Try cutting out the evening toast...... You can still have bread. But 3 slices of homemade bread will be a lot bigger than 3 slices of shop bought.

I'd switch the evening toast for something like oatcakes with peanut butter or even just have one slice of toast instead of two I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by making that small change.

I really do think you need to look first at what you are eating. For example two people could say they had lasagne and salad for dinner. But there could be a wide range of calories for the same dinner. Just look at the different amounts in a lasagne ready meal, anything from about 350 to nearly 800. Another example is if I cook spag bol from scratch. I know that I could make it really calorific with lots of pasta and mince but actually I throw in lots of mushrooms with a bit of lean mince and I have about 1/3 of the recommended pasta 'portion'. I then fill the rest of the plate up with vegetables.

Then look at portions. I try and keep half of the plate for vegetables with 1/4 protein and 1/4 carbs.

I don't calorie count or restrict food groups and one 'brown' meal won't kill me.

I put on some weight from lockdown as I started to overeat and eat less veg but I have gone back to the basics above to start losing it. I don't change everything overnight but try and change one thing at a time so it doesn't feel restrictive.

I don't do 16/8 but I definitely think it is possible to do with small children if you redirect your meals to early in the day and eat with them. Stop after eating your evening meal, probably by 6pm if they are young? Then you can eat again in the morning.
I am no guru and am currently trying to work up the energy to start dieting again after falling off the wagon last week.
One thing I definitely notice is that less sleep makes it much harder, it reduces the energy I have for preparing healthy meals and makes me crave high carb foods at the same time.
So try not to be too hard on yourself if your sleep is still quite disturbed with your toddler.
Also I think kids are less affected if you don't talk about your own diet, they are pretty self absorbed. Your DM was probably making a point of her dieting and talking about her unhappiness when it failed. If you can keep that to yourself they are unlikely to notice that much what you eat.

I have put on a lot of weight during lockdown. I started a very low carb plan last Saturday and have lost 5lb's already. I expect it will be a full half stone when I weigh myself again this Saturday. It has given me a good kick start as I have 4 stone to lose!

I have been pretty strict this week. In the daytime I have eaten fat free yogs, chopped veg and hummus.

Evenings so far have been Spinach and Vegetable 3 egg omelette with Steak, or Grilled Spicy chicken breast with broccoli, mushrooms and a few new potatoes. Tonight I am having gammon steak, with lots of veg and a sweet potato.

Keeping in mind I have only been doing this 5 days, I thought I would be dreaming about Chips and Chocolate, but without a zillion carbs a day, my body has negated all the cravings. Fingers crossed it lasts!

I totally get where you’re coming from OP. My BMI was 37 at Christmas and it’s dropped to 33 since losing 20lbs over the past few weeks. I’ve got a long way to go but feel that I’m finally on the right track.

I think it doesn’t help that the weight loss stories in magazines always seem to feature people who ate sixteen loaves of bread for breakfast, the contents of an entire butcher’s shop for lunch and a planet for dinner and are surprised that they’ve put tonnes of weight on. Then they start eating sensibly and proper calorie counting and funnily enough they lose weight.

Like you, though, I wasn’t eating stupid amounts of anything. I also take medication which is linked to weight gain. I’ve worked out that my main issue was the two slices of white toast with a thick layer of butter that I was having for breakfast every morning, regularly with lemon curd or honey on top. This took up probably 400+ calories in spite of looking like a normal breakfast. I’ve switched to skyr yogurt and fruit for breakfast. For lunch I have soup or a sandwich on granary bread with salad. Then I eat pretty much as before in the evening. I am a carbs addict who would cheerfully eat nothing but pasta for the rest of my life if nothing else was available - and for now at least I’m losing weight whilst continuing my pasta addiction.

Am I correct in thinking that you are maintaining your weight with your current food intake? If so, to lose weight you'd need to create a deficit. In theory, by not eating 3,500 Cal's next week, that you would normally eat (toast every day?) you will lose 1lb.
Of course, as people said, a calorie isn't a calorie, particularly if you are insulin resistant. Weightloss also isn't linear. There are plateaus and wooshes. The 2 week plateau where we see no weightloss is demoralising and usually the time we give up. If only we'd known a 4lb woosh was just about to happen.
I'd wake up each morning and create that deficit. Perhaps by eating 2 meals instead of 3. Containing protein and good fats so your insulin isn't spiked by carbs and leaving you to crash later and crave more.

@aapple

I'm not sure I want my kids to see me avoiding perfectly normal foods like potatoes though. Seems kind of messed up.

Being obese is more messed up than not eating potatoes in my view, but each to their own.

You only need carbs once a day not with every meal. Also if you're not exercising you don't need all that food each day as it's not being burnt off with. You're eating to maintain your weight. Allow yourself to be a bit hungry and those feelings will subside after a few days once your body realises you're trying to burn weight but you do have to do some heart rate inducing exercise each day too so that your body gets the message that you're letting go of the weight. It's a personal choice but my weight always goes up when I eat meat. You could swap heavy carbs for lentils at dinner and instead of bread at lunchtime or breakfast have some sugar free cereal for brekkie and for lunch I would go for just veggies and an egg perhaps. Quinoa is a good choice to help you feel full.

I know you say you don’t want to cut out whole food groups but cutting down on carbs helps. I see your meals posted above and you’ve had bread, potato & rice in one day. For some this is fine, but the only way I was able to lose weight and keep it off was by cutting down on carbs.

I’ve lost 5 stone in a year. BMI down from 31 to 21. All I do is eat low carb and go for a long walk every day with my toddler.

I make foods for my partner and child including plenty of carbs, but I make a less carby version for myself. So if we have chilli, they’ll have rice with it and I’ll have some sour cream.

You don’t need to cut carbs out completely but reducing them and trying to eliminate refined ones make such a big difference.

Was listening to woman’s hour, I think from yesterday, and they were talking about the genetic aspect of obesity and how GPs are starting to prescribe a hormone to help weight loss. Interesting listen!

Also think about your eating habits - how you eat - are you eating instead of sleeping or drinking, are you having a snack every time you pass the kitchen, are you nibbling every time you transition from one activity to another? It can be grapes, still not a good habit to be shovelling food in all day.

I’ve recently done 6 sessions with a dietician which I HIGHLY recommend. We barely spoke about actual foods at all.

I lost 6st in two years a few years back, with SW but that’s not the point of my post.
I think getting a grip on why and when you eat is important. A lot of people consume more calories than they need, and are not necessarily just eating when they are hungry.
Tiredness and boredom are both big triggers for me. During this lockdown my sleep patterns are all over the place, and mid-afternoon I get cravings to eat something, and my cravings are rarely for an apple!
Also many people think they are hungry when they are just thirsty and misread the signal. One trick I use is to drink a glass of water, and only have something to eat if I still feel hungry 15 mins later.
I also tend to use food as a treat rather than sustenance, nothing wrong with that - but I now buy or do other things as treats - flowers, 30 mins to myself reading, having a long slow bath.
It might be helpful for you to keep a notebook of when, want and why you eat. Truly understanding your own personal triggers around food could help.
And finally don’t get too hung-up on your BMI - it’s only a rough measure of being over-weight. Are you comfortable with your size, are you fit and healthy? Aim for something that you can achieve and maintain.

Spread out over a day and at home all the time what you've listed doesn't look like enough to me? Would you perhaps have scrambled egg and avocado or something for breakfast? Would you snack on fruit or things like green beans/ have a yoghurt, drink some water? By the way if I eat after 8 I make it something like frozen grapes or a frozen yoghurt that takes ages to eat but fills me up.I only one slice of bread a day, more at the weekend but I have intolerances and that's more it. but I make sure I have stuff to snack on I like, because life is honestly too short too be hungry OP. I don't know OP, you sound fine food wise to me and try not to think about it too much, you sound busy

@blue25 don't be a dick.

I will also add that BMI really isn’t a good representation of overall health, but if you feel you want to lose weight then that is what matters.

For me it took two siblings receiving a type 2 diabetes diagnose to push me into action as if I didn’t change then that would have been my fate too.

You don't need to cut out just cut down your portion size. Mixing it up and all eating an alternative a couple of times a week will do them no harm.

Home made bread was the problem for me (I’m Indian so used to make it everyday). When I weighed everything up one day I realised my lovely ‘healthy’ wholemeal rotis were nearly 400 cals each! These are just plain rotis and without butter applied but I imagine a chunk of some types of baked breads with it’s fat and protein content would be much higher.

I have started to lose weight now I only eat home made bread on weekends. Maybe you need to do something like that.

Also you should eat potatoes with the skin as it reduces the glycaemic load. In fact you could probably substitute your potato with a cassava or white sweet potato (the kind you get in Indian or Pakistani grocery shops) and reduce the GL even more. Substituting standard rice with basmati etc helps too

I get what you're saying about teaching your kids good habits when it comes to food. I think it's very important they don't see their parents being faddy about food. Maybe you can just have different proportions of potatoes, more veg, on your plate than them, so it's not noticeable. Kids really do pick up on what their parent's are eating. Re. the bread, I find that when I eat wholegrain I'm happier to eat a lot less than a lovely fresh loaf of white. So maybe less tasty bread?!

My two mother in laws are both slim and in their sixties. Never have ever been over weight. They eat like bloody birds! Two meals a day the same size as my 3 year olds meal. I have finally accepted that if I too want to maintain a healthy BMI this is what I have to do as well. I also have to accept being hungry while reducing as there is no other way to do this after a certain age. The hinger pains dont last long until your body adjusts. It is miserable but anyone i know who is a healthy weight really doesnt eat much food and that's the sad truth. Also, forget about breakfast. Just kicks off the hunger .

Op I got a type 2 diabetic diagnosis which is the kick up the arse I needed to take control of my diet & lifestyle before you get to that point I’ll share what I did. In the last year I’ve lost over 7stone & gone from a size 18/20 to 10/12. I cut my carbs to 100g per day, stay within calorie allowance, drink at least 8 cups of water & I walk daily for 30mins to an hour. I use my fitness pal to track everything. I’ve completely ditched white carbs: bread, rice & pasta I do have wholemeal bread usually a slice with peanut butter at breakfast. I swapped rice to cauliflower rice and pasta to courgetti.

No diet says don't eat any carbs. I follow keto, it emphasises low carb but you can still eat, just the right ones. Instead of rise have cauliflower rice etc.

That will lalso teach your children to have a diet fill of the right types of food and then sure have normal potatoes but as a one off or a treat.

So I wont eat bread but say next week a friend wants to go out for a meal (obv pre covid world example) thats the meal I might have a burger and chips. Every other meal will be keto.

If you are eating “rounds” of anything that’s too much I’m afraid